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Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 12:41 pm
by DiyaS
Atiqur786rasel wrote:Hi, I am Atiqur Rahman Rasel..Could someone , experienced , help me by correcting & scoring my following IELTS academic task 2 ?
WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material
possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem
important.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own
knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
The world is being changed. The one who are changing the world are humans. They are changing the world in many different ways. But they are also changing themselves in noticeable ways.Humans are having change in their morals,personalities, even in natures . Today , people view and distinguish others by their social status and possessions having forgotten the true values of human such as, honour , kindness and trust . In this essay , I will write in agreement with the opinion stated above .
First of all, humans are natural being . They are rational , creative & social . They have been created to be adaptive . That is why ,humans are forgetting old views & living with the new ones . Strangely enough , nowadays when you go to a village , you can see that if there is any person with most of the assets , that person is respected all over the village .A quintessence from my own village can be given here . Our so-called honorable chairman is a man with no honour let alone kindness . But he owns most of the lands of our villages . So , the villagers have to respect him . Though the villagers respect him on the outside , they resent him in the inside .
Furthermore , many people , though rich , intend to serve richer people than them as a base for their security .It is very natural for those people because you cannot live alone in the midst of a den being a frightened rabbit . To survive , you have to live along with other ferocious animals being nice . Another point can be made from today’s politics in Bangladesh .The people in authority are actually given authority because of tremendous amount of money or assets .They seem to have no eligibility at all. They don’t have any kindness at all . They are not trustworthy too.
In addition , young people with great talent , nowadays don’t get good jobs . Even if they possess unique qualities like kindness & truthfulness , they get rejected . It is because they don’t have any money or authority . A recent quintessence is perfect here . One of my cousins went to have a interview for a prestigious job recently . At one point , after being selected in the interview , the company asked for about 1 million taka in exchange of the job . So my cousin came back home being annoyed with himself . Because he had not enough money.
In conclusion , it is evident that , almost in every fields of life, old-fashioned values are not respected at all . People are revered just because of status and possessions such as money , assets etc. This will probably remain the same in future . Because , it is no longer needed for people to keep “Old” in their dictionary .
Here is my take on the same topic. Re-posting from the thread 'Academic writing Task 2 review'.
In an economy driven my consumers, it is natural to be tempted by material possessions. Owning a mansion and driving a Lamborghini to work every day will definitely make me popular. However when it comes to building a fulfilling life for myself, I think I need much more than a giant house and a fancy car. In my opinion a person’s worth is decided by the quality of his/her relationships which are built on the foundations of sound values.
More often than not success is truly enjoyed when you are surrounded by people who rejoice in your happiness. Happiness truly multiplies when shared. Building healthy and ever-lasting relationships takes values such as honor, kindness and trust, which are nowadays termed ‘old fashioned’. You cannot sell some shares at Wall Street and buy some friends. You have to invest time in people. Be there for them in their good and bad times, share their joys and sorrows. What kind of a person you really are underneath, will decide how well you build your relationships. We often see the lives of rich and famous being documented by the paparazzi. Their lives are depicted as though they are epitomes of success. However only a few years later they have a string of divorces and land up in rehabilitation centers battling alcohol and drug addictions. That is when we realize that they had got their priorities wrong all along.
There is no doubt that material possessions and a enviable social status make life comfortable. But that cannot come at the cost of your personal life. Having integrity, trust and a kind heart will take you a long way in leading a holistic life. Success will just be a by-product of your own traits.
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2014 1:10 pm
by dearjohn
dear ryan, please check my essay. feedbacks are highly appreciated.
The burning of oil for transport, especially in private cars, is wasteful and environmentally irresponsible. Taxation on petrol and diesel fuel should be increased to very high levels to discourage use of private cars. To what extent would you support or reject this idea?
Environmental problems are continously haunting the human populace up to this time. Many people believe that one predisposing factor to this unfortunate phenomenon is the use of oil to utilize private cars as a mode of transportation. Necessary actions should be realized to address this alarming concern. Increasing the price of petrol and fuel is a wise move to demotivate private car owners to limit the use of their car.
Less car in the road is tantamount to lesser smoke. As a result, the atmospheric air will be cleaner and healthier. This might also improve road traffic in major avenues, consequently, noise and congestion will be avoided. Trimming down the number of cars using oil as a fuel can actually enhance our chance to battle out pollution.
