One of the most important factor in the world decides about a person is it own character. This factore can judge a person very easily. Character plays a major role than experience of person in life which influences this personality and development. This two parameters will be analysed before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.
Firstly I would talk about character, that if a person stick to his character this can help him to grow his personality. For example, a person which soft and gentle character can help him to grow to any highs . and highly respected in the society . Because of this it is easy to see the birth character has high influence in once personality development.
However on the other side experience gained in life will help to the develop personality but it related to only that situation, for example , if person fails in an exam, in the next attempt he can clear that exam with previous experience but not the other exams. Thus this makes it clear why experience always helps to build once personality but not in all aspects.
In summary, both the factors has strong support. however after analysis, that character is a factor that lie with a person till he die and helps in all the events when compared to experience which teaches only after passing it . it is recommended that people should always stick to their character that helps them to develop in all the aspects
please give feedback on y essay. appor band is more apprecia
Re: please give feedback on y essay. appor band is more appr
please any one help me to give feedback on my essay...
Re: please give feedback on y essay. appor band is more appr
One of the most important factor in the world decides about a person is it own character. This factore can judge a person very easily. Character plays a major role than experience of person in life which influences this personality and development. This(these) two parameters will be analysed before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.
Firstly I would talk about character, ( It looks like you are talking to someone; not a writing style)that if a person stick to his character this can help him to grow his personality. For example, a person which soft and gentle character can help him to grow to any highs . and highly respected in the society . Because of this it is easy to see the birth character has high influence in once personality development.
You were trying to prove something with examples which is not genuine.. we are born without a personality or character. Actually, we develop our character and personality by observing others.
However on the other side experience gained in life will help to the develop personality but it related to only that(which situation) situation, for example , if person fails in an exam, in the next attempt he can clear that exam with previous experience but not the other exams( i dont understand what you are trying to say here. Did you mean" a failed experience in an examination is helpful for someone to pass in the same exam next time"?? then also it is an awkward sentence) . Thus this makes it clear why experience always helps to build once personality but not in all aspects.
In summary, both the factors has(have) strong support. however after analysis, that character is a factor that lie with a person till he die and helps in all the events when compared to experience which teaches only after passing it . it is recommended that people should always stick to their character that helps them to develop in all the aspects
Dear hari,
You have tried to make a style which is being taught by Ryan. However, your essay failed to convey a message to reader. The ideas you have used are really baseless in my view. You were tried to give examples to prove your view; but they are also not creating any impression in readers.
Please don't take my criticisms negatively.
I think that you are new to IELTS. So, what i suggest for you is, read some essays before you start to write. While reading, look how the ideas are written and organized. You can google for Band 8 or 9 model essays for reading. By doing that, you will get some basic ideas regarding the topics you are going to write.
Nobody is perfect, so I am also not exempted from that. I used to write horrible essays. Now also, I make several mistakes in writing. I believe that if you work hard, you can write very good essays.
keep posting on this website and i can help you as much as I can.
All the best
Firstly I would talk about character, ( It looks like you are talking to someone; not a writing style)that if a person stick to his character this can help him to grow his personality. For example, a person which soft and gentle character can help him to grow to any highs . and highly respected in the society . Because of this it is easy to see the birth character has high influence in once personality development.
You were trying to prove something with examples which is not genuine.. we are born without a personality or character. Actually, we develop our character and personality by observing others.
However on the other side experience gained in life will help to the develop personality but it related to only that(which situation) situation, for example , if person fails in an exam, in the next attempt he can clear that exam with previous experience but not the other exams( i dont understand what you are trying to say here. Did you mean" a failed experience in an examination is helpful for someone to pass in the same exam next time"?? then also it is an awkward sentence) . Thus this makes it clear why experience always helps to build once personality but not in all aspects.
In summary, both the factors has(have) strong support. however after analysis, that character is a factor that lie with a person till he die and helps in all the events when compared to experience which teaches only after passing it . it is recommended that people should always stick to their character that helps them to develop in all the aspects
Dear hari,
You have tried to make a style which is being taught by Ryan. However, your essay failed to convey a message to reader. The ideas you have used are really baseless in my view. You were tried to give examples to prove your view; but they are also not creating any impression in readers.
Please don't take my criticisms negatively.
I think that you are new to IELTS. So, what i suggest for you is, read some essays before you start to write. While reading, look how the ideas are written and organized. You can google for Band 8 or 9 model essays for reading. By doing that, you will get some basic ideas regarding the topics you are going to write.
Nobody is perfect, so I am also not exempted from that. I used to write horrible essays. Now also, I make several mistakes in writing. I believe that if you work hard, you can write very good essays.
keep posting on this website and i can help you as much as I can.
All the best
Re: please give feedback on y essay. appor band is more appr
many thanks robin,
i am preparing for ielts and this is my first essay. many thanks for your help. i will coorect myself as per your suggestions ..
cheers!!!!
i am preparing for ielts and this is my first essay. many thanks for your help. i will coorect myself as per your suggestions ..
cheers!!!!