comment my essay on FATHERHOOD & MOTHERHOOD

[Piazzi]

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the
following topic.

"Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are
solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they
are also responsible for bringing the children up."

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


I believe that child-rearing should be the responsibility of both parents and that,
| whilst the roles within that partnership may be different, they are nevertheless equal
in importance. In some societies, it has been made easier over the years for single
parents to raise children on their own. However, this does not mean that the
traditional family, with both parents providing emotional support and role-models for
their children, is not the most satisfactory way of bringing up children.

Of crucial importance, in my opinion, is how we define 'responsible for bringing the
children up'. At its simplest, it could mean giving the financial support necessary to
provide a home, food and clothes and making sure the child is safe and receives an
adequate education. This would be the basic definition.

There is, however, another possible way of defining that part of the quotation. That
would say it is not just the fathers responsibility to provide the basics for his children, ;
while his wife involves herself in the everyday activity of bringing them up. Rather, he
should share those daily duties, spend as much time as his job allows with his
children, play with them, read to them, help directly with their education, participate
very fully in their lives and encourage them to share his.

It is this second, fuller, concept of 'fatherhood' that I am in favour of, although I also
realise how difficult it is to achieve sometimes. The economic and employment
situation in many countries means that jobs are getting more, not less, stressful,
requiring long hours and perhaps long journeys to work as well. Therefore it may
remain for many a desirable ideal rather than an achievable reality.

[saqibali]

Dear Candidate,
I would suggest you to follow Ryan pattern in crafting paragraphs.

[farhadhariri]

hi

[robin20y]

"Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are
solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they
are also responsible for bringing the children up."

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


I believe that child-rearing <#"childbearing"> should be the responsibility of both parents and that,
2-->| whilst the roles within that partnership may be different, they are nevertheless equal
in importance. In some societies, it has been made easier over the years for single
parents to raise children on their own. 3-->However, this does not mean that the
traditional family, with both parents providing emotional support and role-models for
their children, is not the most satisfactory way of bringing up children.

Of crucial importance, in my opinion, is how we define 'responsible for bringing the
children up'. At its simplest, it could mean giving the financial support necessary to
provide a home, food and clothes and making sure the child is safe and receives an
adequate education. This would be the basic definition.

There is, however, another possible way of defining that part of the quotation. That
would say it is not just the fathers responsibility to provide the basics for his children, ;
while his wife involves herself in the everyday activity of bringing them up. Rather, he
should share those daily duties, spend as much time as his job allows with his
children, play with them, read to them, help directly with their education, participate
very fully in their lives and encourage them to share his.

It is this second, fuller, concept of 'fatherhood' that I am in favour of, although I also
realise how difficult it is to achieve sometimes. The economic and employment
situation in many countries means that jobs are getting more, not less, stressful,
requiring long hours and perhaps long journeys to work as well. Therefore it may
remain for many a desirable ideal rather than an achievable reality.
Piazzi

hi piazzi
I think you are a newbie to IELTS. So,I Would like to give you some suggestions.
1) Follow a pattern for essay writing ( like Ryan shows in his videos.)
One paragraph for introduction
Two body paragraph
One paragraph of conclusion.
2) Try not to write with personal pronouns from the very beginning of the essays such as i, we, etc... (it seems awkward).
plenty of grammar mistakes are found. So, I suggest you to enroll in a coaching center where grammar is being taught.
3) when you start writing in style it will be easier for us to guide you through further mistakes in writing.

[saqibali]

If you kindly send me this in word file, I will edit it properly with excellent formatting.I will do this in my earliest free time.