Please assess my General Writing Task 2.

[vikasggn]

Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children

Television has come a long way in last 1 decade with the emergence of Cable TV and has provided unlimited entertainment options to every age group. Latest movies, kids and adult entertainment shows, history and geography shows, fashion, fiction, current affairs, business news and sports, you can find just anything and everything on TV. With this huge variety, TV viewing has also increased over the last decade with housewives and kids hooking up to the television for most of their day.
There can be some advantages of TV viewing, as long viewers are making a judicious use of this lovely device. Current affairs, documentaries, business programmes, news channels certainly help the kids to understand the latest happening in the world and enhance their knowledge of surroundings. This helps them to be up to date which can assist in their academics. History and Geography shows on channels like Discovery and National Geographic also assist children to effectively understand the ecosystem of past and present. Technological trends, latest gadgets helps the children to stay abreast with the industry and help them enhance their knowledge in that area.

As they say, excess of everything is bad and there’s flip side of the coin as well. Countering the advantages of TV watching, are the ill effects of excessive watching of TV. With the quantity of shows increasing and quality going down, violent, crime based and adult oriented shows are also increasing. Watching them consistently diverts the mind of children towards bad habits and unlawful activities and cases of juvenile delinquency have started increasing manifold in developing countries like India. Children are more involved to follow their favorite characters while putting bad habits of drinking and smoking and getting distracted from their studies and family values. Continuous TV watching has also got lot of health issues like strained eyes and stressed body, since the focus never moves away to engage in some physical activities.

In my view, TV watching is good as long as we are staying in limits and do not compromise against other important aspects of life. Children must be restricted through some parental controls so that they only watch relevant shows which can help them to enhance their knowledge and skills. Parents should also restrain control on TV watching so that they act as a role model for the children.

[greg]

Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children

Television has come a long way in last 1 decade with the emergence of Cable TV and has provided unlimited entertainment options to every age group. Latest movies, kids and adult entertainment shows, history and geography shows, fashion, fiction, current affairs, business news and sports, you can find just anything and everything on TV. With this huge variety, TV viewing has also increased over the last decade with housewives and kids hooking up to the television for most of their day.
There can be some advantages of TV viewing, as long viewers are making a judicious use of this lovely device. Current affairs, documentaries, business programmes, news channels certainly help the kids to understand the latest happening in the world and enhance their knowledge of surroundings. This helps them to be up to date which can assist in their academics. History and Geography shows on channels like Discovery and National Geographic also assist children to effectively understand the ecosystem of past and present. Technological trends, latest gadgets helps the children to stay abreast with the industry and help them enhance their knowledge in that area.

As they say, excess of everything is bad and there’s flip side of the coin as well. Countering the advantages of TV watching, are the ill effects of excessive watching of TV. With the quantity of shows increasing and quality going down, violent, crime based and adult oriented shows are also increasing. Watching them consistently diverts the mind of children towards bad habits and unlawful activities and cases of juvenile delinquency have started increasing manifold in developing countries like India. Children are more involved to follow their favorite characters while putting bad habits of drinking and smoking and getting distracted from their studies and family values. Continuous TV watching has also got lot of health issues like strained eyes and stressed body, since the focus never moves away to engage in some physical activities.

In my view, TV watching is good as long as we are staying in limits and do not compromise against other important aspects of life. Children must be restricted through some parental controls so that they only watch relevant shows which can help them to enhance their knowledge and skills. Parents should also restrain control on TV watching so that they act as a role model for the children.

Hi,

For my opinion your sentences are too long. Try to break them to shorted sentences and add more commas. You have also some grammatical mistakes and used some idioms incorrectly (E.g. ".. there's flip side of the coin as well").

I would evaluate it as 5-6 (My non-professional view)

Try to rearrange, and post here again.

Good luck!
- Greg

[vikasggn]

Thanks for the feedback Greg. Will post again.

[vikasggn]

Hi Greg

Can you assess below?


Television has come a long way in last one decade with the emergence of Cable TV providing unlimited entertainment options to everyone in the family. Children and adult entertainment shows, TV shopping, news and movie channels and sports channels, you can find just anything and everything on Television. Because of this variety, Television viewing has increased manifold in past few years.

Television viewing, especially of News Channels, has some positive effects enabling kids with knowledge and awareness of their surroundings. Watching TV channels like Discovery or National Geographic can help them understand their environment and ecosystem in a better way. Watching sports channels can keep them motivated and health focused. Shows around technology and gadgets can help them to stay abreast with the latest industry trends. Hence, the knowledge and awareness acquired via TV, can help children in many ways with positive impacts on their personal life and academics.

Countering the advantages of Television watching are the ill effects of excessive watching. With the quantity of shows increasing, the quality has certainly gone down. Violent, action and crime based thrillers and adult oriented shows have increased and are accessible to everyone. Children watching these shows and following their favorite characters, indulge into bad habits like smoking and drinking in early ages and distract from their studies. Participation in unlawful activities like kidnapping, rape and murders follow in some cases. Health issues like eyesight, hypertension and stressed body starts much earlier in some kids.

Conclusively, TV watching is good as long as we are staying in limits and do not compromise against other important aspects of life. Children must be restricted through some parental controls to watch limited television and selected channels only. Parents should also restrain control so that they can act as a role model for the kids.

Regards
Vikas

[argho1985]

Hi Greg

Can you assess below?


Television has come a long way in last one decade with the emergence of Cable TV providing unlimited entertainment options to everyone in the family. Children and adult entertainment shows, TV shopping, news and movie channels and sports channels, you can find just anything and everything on Television. Because of this variety, Television viewing has increased manifold in past few years.

Television viewing, especially of News Channels, has some positive effects enabling kids with knowledge and awareness of their surroundings. Watching TV channels like Discovery or National Geographic can help them understand their environment and ecosystem in a better way. Watching sports channels can keep them motivated and health focused. Shows around technology and gadgets can help them to stay abreast with the latest industry trends. Hence, the knowledge and awareness acquired via TV, can help children in many ways with positive impacts on their personal life and academics.

Countering the advantages of Television watching are the ill effects of excessive watching. With the quantity of shows increasing, the quality has certainly gone down. Violent, action and crime based thrillers and adult oriented shows have increased and are accessible to everyone. Children watching these shows and following their favorite characters, indulge into bad habits like smoking and drinking in early ages and distract from their studies. Participation in unlawful activities like kidnapping, rape and murders follow in some cases. Health issues like eyesight, hypertension and stressed body starts much earlier in some kids.

Conclusively, TV watching is good as long as we are staying in limits and do not compromise against other important aspects of life. Children must be restricted through some parental controls to watch limited television and selected channels only. Parents should also restrain control so that they can act as a role model for the kids.

Regards
Vikas

Hi Vikas,

Looked at your essay write up.

Comments according to your paragraphs:

Para 1: I reckon you started with an introduction with a long paraphrasing content.. I know its a advantage and disadvantage question.. but you missed on taking your stand. for example " The essay will put forth the benefits of television as a medium of entertainment for younger individuals"

Para 2: That is the supporting paragraphs where usage of linking words are rare.. You need to use linking words..repetition of words such as "watching" is also there. Think of some similar words ..

Para 3: According to me it sound fine..

Para 4: I think it is the conclusion: good conclusion , you managed to cover the main points.

So on the whole, try to work on your intro, and use linking words and write short sentences.. no matter the complex structure formation is good but sometimes the grammar goes yo yo..

Thanks
Argho

[vikasggn]

Thanks Argho. Will work it out.

Regards
Vikas

[saqibali]

I supposed, its an older post.
Do you still need to correct this essay?