Furthermore, the tax that will be collected from the purchase of oil can be used to develop the country. It can also be used to fund scientific researches to discover energy resources that are environment-friendly and cost-effective. So, this can be of big help with the country's economic status.
However, one can argue that manipulating the cost of oil to avoid the use of private cars is irrational. This does not solve the main problem as a whole. Primarily, private cars are not chiefly the cause of environmental pollutions, and so, it is only a drop in a bucket. Factories that blows out massive toxic wastes, deforestation, and the like are the main contributory factors of the environmental problems we are experiencing now.
In addition, mostly, people who owns private car are rich and able to pay the price if needed. Increasing the price of oil is not an effective strategy as wealthy people could easily adopt to price changes. Car is more of a need rather than a want now.
In conclusion, environmental problems are multifaceted. The need to find effective and logical solutions is demanded.
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 1:22 am
by dearjohn
dear ryan, please check my essay. feedbacks are highly appreciated.
The burning of oil for transport, especially in private cars, is wasteful and environmentally irresponsible. Taxation on petrol and diesel fuel should be increased to very high levels to discourage use of private cars. To what extent would you support or reject this idea?
Environmental problems are continously haunting the human populace up to this time. Many people believe that one predisposing factor to this unfortunate phenomenon is the use of oil to utilize private cars as a mode of transportation. Necessary actions should be realized to address this alarming concern. Increasing the price of petrol and fuel is a wise move to demotivate private car owners to limit the use of their car.
Less car in the road is tantamount to lesser smoke. As a result, the atmospheric air will be cleaner and healthier. This might also improve road traffic in major avenues, consequently, noise and congestion will be avoided. Trimming down the number of cars using oil as a fuel can actually enhance our chance to battle out pollution.
Furthermore, the tax that will be collected from the purchase of oil can be used to develop the country. It can also be used to fund scientific researches to discover energy resources that are environment-friendly and cost-effective. So, this can be of big help with the country's economic status.
However, one can argue that manipulating the cost of oil to avoid the use of private cars is irrational. This does not solve the main problem as a whole. Primarily, private cars are not chiefly the cause of environmental pollutions, and so, it is only a drop in a bucket. Factories that blows out massive toxic wastes, deforestation, and the like are the main contributory factors of the environmental problems we are experiencing now.
In addition, mostly, people who owns private car are rich and able to pay the price if needed. Increasing the price of oil is not an effective strategy as wealthy people could easily adopt to price changes. Car is more of a need rather than a want now.
In conclusion, environmental problems are multifaceted. The need to find effective and logical solutions is demanded.
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 4:16 am
by dearjohn
please assess my essay, and give feedbacks
In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Nowadays, in some countries, students are preoccupied to do very well in their studies and consequently looses the opportunity to enjoy themselves. This situation can be rooted from various reasons and for sure there are reasonable solutions to address this concern, as will now be discussed.
One reason why young people ought to have limited leisure time and obsessed with academic studies is because of the popular notion that the world is now rather complicated. People needs to have a competitive scholastic background to increase the probability of getting a job, and so, young people tend to study hard for their future. For an instance, an employer would prefer a student who graduated with honors than a student who have suffering marks.
Another reason is that some students are able to attend school because of scholarships. The need to maintain good grades is often a requirement to stay in the program. This adds pressure to young adults. In connection to this, finding time to have leisure is a challenge.
A way to solve this is by inculcating to young people the importance of holistic nourishment. Not only knowledge is vital, but also skills and attitude are as essential to thrive. Finding time to have play is very beneficial as it develops healthy mind to have a positive outlook in life. The addition of interesting activities in school is also a bright idea where students get to unwind while actually learning practical skills.
Furthermore, government programs should focus on developing the education system in the country for example, here in the Philippines. The provision of assistance for students to attend school up to college without the demand to maintain superior grade is reasonable to implement. The government should realize that an overall healthy population not just merely an intelligent group of people is needed to build a strong nation.
In conclusion, young adults today tends to be very intellectually superior and ought not to do other things but study. Leading them the way is a key for them to change this perception. Moreover, the government should design programs for the betterment of the young citizens.
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 5:08 pm
by saqibali
dearjohn wrote:dear ryan, please check my essay. feedbacks are highly appreciated.
The burning of oil for transport, especially in private cars, is wasteful and environmentally irresponsible. Taxation on petrol and diesel fuel should be increased to very high levels to discourage use of private cars. To what extent would you support or reject this idea?
