please check my task 1 letter

[durai]

You recently stayed in a hotel in a large city. The weather was very unusual for the time of the year and heating/cooling system in the hotel was quite inadequate.

Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. In your letter, give details of what was wrong, explain what you had to do overcome the problem at the time and say what action you would like the manager to take.

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I am writing to inform you about my dissatisfaction of staying in your hotel on 26th April, located in Melbourne.

As I understand from the local newspaper, the weather was strange on that day. The usual temperature on this season was supposed to be 18 degrees , but it was 32. So I did turn on air conditioner, unfortunately, I found out that it was not working properly.It was midnight, so I tried myself to fix it but failed in my attempt. To recover from that unbearable heat, I was taking shower every two hours until morning. As a result, I had ended up with lack of sleep whole night.

As you aware, Melbourne, sometimes, experience all four seasons in one day. So it is your responsibility to prepare for such unexpected climate. As a frequent customer to your hotel, I am insisting you to ensure that this would not happen again in the future.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,


Durai Natarajan

[allen_zhang]

You recently stayed in a hotel in a large city. The weather was very unusual for the time of the year and heating/cooling system in the hotel was quite inadequate.

Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. In your letter, give details of what was wrong, explain what you had to do overcome the problem at the time and say what action you would like the manager to take.

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I am writing to inform you about my dissatisfaction of staying in your hotel on 26th April, located in Melbourne.
[Allen]
1. "dissatisfaction of"or "dissatisfaction wth"?
2. I think you don't need to mention about the location of the hotel since you are writing to the manager of this hotel.
3. "loacted in Melbourne" seems grammatically wrong to me.

As I understand from the local newspaper, the weather was strange on that day. The usual temperature on (I would use "in this season")this season was supposed to be 18 degrees , but it was 32. So I did turn on air conditioner, unfortunately, I found out that it was not working properly.It was midnight, so I tried myself to fix it but failed in my attempt. To recover from that unbearable heat, I was taking shower every two hours until morning ( I would use : the next mornin). As a result, I had ended up with lack of sleep whole night. [Allen] I would use: "end up sleepless " because it seems to me that "lack of sleep" usually refers to a long term thing.

As you aware, Melbourne, sometimes, experience all four seasons in one day. So it is your responsibility to prepare for such unexpected climate. As a frequent customer to( I would use : of )your hotel, I am insisting(is this proper?) you to ensure that this would not happen again in the future.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,


Durai Natarajan

[allen_zhang]

You recently stayed in a hotel in a large city. The weather was very unusual for the time of the year and heating/cooling system in the hotel was quite inadequate.

Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. In your letter, give details of what was wrong, explain what you had to do overcome the problem at the time and say what action you would like the manager to take.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to bring to your attention a problem I encountered at your hotel recently.

On the 10th of May, I checked into your hotel and planned to stay there for 4 days on my holiday. Your services are excellent and that is why I always choose your hotel every time when I am in Beijing. However, this time, my stay was extremely uncomfortable. The temperature of that day was 36 degree, which is a quite unusual in this season. so, I tried to turn on the air conditioner right after I entered the room but it did not work at all. I called for your room services immediately, but I was told that the air conditioner was not supposed to work until June. As a result, I had a really horrible night on that day. During the whole night, I had to take shower every two hours to cool me down. The next morning, I checked out and moved to another hotel .

As a regular customer of your hotel, I would like to suggest you to adress this problem as soon as possible. I know the weather was quite unsual in this season, but as a 3 star hotel as you are, you should have expected this kind of extreme weather conditions and should have backup plans for them.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,
Allen Zhang

[andytruong1202]

You recently stayed in a hotel in a large city. The weather was very unusual for the time of the year and heating/cooling system in the hotel was quite inadequate.

Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. In your letter, give details of what was wrong, explain what you had to do overcome the problem at the time and say what action you would like the manager to take.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am writing to inform you about my dissatisfaction of staying in your hotel on 26th April, located in Melbourne.

As I understand from the local newspaper, the weather was strange on that day. The usual temperature on this season was supposed to be 18 degrees , but it was 32. So I did turn on air conditioner, unfortunately, I found out that it was not working properly.It was midnight, so I tried myself to fix it but failed in my attempt. To recover from that unbearable heat, I was taking shower every two hours until morning. As a result, I had ended up with lack of sleep whole night.

As you aware, Melbourne, sometimes, experience all four seasons in one day. So it is your responsibility to prepare for such unexpected climate. As a frequent customer to your hotel, I am insisting you to ensure that this would not happen again in the future.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,


Durai Natarajan

(-)
Frequent occurrence of grammar mistakes.
Need to give more details about the booking (i.e what's hotel's name, which room did you book in, at what time did you check in and out, etc.)
If you were the manager and read this letter, would you know who the writer of this letter was?

