Could you please correct my essay and provide feedback

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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fas_saf28
Posts: 25
Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2014 2:20 pm

Could you please correct my essay and provide feedback

Post by fas_saf28 »

Essay Question 6:

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life.

• Which do you consider to be the major influence?
• Give reasons for your answer and including any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience


Response:

The idea about the factors that influence human growth varies from different cultures across the globe. However, successful people strongly believe in themselves for their success in life. It can be agreed that acquired experience majorly influence one’s personality and development than with one's own birth characteristics. This will be proven by seeing as has how failures help you prepare for success and from the lessons you learn from the experiences of others.


Firstly, according to the famous wording "Failure are the stepping stone to success", people can achieve development only through their own experiences. For instance, I have recently been promoted as a team lead at my work. This is because of my skills gained only by the experiences I went through in this industry for a while. Thus, it can be seen as how people can develop self majorly by their own experiences.

Secondly, people cannot shape their personality by birth characteristics, which can be achieved only by the lessons learnt from life. For me, I have improved my personality by studying the experiences of historical figures from the novels I read. It becomes apparent that by learning the experiences of others one can develop his personality.

Finally after analyzing both these ideas, it can be clearly seen that own experience has a major influence in the area of personality and development than which could be acquired by birth characteristics. It is recommended that people should seek development in their life gaining real-time experiences rather than believing on inherited features.
robin20y
Posts: 82
Joined: Thu May 08, 2014 8:53 am

Re: Could you please correct my essay and provide feedback

Post by robin20y »

hi
Your essay is organised in well manner. sentences are linked together in beautiful way. paragraphs have cohesion. what the problem i can see in here is that in your first BP, you wrote a quote related to failure and then you related that to experience. But, the connection between failure and experience is absent. you could have written there
" some mistakes happened in my professional life helped me to improve in my work and gave a priceless experience. As a result, I have been promoted as a team leader in work place".
Apart from that, I dont see much problems in your writing. keep practising and make your dream come true.
(thank you for helping me in my essays also :) )
fas_saf28
Posts: 25
Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2014 2:20 pm

Re: Could you please correct my essay and provide feedback

Post by fas_saf28 »

I appreciate your effort to provide the feedback:)
Thank you and I'll continue to watch your posts and give my comments.
hari6143
Posts: 18
Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2014 2:08 am

Re: Could you please correct my essay and provide feedback

Post by hari6143 »

hi please give feedback on my eassy on the same topic above .


One of the most important factor in the world decides about a person is it character. This factor is so use that we can judge a person very easily. Character plays a major role than experience of person in life which influences this personality and development. This two parameters will be analysed before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.
Firstly I would talk about character that if a person stick to his character this can help my grow his personality. For example, a person which soft and gentle character can help him to grow any highs . and highly respected in the society . Because of this it is easy to see the birth character has high influence in once personal development.

However on the other side experience gained in life will help to the personality but it related to only that situation, for example , if person fails in an exam, in the next attempt he can clear that exam with previous experience. Thus this makes it clear why experience always helps to build once personality in al l aspects.
In summary, both the factors has strong support. however after analysis that character is a factor that lie with a person till he die and helps in all the events when compared to experience which teaches us after the we feel it . it is recommended that people should always stick to their character that helps them to develop in all the aspects
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