please give your valuable feedback my exam is on Sept 20

[hari6143]

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas.


Poverty is one of the major concerned for all developing and undeveloped countries. Health, education and trade are essential for a country development. I completely agree with the developed nations can take lead in helping undeveloped countries. What significant role this richer countries play in helping and need for it will be analysed in detail.
Most undeveloped countries see low education rate. Their government cannot help their citizens as there is deficient budget to provide education. for example , in India the education rate is very low to get at least schooling education to all , this can only possible by helping hand from richer countries.
When we talk about health issue, now –a-days deathly viruses are increasing rapidly , for example , recent virus Ebola which started in south Africa, to do research and develop new vaccines that government need to spend more money on it , this can cannot be done with south Africa because it is poor country and their economy is very bad , so rich countries need to help in research and supply vaccines .
Rich countries can also help poor countries by trading .for example, poor countries need money for trading this can be done only by support of word bank. But if the government not see required profit than it leads to big concerned .to help this situation world rich countries formed one group called G8,and started all poor countries.
In conclusion, rich countries play a major role in assisting developing poor nations deal with essential areas such as health, education and trade. Also, poor nations should use this funds in most appropriate way.

[Johnson zhang]

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas.


Poverty is one of the major concerned for all developing and undeveloped countries.
I don't think poverty is the key topic here. The development of poorer nations is.
In all continents, there are poorer countries contrasting to richer ones. The development of those weaker economies are often in need of a great amount of help or boost.


Health, education and trade are essential for a country development.
I don't see how this sentence is connected to sentence 1.

I completely agree with the developed nations can take lead in helping undeveloped countries.
I dont understand.

What significant role this richer countries play in helping and need for it will be analysed in detail.
I dont understand.

[robin20y]

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas.
(i think think question is not complete. is it an argument or discussion?)


Poverty is one of the major concerned for all developing and undeveloped countries(This sentence has no role with the question. Question asks how developed countries can help undeveloped one to improve their sectors of health education and business ). Health, education and trade are essential for a country development.(repeat of question words= forbidden ) I agreed that developed nations can help undeveloped countries(use synonyms; nations). What significant role this richer countries play in helping and need for it will be analysed in detail. How developed nations can help third world nation will be analysed in this study.
Most undeveloped countries see low education rate(illiteracy is a major problem in most developing countries).Their government cannot help their citizens as there is deficient budget to provide education. For example , in India, the education(literacy rate not education rate) rate is very low to get at least schooling education to all , this can only possible by helping hand from richer countries. so....
When we talk about health issue( when considering the health sector), now –a-days deathly viruses are increasing rapidly ,. For example , recent virus Ebola which started in south Africa, to do research and develop new vaccines that government need to spend more money on it , this can cannot be done with south Africa because it is poor country and their economy is very bad , so rich countries need to help in research and supply vaccines . wordings are so poor. make it short (For instance, recent spread of deadly ebola virus in some poor African nations became a financial burden for their governments. without the aid from other super rich countries, those poor nations cannot fight that deadly disease.
Rich countries can also help poor countries by trading .for example, poor countries need money for trading this can be done only by support of wordworld bank. But( you cant start a sentence with "but") if the government not see required profit than it leads to big concerned .to help this situation world rich countries formed one group called G8,and started all poor countries.
In conclusion, rich countries play a major role in assisting developing poor nations deal with essential areas such as health, education and trade. Also, poor nations should use this funds in most appropriate way.

[hari6143]

hi robin,
your great and best ..........
i am very very happy with ur feedbackkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Thanks...
with your feedback i can clear my ielts.
listen i am able to get max of 35 .
reading - 36
speaking OK - feedback from friends.
only writing hope u help me still my exam....

[holymanbinny]

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas.
(i think think question is not complete. is it an argument or discussion?)


Poverty is one of the major concerned for all developing and undeveloped countries(This sentence has no role with the question. Question asks how developed countries can help undeveloped one to improve their sectors of health education and business ). Health, education and trade are essential for a country development.(repeat of question words= forbidden ) I agreed that developed nations can help undeveloped countries(use synonyms; nations). What significant role this richer countries play in helping and need for it will be analysed in detail. How developed nations can help third world nation will be analysed in this study.
Most undeveloped countries see low education rate(illiteracy is a major problem in most developing countries).Their government cannot help their citizens as there is deficient budget to provide education. For example , in India, the education(literacy rate not education rate) rate is very low to get at least schooling education to all , this can only possible by helping hand from richer countries. so....
When we talk about health issue( when considering the health sector), now –a-days deathly viruses are increasing rapidly ,. For example , recent virus Ebola which started in south Africa, to do research and develop new vaccines that government need to spend more money on it , this can cannot be done with south Africa because it is poor country and their economy is very bad , so rich countries need to help in research and supply vaccines . wordings are so poor. make it short (For instance, recent endemic due to deadly ebola virus in some impoverished African nations became a financial burden for their governments. without the aid from other super wealthy countries, those deprived nations cannot fight that deadly disease.
Rich countries can also help poor countries by trading .for example, poor countries need money for trading this can be done only by support of wordworld bank. But( you cant start a sentence with "but") if the government not see required profit than it leads to big concerned .to help this situation world rich countries formed one group called G8,and started all poor countries.
In conclusion, rich countries play a major role in assisting developing poor nations deal with essential areas such as health, education and trade. Also, poor nations should use this funds in most appropriate way.

focus on vocabulary and strengthen you sentences by making it little more complex and do practice ..cheers