Environmental problems are continously haunting the human populace up to this time. Many people believe that one predisposing factor to this unfortunate phenomenon is the use of oil to utilize private cars as a mode of transportation. Necessary actions should be realized to address this alarming concern. Increasing the price of petrol and fuel is a wise move to demotivate private car owners to limit the use of their car[Need rephrasing].
Less car[Un appropriate usage of words] in the road is tantamount to lesser smoke. As a result, the atmospheric air will be cleaner and healthier. This might also improve road traffic in major avenues, consequently, noise and congestion will be avoided. Trimming down the number of cars using oil as a fuel can actually enhance our chance to battle out pollution.[Please rephrase these three sentences]
Furthermore, the tax that will be collected from the purchase of oil can be used to develop the country. It can also be used to fund scientific researches to discover energy resources that are environment-friendly and cost-effective. So, this can be of big help with the country's economic status.
However, one can argue that manipulating the cost of oil to avoid the use of private cars is irrational. This does not solve the main problem as a whole. Primarily, private cars are not chiefly the cause of environmental pollutions, and so, it is only a drop in a bucket. Factories that blows out massive toxic wastes, deforestation, and the like are the main contributory factors of the environmental problems we are experiencing now.
In addition, mostly, people who owns[delete s since you have used are ] private car[s] are rich and able to pay the price if needed. Increasing the price of oil is not an effective strategy as wealthy people could easily adopt to price changes. Car is more of a need rather than a want now.
In conclusion, environmental problems are multifaceted. The need to find effective and logical solutions is demanded.
Cohesion:Please follow ryan videos for argumentative essay
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2014 2:52 pm
by dearjohn
I need a feedback on this essay. PLEASE
The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.
Obesity among children is indeed becoming more common. This condition could negatively impact the young population especially with regards to their health. Many factors could be considered as a cause of this serious issue and efforts done at home and by the government should be shed to address this.
To begin with, obesity in children can be due to their exposure to junk foods in almost all places including schools. Foods such as candies, salty crackers and curls which contains inadequate nutritional value are omnipresent and are usually cheaply sold. As a result, children are tempted to consume these products in large amount as these foods are often appealing to children's tongue. To counteract this cause, the government can implement a law restricting vendors to sell junk foods at school or require food manufacturers to produce nutritious food products. For instance, in the Philippines, junk foods are banned at school and only foods with high nutritional value are allowed to be sold. Moreover, all junk foods are fortified with Vitamin A and other essential vitamins and minerals here in the country.
Furthermore, overweight parents produce overweight children. Children ought to imitate what they commonly observe. In the case of parents who has rather unhealthy lifestyle, their children may eventually adopt this way of living. This could happen as family shares same type of foods and daily routines. In connection to this, change should always start at home. Promoting healthy living is best amplified if parents act as an example. There are enjoyable activities that family could participate in, such as group exercise. Eating healthy food is also important. Parents should serve nutritious foods like vegetable but making it palatable and creative to tickle the interest of the young family members. Also, avoiding foods that are high in fat and sugar can be helpful.
In conclusion, obesity in children as we know can be blamed to the environment they are exposed to. Reasonable changes made by the government and more importantly by parents may decrease the incidence of this alarming health fact.
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 9:53 am
by econoth
Hi
I came across this blog few weeks before my IELTs test.Now, when I have received my result, I am here again. I got overall 7.5, but i need atleast 7 in academic writing as well.
L 9.0, R 7.0 S 7.5 W 6.5
This was my first attempt.When I see how many people have been struggling to cross this '0.5' hurdle, I thank to God and ask for courage and consistency to achieve atleast 7 in academic writing. So I hope Riyan's blog will stay there , helping me to remain consistent and motivated.
In general what I feel about IELTs writing is that you really need to be quick to get a nicely drafted 'final' answer.On the other hand while being in university I can spend more hours to draft to trim the text till get final version that can give me good enough level of satisfaction that atleast I did my best.
Thanks & Regards
Thanks & Regards
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2014 5:56 pm
by saqibali
Agree
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2014 6:12 pm
by imtiazarshad71
Dear,
I am going to appear in my GT IELTS on 2 Oct for the third time. I require 6 band in every module of test.
Can you advise me tips for GT reading and Listenig. I am ok with writing and speaking.
I hope your help will arrive soon.
Imtiaz Arshad
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2014 4:05 am
by RCLASS
Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for development of poorer nations. However, the government of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is true that health, education and trade are basic requirements of all the nations aiming to improve and optimise their country. I would say that providing poor nations with experience to grow is a major role that must be done by richer countries.
