pls check my letter! thanks a lot

[rairaichan0323]

You are a student at University of Sydney. Your ID card has been stolen. Write to the Local Police Station, giving details of who you are, what happened and asking what you should do to get a new ID card.

Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Janis Lam and I came from Malaysia. I am a recently arrived overseas student and currently studying Marketing Management at the Sydney University. I am writing this letter to report my ID card has been stolen yesterday night.

Yesterday, while on my way back to home around the Victoria Street, someone stole my bag. Because this happen was so suddenly and I could not give any responses and then the theft ran away. Inside the bag that contains some books, wallet as well as my ID card.

My ID card number is SU96522 and it issued on the 23th of March. I would be appreciative of any information that I must have to obtain in order to apply the new ID card. Also, I would be grateful if you could tell me the procedures and the cost of issuing the card.

I can be contacted at the address along with my phone number provided above. Your assistance is greatly appreciated.

Yours faithfully
Janis Lam

[chaiguy]

You are a student at University of Sydney. Your ID card has been stolen. Write to the Local Police Station, giving details of who you are, what happened and asking what you should do to get a new ID card.

Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Janis Lam and I come from Malaysia. I recently arrived as an overseas student and I'm currently studying Marketing Management at Sydney University. I am writing this letter to report to you that my ID card was stolen on (Add the date and time of the incident here).

On my way home, someone (Did you see them, could you give a description? For example, male or female, hair colour, etc?) stole my bag while I was walking on Victoria Street. It happened very quickly so I couldn't try and stop them as the thief immediately ran away. My bag contained several books, my wallet and my ID card.

My ID card number was SU96522 and it was issued to me on the 23rd of March(You should add a year here (2013?)).

I would be hugely appreciative if you could provide me with the information which I need in order to obtain a new ID card. If necessary, I would be happy to pay the cost for a replacement card.

I can be contacted at the address as well as my home/mobile phone number, both of which I have written above. I can't see an address or phone number in this letter?

Your assistance would be greatly appreciated.

Yours faithfully,(Add a space here so there's a gap between your last line and your name)

Janis Lam

Here's your improved letter. Good luck finding your replacement card.

[rairaichan0323]

thank you!!