(+)
Answer all the questions.

Overall: 6+

[Chi]

Dear Mr Natarajan,

I am so sorry for your unpleasant experience. We are quite aware that Melbourne's weather can change unexpectedly many times in a day. That is why we recommend visitors to Melbourne always carrying with them a jacket and an umbrella regardless of the season, and they should disregard any forms of weather forecast. You can find this information in the Directory Book placed in every room, right on the front page.

As you may know, our hotel does have competent staff ready to assist you in any circumstances including failure of turning on the air conditioner. We suggest, if you do consider coming back to our hotel, always contacting our staff should you find yourself in the similar situations. For your information, it is required under the laws of Victoria, any electrical work should be handled by a licensed electrician. Your attempt to fix the air conditioner yourself was extremely dangerous to your own safety and also caused damage to our hotel's property.

Once again, we apology for your uncomfortable stay and your suffering from sleep deprivation. Hopefully we will see you again at our hotel.

Yours sincerely,
General Manager

[andytruong1202]

You recently stayed in a hotel in a large city. The weather was very unusual for the time of the year and heating/cooling system in the hotel was quite inadequate.

Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. In your letter, give details of what was wrong, explain what you had to do overcome the problem at the time and say what action you would like the manager to take.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to bring to your attention a problem I encountered at your hotel recently.

On the 10th of May, I checked into your hotel and planned to stay there for 4 days on my holiday. Your services are excellent and that is why I always choose your hotel every time when I am in Beijing. However, this time, my stay was extremely uncomfortable. The temperature of that day was 36 degree, which is a quite unusual in this season. so, I tried to turn on the air conditioner right after I entered the room but it did not work at all. I called for your room services immediately, but I was told that the air conditioner was not supposed to work until June. As a result, I had a really horrible night on that day. During the whole night, I had to take shower every two hours to cool me down. The next morning, I checked out and moved to another hotel .

As a regular customer of your hotel, I would like to suggest you to adress this problem as soon as possible. I know the weather was quite unsual in this season, but as a 3 star hotel as you are, you should have expected this kind of extreme weather conditions and should have backup plans for them.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,
Allen Zhang

(-)
Should use past tense when you're telling a story.
Few grammar mistakes.
Unclear of what you suggested the manager do.
What time did you check in and out; and what was the hotel's name?

(+)
Mostly answer the questions.

Overall: -6.5+

[andytruong1202]

Dear Mr Natarajan,

I am so sorry for your unpleasant experience. We are quite aware that Melbourne's weather can change unexpectedly many times in a day. That is why we recommend visitors to Melbourne always carrying with them a jacket and an umbrella regardless of the season, and they should disregard any forms weather forecast. You can find this information in the Directory Book placed in every room, right on the front page.

As you may know, our hotel does have competent staff ready to assist you in any circumstances including failure of turning on the air conditioner. We suggest, if you do consider coming back to our hotel, always contacting our staff should you find yourself in the similar situations. For your information, it is required under the laws of Victoria, any electrical work should be handled by a licensed electrician. Your attempt to fix the air conditioner yourself was extremely dangerous to your own safety and also caused damage to our hotel's property.

Once again, we apology for your uncomfortable stay and your suffer from sleep deprivation. Hopefully we will see you again at our hotel.

Yours sincerely,
General Manager

A great letter Chi, but I don't think Durai mentioned that he tried to fix the air-con. Also, I believe "suffer" is a verb .

I like this sentence, very advanced.

We suggest, if you do consider coming back to our hotel, always contacting our staff should you find yourself in the similar situations.

[Chi]

Hi Andy,

I don't think Durai mentioned that he tried to fix the air-con.

Durai wrote:

It was midnight, so I tried myself to fix it but failed in my attempt.

I believe "suffer" is a verb .

Yes, it should be "suffering" - I made a mistake when I typed to fast.

We suggest, if you do consider coming back to our hotel, always contacting our staff should you find yourself in the similar situations.

I think there is no need to have "the" in front of "similar situations", what do you think?

[andytruong1202]

hi Chi,

It was midnight, so I tried myself to fix it but failed in my attempt.

Yes, you're right. I didn't read it carefully.

Yes, it should be "suffering" - I made a mistake when I typed to fast.

Your reason is appropriate.

We suggest, if you do consider coming back to our hotel, always contacting our staff should you find yourself in the similar situations.

I think there is no need to have "the" in front of "similar situations", what do you think?

[/quote]

Yeah, it should be: "in similar situations" or " in the same situation".

