GT Task 2. Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with.

[VadimKlimenko]

Dear IELTS mates, please give feedback for my Task 2 General Training Essay. I would also appreciate if those of you who understand thoroughly IELTS writing band descriptors let me know what is probable band of this writing or give any other comments on the task response / coherence / lexical resources / grammatical range of the writing.
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Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with.
What are the advantages of and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?
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In every country there are parents who buy many toys for their children. It is obvious that a parent wants to give to her son or daughter more than she had herself in her childhood. But buying many toys is not evident good for a child as, on the one hand, it accelerates development of a kid, and, on the other hand, it puts on the child obligation to collect and store the toys.

It is believed that significant number of different toys encourages a child to learn the world faster. This point of view is exemplified by my own daughter, who has a lot of animals-like toys. Our relatives and friends presented her various kinds of animals-toys to play with, and it motivated her to learn about life and behaviour of those animals. It demonstrates clearly advantage of buying many toys.

However, hundreds of toys may turn one's house into a mess if small habitants of the house do not have a habit to collect toys after playing with them. The house of my friend, who is a father of two boys, plays a good example here. As obligation to keep toys on their places is a stress for the boys of my friend, it is almost impossible to find a corner without toys in their house. It can thus be concluded that buying many toys has such drawback for a child as the need to collect them everyday after play.

So the essay discussed that large number of toys may accelerate development of a kid, but it brings responsibility to collect toys regularly. I believe each family should decide what is the best for their children after consideration of both points of view.

Words count: 283

[wannabe]

Looks like a good essay to me. The only suggestion would be to try replacing the overused word "toys" with some more specific toys types such us LEGO, Action figures, Puzzles, Model cars, Dolls.

[VadimKlimenko]

Wannabe, thank you for the feedback.

I also found other synonyms (IELTS10, Test B) for toys, which may be useful for someone: playthings, interesting things to play with.

[Flick]

___________
Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with.
What are the advantages of and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?
___________
In every country there are parents who buy many toys for their children. It is obvious that a parent wants to give to her son or daughter more than she had herself in her childhood. But buying many toys is not definitively good for a child as, on the one hand, it accelerates the child'sdevelopment, while, on the other hand, it puts the child under obligation to collect and store the toys.

It is believed that a significant number of different toys encourages a child to learn about the world faster. This point of view is exemplified by my own daughter, who has a lot of animal-like toys. Our relatives and friends presented her with various kinds of animal toys, and it motivated her to learn about the lives and behaviours of those animals. It demonstrates clearly the advantage of buying many toys.

However, hundreds of toys may turn one's house into a mess if small inhabitants of the house do not collect the toys after playing with them. The house of my friend, who is a father of two boys, is a good example here. It is almost impossible to find a corner without toys in their house. It can thus be concluded that buying many toys has drawbacks for a child who must collect them everyday after play.

In summary, a large number of toys may accelerate a child's development, but it creates the responsibility to collect the toys regularly. I believe each family should decide what is the best for their children after consideration of both points of view.

Words count: 283

[VadimKlimenko]

Flick, thank you very much!