task 1 letter , is anybody able to check my work?

[durai]

You are looking for a part-time job. Write a letter to an employment agency. In your letter: introduce yourself, explain what sort of job you would like, and say what experience and skills you have.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Durai, and I am studying Master’s in Electronic Engineering at Latrobe University, Melbourne. My class hours are mostly in the morning, so I am looking for some part-time work in the evening around city-center, and that is the reason for my letter.

Basically, I am quite interested in working as a manager in any companies related to warehousing. I like warehouse management since it provides knowledge on how to handle things until it reaches end users. Besides, I really appreciate competitive pay rate of at least 20$ per hour. I am flexible to work on weekends but I cannot exceed more than 20 hours per week.

Though I am not a degree holder of management studies, I have hands on experience in regards to analysing things before making any decision. My previous job as a Warehouse Assistant at Safeway stores improved my personal abilities in different areas such as problem solving, critical thinking and working on targets.

I would be grateful if you could find me employment opportunity as I stated earlier. Please write to me as quickly as possible.

Yours faithfully,

Durai

[andytruong1202]

You are looking for a part-time job. Write a letter to an employment agency. In your letter: introduce yourself, explain what sort of job you would like, and say what experience and skills you have.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Durai (your surname goes here), and I am studying Master in Electronic Engineering at Latrobe University in Melbourne. My class hours are mostly in the morning, so I am looking for some part-time work in the evening around city-center, and this is the reason for my letter.

Basically, I am quite interested in working as a manager in any companies related to warehousing (to be more concise: in any warehouses ). I like warehouse management since it provides knowledge on how to handle things (should use something else rather than "things" ) until it (what does "it" refer to?) reaches end users. Besides, I really appreciate a competitive pay rate of at least 20$ per hour. I am flexible to work at weekends but I cannot exceed more than 20 hours per week (why?).

Although I do not have a degree in management, I have a hands-on experience in regards to analyzing things (what things?) before making any decisions. My previous job as a Warehouse Assistant at Safeway store, improved my personal abilities in different areas such as problem solving, critical thinking and working on targets.

I would be grateful if you could find me an employment opportunity. Please write to me as quickly as possible.

Yours faithfully,

Durai your surname goes here

Not a bad letter. Would be at 6.5+