Cheers,
Andy

[allen_zhang]

HI Andy,

allen_zhang wrote:
You recently stayed in a hotel in a large city. The weather was very unusual for the time of the year and heating/cooling system in the hotel was quite inadequate.

Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. In your letter, give details of what was wrong, explain what you had to do overcome the problem at the time and say what action you would like the manager to take.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to bring to your attention a problem I encountered at your hotel recently.

On the 10th of May, I checked into your hotel and planned to stay there for 4 days on my holiday. Your services are excellent and that is why I always choose your hotel every time when I am in Beijing. However, this time, my stay was extremely uncomfortable. The temperature of that day was 36 degree, which is a quite unusual in this season. so, I tried to turn on the air conditioner right after I entered the room but it did not work at all. I called for your room services immediately, but I was told that the air conditioner was not supposed to work until June. As a result, I had a really horrible night on that day. During the whole night, I had to take shower every two hours to cool me down. The next morning, I checked out and moved to another hotel .

As a regular customer of your hotel, I would like to suggest you to adress this problem as soon as possible. I know the weather was quite unsual in this season, but as a 3 star hotel as you are, you should have expected this kind of extreme weather conditions and should have backup plans for them.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,
Allen Zhang

(-)
Should use past tense when you're telling a story.
Few grammar mistakes.
Unclear of what you suggested the manager do.
What time did you check in and out; and what was the hotel's name?

(+)
Mostly answer the questions.

I want to ask some grammatical questions:
1. When you mention that I need to use past tense. I think you are talking about my sentence below:

Your services are excellent and that is why I always choose your hotel every time when I am in Beijing

I used present tense because I believe these things are still true at present. Should I use past tense?

which is a quite unusual in this season

this "is" is certainly a mistake.
2. I used "cool me down". I am not sure if it is a proper phrase.
3. Regarding the "hotel name", since I am writing to the manager of this hotel, I don't think I need to write the name of the hotel. what you think?
4. I think I already mentioned the time I checked in and out.

Many thanks!
Allen

[Chi]

Your services are excellent and that is why I always choose your hotel every time when I am in Beijing

Allen,

May I answer your question instead. You are right to use present tense if you still think the hotel provides good service, which does seem to be so at this stage. I suggest you change to "Your service had been excellent, and that is why I always chose to stay at your hotel whenever I come to Beijing". You are complaining about their service, and you want them to feel like if they don't response to the issue properly, your view of their hotel will change and they will lose a regular customer. That's why past tense makes a stronger message in this situation.

The temperature of that day was 36 degree, which is a quite unusual in this season.

This sounds a bit strange. How about we change it to: "It was 36 Celsius on that day, which was quite unusual in this season." You need to use past tense here, because you talk about what already happened.

so, I tried to turn on the air conditioner right after I entered the room but it did not work at all. I called for your room services immediately, but I was told that the air conditioner was not supposed to work until June.

Please remove "so", it is not necessary. Besides, you need to capitalize the letter "s" if you start your sentence with "so". Also, remove "for" after "called".

Just few comments, hope they are helpful. Just note that there are still some awkward sentences, I just couldn't go through your whole letter.

Good luck, Allen.

[allen_zhang]

Hi Chi
Highly apperciate your kind review and comments.
You have made things extremely clear and I learned a lot from you!

BR!
Allen

[andytruong1202]

hi Allen,

1. When you mention that I need to use past tense. I think you are talking about my sentence below:

Your services are excellent and that is why I always choose your hotel every time when I am in Beijing

I used present tense because I believe these things are still true at present. Should I use past tense?

Are you still happy with the service after you had such a bad experience? If not, then you can't use the present tense.

2. I used "cool me down". I am not sure if it is a proper phrase.

Yeah, this is fine.

3. Regarding the "hotel name", since I am writing to the manager of this hotel, I don't think I need to write the name of the hotel. what you think?

If you're the manager, would you think this letter maybe meant for another hotel ?

4. I think I already mentioned the time I checked in and out.

You've just mentioned the date, not the time. And you didn't mention your room number either. Would the manager believe that you're actually their customer or just some jokers?

Cheers,
Andy

[allen_zhang]

Hi Andy,
Many thanks for you kind help.

Regarding the "hotel name" issue, I still think that I do not need to mention about the hotel name.

As to the "time" and "room number" issue, my understanding is that I was just making a general complaint and giving some suggestions without asking any compensation. So, the manager need not to check the details. That is why I did not give the exact "time" and "room number". In other cases like asking for compensation or claiming missing belongings, I would give more details, so that the manager can verify them.

BR!
Allen

[andytruong1202]

Hi Allen,

It's all up to your choice but the more details you could give, the better your letter/essay would be. That's just my personal opinion.