IELTSNetwork.com

Many university graduates leave university facing uncertainty and unemployment. What are the causes and effects of this problem? Offer some solutions.
------------------------------

Over the last decade, unemployment has significantly increased all over the world. Number of fresh graduates are jobless, the country economy is becoming unstable. Unpredicatable trend in the market makes education system tough to design courses. This essay will analyse, what are the causes for this and how it is affecting the life of the young generation.

First of all, Global market is not steady. Universites design new courses for current market trend. It takes time to stabilize the course, unfortunately the synchronization between popular courses and job market is not there.Apart from that, number of students are doing special course than the requirement. For instance, Indian IT market produces one lakh fresher job every year but the number fresh graduates are exceeding 3 million per year. Number of young IT graduates are jobless every year. Thus, it is clear that why jobless are increasing.

Unemployment leads to a lot of negative effects in the society. Increase in crime rate, degrade in trust between society and system, encouragement of corruption and no value for education are the some of the result of not having job. For one take, Itlay faced lot of problem due to unemployment, lot of young people migrated to other countries, economic reform was not in track due to lost workforce. Hence, unemployment may lead to irreversible effect.

To sum, number of reasons for unemployment and it will result in the destructive path of the nation. So, government should forecast the market, enforce education system to stay tune with market and avoid unemployment.

Hi jegankgm,

I finished the introduction paragraph wondering what the topic of your essay would be. The talk of designing courses is not in keeping with your essay question. There are several sentences in the essay that are incoherent. Poor grammar only worsens the level of coherence in the essay. I feel that when combined, these weaknesses set the stage for very poor task achievement.

Here are a few examples of the sentences that really confuse the reader:

"Number of fresh graduates are jobless, the country economy is becoming unstable."
(What country are you talking about? Perhaps you meant to be more general?)

"Apart from that, number of students are doing special course than the requirement."
(The requirement for what? National requirements? Career requirements? Why do you use "than"? Are you comparing something?)

"For one take, Itlay faced lot of problem due to unemployment, lot of young people migrated to other countries, economic reform was not in track due to lost workforce. Hence, unemployment may lead to irreversible effect."
(Where is the discussion of this example? Are you saying that Italy's unemployment had irreversible effects on the country? If so, what effects are these?)

In addition to the above, I'm a little uncertain what the structure of the essay is. I see topic sentences that make loose declarations of causes and effects, but these are followed by incoherent babbling, weak examples and illogical conclusions. The essay reads as though you expect the audience to draw the conclusions for you. Please work to show your reader the exact logical progression you would like them to follow.

I'm not exactly sure how this essay would place. Perhaps around band 4.5. To improve, you really need to exercise your grammar. Improved grammar will bring with it clarity, which will in turn have a positive effect on the other areas of your mark.

I hope the above helps. Good luck.

Thanks Ryan for your comments.

I tried to improve the answer, here is another attempt.
-------------------------------

In last few decades, unemployment has significantly raised all over the world. Young graduates are struggling more than ever to build their career. This essay is going to analyse the causes of the problem and its ill-effects.

There are several reasons for the freshers not getting job. First of all, because of lack in vision, inefficient curriculum are designed for the students. Secondly, there is continuous degradation in education system. For instance, India has 5000 private engineering colleges, and most of them does not have proper infra-structure. Every year lakhs and lakhs of students are graduating from there. Sadly most of them are not able to find a job, due to lack of skills. Hence, it is clear that lower education standard and poorly planned syllabus are the main causes.

There has been and will be worse effects. To begin, trust in education system will reduce when there is no enough reward. In addition, if the rate of unemployment continues, crime will increase. Unfortunately, the country's economy is directly influenced by crime rate and unemployment. For example, in spite of 98% Greece's literacy rate, it is failing to attract investors because of the unstable economy. Thus, it is evident that effects degrade not only an individual youngster but the system.

To sum up, causes of unemployment are mainly because of some wrong decisions, and effects are terrifying. So, governments should harden education system and make sure quality of studies, and draft plans to enhance the skill of jobless youth.