Poor nations today seem to face lack of healthcare, effective education system and stable economy. This is definitely bad in some ways because the poor nations should develop the public services such as schools, universities, hospitals, factories and infrastructure. That would make the community civilized, healthy and able to push down the headline of unemployment rate.
If poor nations do not optimise their social services when they are in the beginning stages, it is unlikely that they will be forced to develop these services later in life and the result will be seeing in higher level of illiterate, ill and jobless people. When I was young I had free healthcare, university and part time job to keep me occupied and I am greatful now that I got such support from my government.
On the other hand most of the poor nations suffuring from high population and less of expert officials staff. So, it is important that developed countries hold their responsibilities against underprivileged nations. The financial and educational support provided by high income countries will give the opportunity to improve poor nations.
In conclusion, I could certainly agree that richer governments must keep a good relationship with poor countries by finance and educate people. I don’t think that all poor nations are too dependent on high income countries but too many difinitely are. We cannot expect though that developed countries will ignore todays responsibilities and it is important that children in poor countries grow up with awareness and understanding of all challenges in economy, health, and education.
I believe it is up to poor nation governments to gide and encourage their people to a reasonable mixture between local and international support.
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2014 11:58 pm
by Slavica
I am new to the forum, and I am not sure I am putting my question on the right place..
I have recently found out about the videos made by Ryan, and I think they are very helpful.
I am sorry I didn't see them earlier.
However, seeing the videos about the essays, I became a little confused and I need help in clarifying some issues regarding the Opinion essays or Argument Essays as they are called in the videos.
I have been taking some preparation classes and my professor recommended using the book Successful writing - proficiency by Virginia Evans.
In the videos, Ryan suggest that we take a side, opinion and stick to that opinion, write two paragraphs with well-constructed topic sentences and supported examples and ideas. However, in the mentioned book for the structure of the opinion essays says that we must also include a paragraph presenting the opposing viewpoint and reason why we think it is an unconvincing viewpoint.
Main Body:
Paragraphs 2&3 (viewpoints&reasons&examples)
Paragraphs 4&5 (opposing viewpoints&reasons&examples)
Can somebody help clarifying this issue? What is the correct structure of these essays? Do we need to put opposing views and try to prove them as unconvincing or do we need to stick to our opinion only?
I really need to understand this, because I have been taking IELTS a couple of times and the score is always between 6.5 and 7 and I need higher score..
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2014 3:11 am
by sinister_rock
Hello Slavica,
My advice is that you should ONLY follow what Ryan is teaching you in the videos. It is not only good but it makes so much sense if you compare his teaching with the writing rubric (official IELTS band descriptor).
You should know that you have jumped into the raging river! Here, you will receive 100s of books and 100s of advices. Its upto you what you decide. Whatever you decide, you must stick to it and implement that method in the exam to the best of your abilities. Mixing 10 advice would be a suicidal attempt. Doing so, you would be riding against the tide.
Also, part of the reason is that we are not here to do PhD in IELTS. We have got many more interesting and rewarding things to do in life. If you do not stick to one method, you will ask the trouble for yourself by doing trials and errors. It will cost you both time and money.
Coming back to your referred book. It will be ridiculous to write 6 paragraphs in an IELTS writing test according to your thinking (intro, 2 paras agree, 2 paras disagree, and conclusion). That will put your essay at around 800 words. Also, it is not possible to write coherently for that long in 40 minutes under examination conditions. Why you wanna do that? If you stick to this plan you are bound to fail because he (examiner) has very limited time to look at you. IELTS writing examiners usually target correcting about 10 to 12 papers per hour. That means ONLY 5 minutes per paper with 2 writing tasks. You think you gonna hit 7 bands in this situation with 800 words essay?
Another thing is that you are wasting your energy writing about other side of the argument. Why you wanna do that when the question is asking for your opinion only I.e it is literally asking you about either yes or no, agree or disagree and not both.
If you like to write both ways then you can write a balanced essay meaning intro, agree para, disagree para, and conclusion. So in any case, your essay must have only 4 paragraphs not less not more. Write those coherently, showing examiner the logical progression in your writing by using less common vocabulary (not necessarily adcanced vocabulary from oxford dictionary) you are on your way to get 7+.
So, my advice to you is go back to YouTube, stay there for 4 days. Watch all of Ryan's video without skipping a second. And think over it. After, couple of hours you will notice that it make so much sense sticking to the plan that he teaches you.
