GT Task 1 - Could anyone evaluate this letter please!

[vitor.rmachado]

Question:
" You eat at your college cafeteria every lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements.
Write a letter to the college magazine. In you letter
explain what you like about the cafeteria
say what is wrong with it
suggest how it could be improved"

Answer:

Dear Sir/Madam,
How are you? I hope this letter finds you well.
I am writing to suggest changes in the cafeteria that could lead to improvements in the establishment.
I am a student at the college and I eat at the cafeteria everyday, at the lunchtime. I appreciate the fact that the establishment is the cheapest and coziest surround. Also, I really enjoy eating cakes and pancakes there, they are very tasteful.
Despite this, I believe that some improvements are required. I often have to wait for a long time before being served by a waitress because they are often very busy. Moreover, the tables are frequently dirty. Finally, it is worth mentioning that the place is very hot in summer because of the lack of ventilation within.
I have some suggestion to solve these issues. Firstly, I extremely recommend you to expand your staff. Hiring more waiters and waitresses would solve the problem with serving and the dirty tables. Secondly, installing an exhaust or more fans would solve the problem with the heat.
Please, write me back if you have something to discuss related to the cafeteria.

Yours faithfully,

Mr. Vitor M.


Thanks in advance.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Change 'surround' to 'around'

Change 'tasteful' to 'tasty'

Overall, a very good letter with all points answered in detail. Vocabulary is generally good and there is a good range of grammar.

Well done!
David

[Flick]

Question:
" You eat at your college cafeteria every lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements.
Write a letter to the college magazine. In you letter
explain what you like about the cafeteria
say what is wrong with it
suggest how it could be improved"

Answer:

Dear Sir/Madam,

How are you? I hope this letter finds you well.(<--Delete these 2 sentences. They should not be in a professional letter.)

I am writing to suggest changes in the cafeteria that could lead to improvements in the establishment.
I am a student at the college and I eat lunch at the cafeteria everyday. I appreciate the fact that the establishment is the cheapest and coziest around. Also, I really enjoy eating the cakes and pancakes there, they are very tasty.

Despite this, I believe that some improvements are required. I often have to wait for a long time before being served by a waitress because they are often very busy. Moreover, the tables are frequently dirty. Finally, it is worth mentioning that the place is very hot in summer because of the lack of ventilation within.

I have some suggestions to solve these issues. Firstly, I strongly recommend you increase your staff. Hiring more waiters and waitresses would solve the problem with serving and the dirty tables. Secondly, installing an exhaust or more fans would solve the problem with the heat.

Please, write me back if you have something to discuss related to the cafeteria.

Yours faithfully,

Mr. Vitor M.