kindly review my gt task 2

[DJvj]

Topic:-

Some people say government should give the health care the first priorities, some others believe there are more important priorities to spend the tax payers’ money. Discuss both views.

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Nowadays, People are more concerned with the development of their vicinity. Therefore, it is indispensable that authorities judiciously invest tax payer's money .Some people think that healthcare should be given more precedence comparatively. However, there are few opponents to this idea. Below essay will provide a viewpoint of both the arguments with a reasoned conclusion.

Healthcare has become an utmost priority for everyone .There has been significant increase in the diseases and virus over the period of time. Sometimes the impact is so serious that even patients die due to inadequate medical treatment. Therefore, people need good hospitals in their locality with specialized doctors. For instance, Developed countries like US invest a significant portion of their GDP into Healthcare to provide a better facility for their citizens. It helps to be people to be healthier and access a better care whenever they require.

On the other side, it's very essential to focus on the other areas as well. There should be an improvement in the infrastructure like better roads, transportation for the people. For instance, In Delhi, there is a good metro network which benefits a larger community to commute considering the high volume of traffic. Thus, reduces the journey time and economical travel too. Having a better infrastructure will even attract the foreign investors to invest funds which would boost the economy.

To conclude, government should ensure that public money is effectively utilized for the development of the basic amenities. It’s eventually their hard earned money of which is being used and assist them in betterment of their lifestyle.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

In the first main paragraph, remember that people do die. Define 'inadequate'. You say that 'countries' like the USA invest money in medicine, but it is well-known that many people in the USA have problems getting good medical care. Look at all the fuss over 'ObamaCare'.

The conclusion is unclear. you haven't provided an opinion on the question.

Vocabulary and grammar are generally good - just be clearer with your points.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Topic:-

Some people say government should give the health care the first priorities, some others believe there are more important priorities to spend the tax payers’ money. Discuss both views.

****************************

Nowadays, people are more concerned with the development of their local community. Therefore, it is essential that authorities judiciously invest tax payer's money. Some people think that healthcare should be given the greatest precedence. However, there are a few opponents to this idea. This essay will provide a viewpoint of both arguments before coming to a reasoned conclusion.

Healthcare has become an utmost priority for everyone. There has been a significant increase in diseases and viruses recently. Sometimes the impact is so serious that many people die due to inadequate medical treatment. Therefore, people need good hospitals in their locality with specialized doctors. For instance, developed countries like the USA invest a significant portion of their GDP into healthcare to provide a better facility for their citizens. It helps to ensure people are healthier and have access to better care whenever they require.

On the other side, it's very important to focus on the other areas as well. There should be an improvement in the infrastructure like better roads, and public transportation. For instance, in Delhi, there is a good metro network which benefits a large community and reduces the high volume of traffic. Thus, reduces the journey time and economical travel too.(<--Reword to: "Thus, travel time is reduced and more economical.") Having a better infrastructure may even attract foreign investors to invest funds which could boost the economy.

To conclude, the government should ensure that public money is effectively utilized for the development of basic amenities. It’s their hard earned money being used to assist them in the betterment of their lifestyle.