Evaluate,Topic:Financial Education should be a mandatory com

[kumar446]

Please evaluate my essay.Thanks for your time.

Essay Topic:
Financial Education should be a mandatory component of school program; to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

Financial management is one of the most important sectors to be considered. Every individual should be taught with the core values of finances. Each nation’s financial budget or family’s financial budget depends on how well we organize and distribute it. I believe managing finances is possible only if we are taught at right age, so that we can make a habit of implementing in our day to day life.

Firstly, if you consider subjects of any school program, you find both mathematics and science being taught right from the childhood. I feel that is one of the major drawback in South India, where you find more number of science graduates where as compared to commerce or arts. We might not use the theoretical knowledge of both math and science in our daily life, but where as managing finances is very much needed from teenage. Any industry can sustain market, only if they manage their finances well. Say for example if company has gained high profits and if they have failed in diverting their money into proper resources, then for sure that company will not see any profits in future.

Secondly, the government should think about making changes in the syllabus. Financial studies can be incorporated in to subjects like social studies. Any subject relating to Finances are taught only after we finish our school studies. Learning such interesting subjects will help us to face the situations properly. For example, every 5 years we see recession in the financial market, these things were never taught to us while we are at schools. Different sectors are badly hit, when there is recession in any country. Banking, IT industry, Construction or any field you take there will a major drop in outsourcing employees. Unless we are taught we will never cope up with situation.

Finally, I agree that financial education should be taught at school level. It helps in shaping our future, finances, nation and our every aspect in a proper way. Consider a situation where there is no warning about some disaster and we see huge loses both in term’s of lives and property. In the same way if were taught about the calamities of finances right from childhood, then definitely everyone will mould their finances in a proper way.

Thanks,
Kumar

[bunni015]

Please evaluate my essay.Thanks for your time.

Essay Topic:
Financial Education should be a mandatory component of school program; to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

[I feel like the sentence is incomplete, may be the reason could be who should consider]Financial management is one of the most important sectors to be considered.[Nowadays, the study of Financial Management is the key to be successful in life.] Every individual should be taught with the core values of finances. Each nation’s financial budget or family’s financial budget depends on how well we organize and distribute it. I believe managing finances is possible only if we are taught at right age, so that we can make a habit of implementing in our day to day life.

Firstly, if you consider subjects of any school program, you find both mathematics and science being taught right from the childhood. I feel that is one of the major drawback in South India, where you find more number of science graduates where as compared to commerce or arts. We might not use the theoretical knowledge of both math and science in our daily life, but where as managing finances is very much needed from teenage. Any industry can sustain market, only if they manage their finances well. Say for example if company has gained high profits and if they have failed in diverting their money into proper resources, then for sure that company will not see any profits in future.

Secondly, the government should think about making changes in the syllabus. Financial studies can be incorporated in to subjects like social studies. Any subject relating to Finances are taught only after we finish our school studies. Learning such interesting subjects will help us to face the situations properly. For example, every 5 years we see recession in the financial market, these things were never taught to us while we are at schools. Different sectors are badly hit, when there is recession in any country. Banking, IT industry, Construction or any field you take there will a major drop in outsourcing employees. Unless we are taught we will never cope up with situation.

Finally, I agree that financial education should be taught at school level. It helps in shaping our future, finances, nation and our every aspect in a proper way. Consider a situation where there is no warning about some disaster and we see huge loses both in term’s of lives and property. In the same way if were taught about the calamities of finances right from childhood, then definitely everyone will mould their finances in a proper way.

Thanks,
Kumar

Nowadays, a good hold on ‘Financial Management’ is considered as the key factor for successful life. Although it is hard, to understand the entire subject; however, every individual should be informed about its core principles. These principles could be in terms of either nation’s or family’s budget; how well they are utilized for building economic stability. It is believed that money management must be instilled at right age; as a result, becomes a chore.

The current education system must reform their learning methods and should initiate teaching the basics of subject to pupils. For instance, predominantly in South India, students choose the field of science rather than commerce or arts. However,applications of money dominate the science application in daily life of every teenager. As a result, the adolescent should have enough idea to handle the transactions. Hence it is apparent that schools and teachers must encourage the study of economics to have a better generation and society.


The above are the two paragraphs which I tried to rephrase them. The total length of two paragraphs is 157 but your second paragraph itself is around 120. I think you should work on vocabulary. Following, 'run on sentences' for example look at this

I believe managing finances is possible only if we are taught at right age, so that we can make a habit of implementing in our day to day life.
It could be in this way
I believe managing finances is possible only if we are taught at right age. As a result/Eventually, it turns out to be a daily habit

So, grammar is the next area to work . Hmmmm..... I am not sure about punctuation so I can't comment on it. I found more simple and compound sentences are dominating the writing. So groom yourself. Rating! I am not eligible to do that.... practice and keep posting.

Regards,
Bunni