Please help to assess and score my essay.. thanks!!!

[asrizefanya]

Question: some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory par of high school programs (for
example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood, or teaching sports to younger children)

To what extent are you agree or disagree?


Community services like working for charity, improving the neighborhood, or teaching sport to younger children, has become more popular recently. Some people believe that it is compulsory for high school students to participate in that kind of activities. It is agreed that community services should be compulsory for them. It will be proven by analyzing how being socially responsible and experience gained from volunteering will benefit the children.
Being socially responsible is important to develop their characteristics, to be sensitive toward social, cultural, economic, and environmental issues. For instance, by teaching younger children who do not have the opportunity to go to school will make them realize that they are fortunate, and there are people that need their help. They will have the ability to react to resolve issues around them. Thus, it is clear that being socially responsible is important for the students.
Working experience is very important for children’s future. Being involved in volunteering activities is one of the way where children can gained that experience. As an example, children who involve in that activities is highly likely to be accepted in top universities, and also to be granted a scholarship. Experience gained from volunteering activities will give them competitive advantages compared to others.
Following the analyzation of the importance of volunteering activities for high school students to teach them how to be socially responsible and to gain experience, it is clear that volunteering activities should be a mandatary part of high schools programmes. It is expected that children who involve in that activities will have advantages compared to others.