Final advice - The band scores of IELTS proves nothing. Its just one document you need to go to the other side of the river (immigration, professional registration, higher studies). So, pass the exam once and for all and move on. You will need a thick luck as well with your preparation. Only preparation will not help. So you need both.
Hope it helps.
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 8:20 am
by balibutt
hellow guys plz check and feed back!
Some people like to do only what they already do well. Other people prefer to try new things and take risks. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.
There are different groups of people in this universe. Nature has blessed everybody with distinct features and characteristics. It is argued that many like to do the same type of work, while other believers in adaptability and take calculated risks. it can strongly be agreed that illustrates well a particular type of work the craft which is achieved through discipline, persistence and determination. These points will be elaborated in following paragraphs.
Firstly, Drill and continuity is a vital source to achieve excellence.
Repeating certain sort of labor results in far better outcome.
Take an acknowledged singer as an example, if he is perfect singing, he would not try to adopt another profession or carrier. He would simply like to keep and maintain it.If he would develop habits of persistence and will follow a certain set of rules he would remain at peak.
Secondly, determined mind leads to achievement. If one is not energetic or full of potential neither he would attain nor achieve desired goal.
History has proved that great skilled workers of certain kinds of art were the winner.
Finally, it can be said that community of certain people loves to work specifically in their field of interest. Some try to do many things at the same time, but the chances of their success are very unlikely.
On the other hand, punctuality and repetition of a certain work produce champions. I strongly recommend and support the group of people who do identical or same type of work in their life.
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 8:23 am
by balibutt
Some people like to travel with a companion. Other people prefer to travel alone. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.
Travelling is always a healthy activity in people.
It is a source of recreation and learning. It is argued that accompanying a buddy on a trip add embellishment to it.A buddy creates great company which triggers entertainment and discussion. These points will be proven in following paragraphs.
Firstly, a journey gives us a feeling of joy and fun. Life is the name of livelihood and enjoyment. We can enjoy the nature around us by visiting different touring points with a friend. For instance, going on vacation with a friend to the hill station was a magnificent experience for me.
We both enjoyed our journey towards that area, which was interesting and amazing.
We played card games and chess, which kept us so engaged that we did not even realized when we reached our desired station.
Secondly, one can easily share his feelings and experience with somebody during his company. During the trip I told my friend about every single thing which allured me. There was an immense exchange of ideas and thoughts between us. Discussing our experiences gives us a splendid contentment. This exercise was not possible without a partner during the trip.
To sum it up, it can be said that going out with someone on a journey is a vital source of happiness and catharsis of our thoughts. It makes distance, seemingly short and refreshing. This is only possible in part with somebody.
I strongly recommend a partner while on a journey.
Looking forward for ur suggestions mates......
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 8:34 am
by balibutt
msasshra wrote:Hello every one
can anybody help with grading my essay
the question is
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.
do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?
It is believed that we have thousands of languages all over the world.
And of course each one carries it’s own arts and aspects of science; therefore governments should encourage their peoples to be aware of most of these languages, so they benefit from all these resources of knowledge. Many people think giving children the chance to learn foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school is of great benefit on their mindset. I myself believe that such chance is a double-sided weapon that if used wisely would diminish its risks.
On the one side, a six-months-experimental trial, that has been conducted in 2008 in the United States by Yale University on children aged seven to tweleve years who were divided into two groups, the first learnt a foreign language besides their native one and the second learnt just their mother tongue. After precise analysis of the experiment results, most children in the first group were able to pass the IQ tests with a score much higher than the second one; moreover they could remember and recall more things in the memory tests than the other group. Another evidence that would support such perspective, children who learn a foreign language have the chance to learn about different foreign figures and icons as an effective mean of understanding. To conclude, a strong relationship exists between the development of children’s intellectual abilities and the capacity of their understanding on so many scales as well as the ability to absorb different cultures and learning a foreign language at primary schools.
On the other side, many children who studied one foreign language besides their native one tend to have some obstacles. First, many of them always intrude some foreign words in the middle of their speech, consequently that leads to misunderstanding among the audience. Second, some of those youngsters lean towards foreign cultures and even forget totally about his traditional one, which may lead to loss of nations’ legacy. That proves the drawbacks of learning foreign language during primary school. A suggested solution to elude these problems is to allocate secondary school for foreign language learning, when personalities of youth have been matured enough.
