advertising encourages us to buy things vs improve our lives ... MR. David plz help to check and provide suggestions

[Prashant Hirani]

Q- Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

The issue of whether marketing of products attracts people to purchase unwanted stuff is in discussion around the world since last few years. Although, many people assert that it is one of the good ways to get familiar with new products. Here, in this essay, I will enunciated both the sides of arguments with my own perception, before drawing any logical conclusion.

On the one hand, it is agreed that individuals tend to buy more than required, especially, when the imaginary images are so colourful and vividly projected like it is done in today's media. Furthermore, it is true that many people buy the products just because they are endorsed by their favourite celebrities and idols. To take an example, one of my friend, who is a great fan of Indian superstar Shahrukh Khan, always purchasing things that his superstar promoting, irrespective to his personal need. This makes it clear that, yes, commercials serve as an encouragement to many people, and due to that they buy surplus to requirements.

On the other hand, supporters of advertisements believe that they are absolutely needed, as they help in making
persons aware about the things, which they are unaware otherwise. For instance, ads related to infant born and care provides great platform to get all the knowledge about how to take care of new born baby and what products to give them to suffice their nutrition's need. Same way, commercials of smoking and tobacco awareness helps many citizens in knowing side effects of consuming such dangerous products. Above examples proves that how advertisements improve lives of citizens.

To recapitulate, by looking at above discussion, to my viewpoint, I tend to agree that there are more advantages of marketing and advertisements, if being used in the right direction of public awareness and safety, than their plausible drawbacks.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

'enunciate' is used with spoken English, not written.

imaginary images?

Why can't people find out about caring for babies from sources other than advertisements? I thought the internet contained knowledge about everything - at least according to my students (who may be wrong!). How about learning about it from parents?

The example of tobacco seems a little strange.

Overall, I think that your examples are the weakest part of the essay. The grammatical range is also limited - conditionals?

All the best,
David