kindly assess and rate my AT2.. thank you ^_^

[kakurine]

More and more qualified people are moving from poor to rich countries to fill vacancies in specialist areas like engineering, computing and medicine.
Some people believe that by encouraging the movement of such people, rich countries are stealing from poor countries. Others feel that this is only part of the natural movement of workers around the world.
Do you agree or disagree?


Over the recent years, it has been noted that qualified professionals from third world countries tend to move to first world countries. While some people believe that the rich countries are stealing the professionals from the poor countries, others believe that this is a natural trend. It is to my belief that professionals moving to another country is only normal and unavoidable because of the benefits it can give them.

Some people believe that by allowing qualified professionals to move to another country, it is only incapacitating the country it left. Filling the position of every qualified professional takes a lot of time, money and effort. For example, if a cardiologist have decided to move to another country, it would take at least ten years before we can have another cardiologist. However, I believe that forcing our professionals and specialists to stay on a certain country would only make matters worst since they would be unhappy causing them to be ineffective.

Qualified professionals move to another country for various reason. First there is the compensation and benefits, it is well known that third world countries have lower compensations and fewer benefits for their professionals unlike those in the first world country. For example, in the Philippines, nurses have the same compensations like a fast food worker, and they work longer hours. Unlike if they move to a rich country like the UK they would be compensated correctly. I believe that it is for this very reason qualified professionals leave their country as their government isn’t able to provide for them.

In conclusion, while specialist moving to another country is normal and unavoidable. I believe that the government should act on this by making a law making them stay and render for a couple of years until a new batch of specialists are ready.

Word count: 303

[kakurine]

Hi. Can anyone help me with my writing? Could I get a 7 with this? Thank you so much in advance.

[huannguyen]

Hi there,

I had a quick look on your writing, and feel uncomfortable to read since you overuse "I believe that". One lecturer who taught me at the uni recommended that I shouldn't use it more than two times in an IELTS essay.
It is just an opinion from my understanding, which may be right or wrong.

Regards,

Huan

[kakurine]

Hi. Now that you've mentioned it, I do see your point there. Thanks

But could anyone tell me if I can get a 7 with this?

[Flick]

More and more qualified people are moving from poor to rich countries to fill vacancies in specialist areas like engineering, computing and medicine.
Some people believe that by encouraging the movement of such people, rich countries are stealing from poor countries. Others feel that this is only part of the natural movement of workers around the world.
Do you agree or disagree?


Over recent years, it has been noted that qualified professionals from third world countries tend to move to first world countries. While some people believe that the rich countries are stealing the professionals from the poor countries, others believe that this is a natural trend. It is my belief that professionals moving to another country is only normal and unavoidable because of the benefits it can give them.

Some people believe that by allowing qualified professionals to move to another country, it is only incapacitating the country they have left. Filling the position of every qualified professional takes a lot of time, money and effort. For example, if a cardiologist has decided to move to another country, it would take at least ten years before a new cardiologist can replace them. However, I believe that forcing our professionals and specialists to stay in a certain country would only make matters worse since they would be unhappy, causing them to be ineffective.

Qualified professionals move to other countries for various reason. First, there are the compensation and benefits. It is well known that third world countries have lower salaries and fewer benefits for their professionals, unlike those in first world countries. For example, in the Philippines, nurses receive the same pay as fast food workers, and they work longer hours. However, if they moved to a rich country like the UK, they would be compensated more appropriately. I believe that it is for this very reason qualified professionals leave their home country as their government isn’t able to provide for them.

In conclusion, while specialist moving to another country is normal and unavoidable, I believe that the government should act on this by making a law making them stay and work for a couple of years until a new batch of specialists is ready.

Word count: 303