In conclusion, learning different language at primary school has great useful impacts on children and of course its advantages outweigh disadvantages just if been done under control.
you must watch ryan video on choosing an easy route while writting easy.
a mid way esssay is difficult to write.i suggest always choose simple style either on agreement or disagreement
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Mon Nov 03, 2014 3:17 pm
by Ghazal
Hi every one,
Here's my essay. Can anyone help me improve it? Any guess about its score?
Numerous conditions play role in selecting an appropriate place to grow up a child. Some features such as better facilities are available in big cities, while some others such as clean air and safe environment exist in small towns.
Living in big cities may have several advantages for bringing up a child. Firstly, there exists a wider range of public and private schools with different educational approaches in big cities. Consequently, one can choose among many alternatives. Secondly, entertainment facilities like toy stores, amusement parks, cinemas, theaters, concerts, sport clubs, etc. are within easy reach in big cities. Finally, medical and healthcare services are of higher quality in big cities. By considering the above reasons, it’s easier to bring up a child in bigger cities.
On the other hand, small towns benefit from cleaner air and environment and that would provide children with healthier environment and would decrease the risks of some diseases. Moreover, the rate of committing crimes is much less in comparison to big cities. Therefore, small towns are safer places to grow up a child. Furthermore, children have to create their own fun. As a result children come up with creative ideas to play games in groups such as hide and seek or hopscotch which are some examples of traditional outdoor games and learn sociability skills in interactions with their peers.
In conclusion, big cities and small towns both offer their own advantages and disadvantages for raising children; and one can decide between them based on his preferences and priorities.
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Fri Nov 14, 2014 11:26 am
by mmg21
Hi.. i am going to take ielts on 6th dec,,, Ryan, can you please check my essay and score it...i need to know where i stand and what are my short-comings... in which fields i require improvement..
Some people think that rich countries should help the poor ones by giving them money while others believe that some other efficient forms of international aid are also available for the aid.
What is your opinion ? Explain with reasoning.
__________________________________________________________________
In the modern era, most of the developing countries have to look towards the developed countries for aid and to fulfill their economic needs. Rich countries can do this by funding the poor ones or it can be done in some other ways, which will be discussed in detail in coming paragraphs of the essay.
Firstly, developed countries can offer scholarships for the students coming from the poor countries, so that in the future, they can help their countries themselves. Secondly, economically stable and grooming countries can offer jobs for the citizens of countries with a struggling economy. This can be done in several ways, e.g. specific visas categories can be launched for highly skilled professionals for different projects, and for unskilled people - according to the need of manpower. Thirdly, countries with more organized health care systems can send their health professionals; including medical and paramedics. Either these professionals can do much good for the people on their own or they can train their counterparts in the developing countries, which will have long-term effects. Medicines can also be donated or sold at cheaper rates, as a part of international-aid to the countries who are unable to build their own resources. So, there are multiple options available for rich countries intending to help a needy one.
On the other hand, some people think that rich countries should give funds to help the poor country(s).This can be effective if all the amount is utilized in a properly organized manner. But, as the most of developing countries have high corruption rates in almost all of their departments, it is very difficult to expect a corruption free usage of the granted aid.
After analyzing all the examples, it can be concluded that there are many of the options are available as a part of international-aid. In my opinion big powers of the world should consider all the discussed options rather than handing over the cash and credit to the leaders of developing countries.
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 1:03 pm
by irmak
Would you please assess my eassy?
The topic is some some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others,however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and motivation for commiting it, should always be taken into account when deciding on punishment.
Nowadays, crime rate is getting higher day by day. The most of crimes are comitted by people who are just released from court because of the indicating good motivation and proper language. However, the some people think that punishments should be fixed.
In each crime,people, circumstances and the intentions are different. Some crimes are comitted with extreme desire and some of them are comitted without any bad intention. Giving the same punishment to the suspects in the second case becomes injustice. For example, according to the this , a terrorist and a woman who just wanted to protect herself from her bad husband's violence, will take the same punishment because of the attempting the murder. In this point, is this verdict right? I do not agree this idea.
On the other hand, criminals are good at acting than any actor on the world. After committing crime, they can persuade the jury and judge to believe that it was a mistake and it occured without any bad intention. Furthermore, they do this with proper language. In this point, jury and judge remain under the speech of criminal and jusge gives less punishment than ordinary ones. When the punishment finished, criminals go back their business and complete their mission which was not done previous time and this causes heavier casulities.
