T1's one more sample

[Shokir]

A glance at the graph provided reveals information on various levels of post-school qualifications and the proportion of male and female graduates who received them in Australia in 1999.

What stands out from the graph is that staggeringly a lot number of men reached their skilled vocational diploma during the period in question. Meanwhile, women with the same qualification accounted for only 10 % which meant 9 times as less as men did. However, at receiving qualifications such as undergraduate diploma and bachelor’s degree females outstripped males with 70% and 55%, meantime, percentage of males constituted about 37% and 47% respectively.

Turning to postgraduate diploma and master’s degree qualifications, at which males recovered their priority, were followed by30% and 40% of females, but nevertheless, 70% and 60% of males in 1999 in Australia. Though, that means more men than women pursued their postgraduate courses.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

You haven't included a summary/overview. This will adversely affect the score.

The chart does NOT show the people who got the qualifications in 1999; it shows the percentage of all Australians who had them in that year. Most will have got them before 1999.

Grammar is weak, with numerous errors - some of them basic.

More importantly, the vocabulary is ... ahem ... not very good at all, e.g. reached (had), meantime (meanwhile), recovered their priority (?).

Sorry, but this report has key flaws and would not achieve a good score.

All the best,
David