In conclusion, different suspects should not take same punishment. Justice must be applied in right way and the jury should not be let under effect of criminal. Judgement should be proceed by professional personality experts.
Cheers
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2015 4:39 pm
by pheyferdiana
Hii..
I am Phey, i need your help to give my suggestions on my writing.
question:
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Answer:
Basically, the pupils start to learn foreign languages at secondary school. However, in globalization era, it is believed to be better introducing them in earlier stages by some educationalists. Furthermore, when it comes to measure its difference, views differ greatly.
The convincing argument in its favour is that young people generally are able to learn languages easier than teenagers because of the fresh of stimulation in their brains. It means that they have an appropriate time to pick up another language as soon as possible. Moreover, nowadays, several languages have been an international language where those have been used by the majority of people in the whole world such as Mandarin, English and Hindi. Afterwards, children are able to generate the opportunity by communicating in the languages.
On the other hand, there will have some disadvantages learning a foreign language at the first step of their school. First of all, the primary teachers may not have the necessary language skills that are able to help their student as the standard of language. Furthermore, there will be a diversity of skills which the secondary school should conduct for standardizing their abilities. However, these issues can be fixed by the regulation from government which would have been made.
By and large, young people is very advised to study other languages at the early stage in primary school because of the velocity of children’s ability to enlarge the knowledge especially on languages, even though there will be a variety of skills each individual but it is still able to be coped by government.
Thank for giving me some advises.
Re: Would you please correct it?
Posted: Tue Feb 17, 2015 6:31 am
by safoora
Environmental pollution is a serious issue and it is important to take steps on an individuals level to reduce it.But now, since it is becoming an international issue, it is time to take environmental protection to a higher level.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Without a doubt, many personal considerations have been taken into action to reduce the environmental pollution level.However, due to the fact that environmental pollution rises to a global level,improvement of defeating methods is required.i totally support this statement and in the following paragraphs I am going to describe my points of view.
Nowadays, the amount of environmental pollution is too high to be overcomed just by people.For example, sometimes in Tehran the level of air pollution rises to its highest degree.In this situation people cannot clean the air because its beyond their abilities.They just should stay at home to take care of themselves.Thus, more serious preventive acts should be st to avoid environmental pollution.
many people because of their own advantages may not act morally to protect the environment.for instance,in Iran many factories drop their wastes into the rivers or seas. instead of destroying them in scientific ways.by doing this the may cut their costs in order to earn more profits. This happen because not all the people care about their environment .So ,strict rules should be set to force people respecting the environment as well as not allowing them to damage their surroundings.
Finally, sometimes the level of environmental pollution is so high that individuals cannot handle it personally.Moreover, some people may take environment for granted and do not pay enough attention to it.hence, the protection level should be improved to a higher one.This may help the reduction of environmental pollution.
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 6:46 pm
by jyoti
Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t.
Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion.
People enjoy watching sports .Sports play important role in the fields of entertainment. Many top athletes are admired throughout their countries and have big fan following. Many people argue that professional athletes make good role models for young people, however, this is refuted by others.These arguments will be analyzed prior to coming to a reasoned conclusion.
Today, it is felt by many people that athletes make role models for young generation and inspired them with their work. Many children like famous professional athletes and want to become like them. This is apparent that many young generation like sport which is good for their health and sports teach many valuable lesson like discipline, teamwork and goal setting. For example, many top professional athletes set an example of great role model for many children in India. Professional athletes demonstrate the importance of hard work in achieving goal and practising regularly to be good at something. This example clearly shows that how professional athletes plays an important part in young generation’s life and make role model for them. Thus, It is easy to see why this argument garnered a lot of support.
On the other hand, it is refuted by others that athletes are not always role models. There are many professional athletes once they reach the level of fame, they are attracted by media attention and large financial benefits and ready to take bribe for sports fixing. For instance,There are many professional athletes who fall for money and cheated on their country. Many children think that fame and money plays an important role in sports because of that children do not learn the valuable attributes of sports . This example shows that how many athletes mislead the young generation. Thus, it is disagreed by many people that professional athletes are always roel models.
After analyzing these two points of views, it is felt that professional athletes plays an important role in young generation’s life. In years to come, professional athelets become a role model for every child if they play well and focus and show positive aspects of playing sports.
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 6:56 pm
by jyoti
Hi every one,
Here's my essay. Can anyone help me improve it? Any guess about its score?
Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t.
Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion.
People enjoy watching sports .Sports play important role in the fields of entertainment. Many top athletes are admired throughout their countries and have big fan following. Many people argue that professional athletes make good role models for young people, however, this is refuted by others.These arguments will be analyzed prior to coming to a reasoned conclusion.
Today, it is felt by many people that athletes make role models for young generation and inspired them with their work. Many children like famous professional athletes and want to become like them. This is apparent that many young generation like sport which is good for their health and sports teach many valuable lesson like discipline, teamwork and goal setting. For example, many top professional athletes set an example of great role model for many children in India. Professional athletes demonstrate the importance of hard work in achieving goal and practising regularly to be good at something. This example clearly shows that how professional athletes plays an important part in young generation’s life and make role model for them. Thus, It is easy to see why this argument garnered a lot of support.
On the other hand, it is refuted by others that athletes are not always role models. There are many professional athletes once they reach the level of fame, they are attracted by media attention and large financial benefits and ready to take bribe for sports fixing. For instance,There are many professional athletes who fall for money and cheated on their country. Many children think that fame and money plays an important role in sports because of that children do not learn the valuable attributes of sports . This example shows that how many athletes mislead the young generation. Thus, it is disagreed by many people that professional athletes are always roel models.
After analyzing these two points of views, it is felt that professional athletes plays an important role in young generation’s life. In years to come, professional athelets become a role model for every child if they play well and focus and show positive aspects of playing sports.
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 11:46 am
by ielts_barry
Please critic my ielts task 2 essay. Thanks
Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?
Child obesity is one alarming issue that every country is facing these days. Clearly, this particular health problem has been long linked to more serious complications. To control such epidemic, people must be educated on ways it occurs and how to overcome it.
To begin, one reason why obesity is becoming more and more common in children is their unsupervised eating habits. Such instance can be observed at school cafeterias where a lot of junk foods are being sold. Children at schools, without their parents to guide them, might be tempted to eat these junk foods uncontrollably. Another cause of child obesity is the lack of knowledge on health and wellness. Some parents who cannot afford to send their children to schools, where health education is being taught, is one reason of such dilemma. Apparently, they have no one who can teach them how to lead a healthy lifestyle.
In order to prevent and overcome obesity in children, people must come up with vital solutions. Schools should reinforce the importance of good health by offering more nutritious food at cafeterias. If not possible to completely eliminate, junk foods should only be sold in controllable amounts. This way, children will be exposed to more healthful choices. Meanwhile, those less privileged children can still be educated about wellness. With the help of the government, there must be programs that focus on such issue. Health- related projects like Health Education will encourage verbalization of concerns and questions to help them acquire more knowledge.
To conclude, obesity among children has become a worldwide phenomenon. Although it is becoming more and more prevalent due to a number of reasons, a joined effort of parents, schools, and the government can be done to make the world a healthier place to live in for children.
Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2015 6:01 am
by meridithbream
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Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it
Posted: Sun Mar 08, 2015 12:00 pm
by tudureandavid
Hello everyone , i would like to share with you my academic writing task 2 , and if there is somebody to correct it i would appriciate it a lot.
The question task is : Excessive traffic has made cities unpleasant places to live and work in.For this reason,private cars should be completly banned from city centers
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, many people believe that cities have changed their aspect due to extreme traffic. This has caused the creation of an unsupportable atmosphere to live or even work in. For this to be solved, private cars must be interdicted in city centers. Nonetheless I somewhat disagree with this statement.
The main reason I agree with the statement is because of the emitted exhaust gases of cars which represents a problem for an urban environment.Also a high level of pollution can disturb the daily people's behavior.Firstly, a major contribution on deterioring the air it's done by CO2.Not only that damage our city's atmospher and creates a dense fog,as in the case of many chinese cities but also affect the whole ozone layer.Secondly,our healthy it's putted in danger, as a result ,people find it difficult to manage with this lifestyle.
However, the reason why I disagree with the statement is because if men would ban private cars from city centers,then they will face difficulties in transportation.Despite of all the fresh air they may get,citizens will need to let their cars away from the city and then coming back to town would require special transportation.Similarly, the big distances between one place and another which a man would be forced to travel on foot would become too much exhausting.
To sum up ,I somewhat agree that cars are doing real damage to our city environment.Nonetheless,I believe that although the cars are harmful for our lives , it would not be an efficient thing to forbid them in city centers.
250 words . Any opinion is well welcome.