Please access my band in General Writing Task2

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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rads
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Jul 19, 2014 5:25 am

Please access my band in General Writing Task2

Post by rads »

Topic:

International marketing is sometimes seen as invasive and an intrusion into the country in question. Others argue that it is a necessary and economical form of education in addition to spreading ideas, language and culture.

My Answer:

In this world of globalisation, International marketing is almost uncommon for many of the developing countries. It depends on individual perception whether to see it as an invasion or to take it as a catalyst for spreading ideas, language, culture and as a form of education for economic development. I agree that International marketing is necessary for development across various aspects of a country by analyzing two main ideas. Firstly, it encourages inner talent in the country. Secondly, it brings diversity of cultures across the globe.

Above all, International marketing helps in bringing awareness of technology and innovations across the world. This helps in stimulating inherent skills of individuals and thereby applying their knowledge in discovering new things. For example, there is increasing demand for electronic devices iPad and tablets in almost all the countries. This has stimulated an idea among youngsters to develop a tablet at a reasonable cost so that even a student can afford it, and today tablets for students are available at a lower cost. Thus, it is clear that marketing of international products has thrown a light on younger generation of country in question.

Secondly, it also helps in knowing various cultures, languages across the world. In today's world, people are moving across the continents to study, work and visit other countries. In these kind of situations, a person feels at ease in a foreign country only when he has some knowledge of their language or culture which can help him adapt to it quickly. For example, I had to travel Japan on a business requirement. It was quite easy for me to get acquainted to their work culture as I was very much aware of the working lifestyle and also their language. This was only possible due to various Japanese sites on the web. Therefore, it can be seen that international marketing creates awareness of various cultures and languages.

It can be concluded that International marketing is quite necessary for spreading knowledge, language and culture and as an economical form of education.
argho1985
Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 4:31 am

Re: Please access my band in General Writing Task2

Post by argho1985 »

rads wrote:Topic:

International marketing is sometimes seen as invasive and an intrusion into the country in question. Others argue that it is a necessary and economical form of education in addition to spreading ideas, language and culture.

My Answer:

In this world of globalisation, International marketing is almost uncommon for many of the developing countries. It depends on individual perception whether to see it as an invasion or to take it as a catalyst for spreading ideas, language, culture and as a form of education for economic development. I agree that International marketing is necessary for development across various aspects of a country by analyzing two main ideas. Firstly, it encourages inner talent in the country. Secondly, it brings diversity of cultures across the globe.

Above all, International marketing helps in bringing awareness of technology and innovations across the world. This helps in stimulating inherent skills of individuals and thereby applying their knowledge in discovering new things. For example, there is increasing demand for electronic devices iPad and tablets in almost all the countries. This has stimulated an idea among youngsters to develop a tablet at a reasonable cost so that even a student can afford it, and today tablets for students are available at a lower cost. Thus, it is clear that marketing of international products has thrown a light on younger generation of country in question.

Secondly, it also helps in knowing various cultures, languages across the world. In today's world, people are moving across the continents to study, work and visit other countries. In these kind of situations, a person feels at ease in a foreign country only when he has some knowledge of their language or culture which can help him adapt to it quickly. For example, I had to travel Japan on a business requirement. It was quite easy for me to get acquainted to their work culture as I was very much aware of the working lifestyle and also their language. This was only possible due to various Japanese sites on the web. Therefore, it can be seen that international marketing creates awareness of various cultures and languages.

It can be concluded that International marketing is quite necessary for spreading knowledge, language and culture and as an economical form of education.

Hi,

The intro sounds fine to me as you took a stand and gave the reason .. However beginning of second paragraph instead of "Above all" you could have considered "To begin with" because when i was reading , I thought now you are giving explanation of one of reason as mentioned in the intro. Furthermore, in the second para instead of writing Secondly , you could have considered Also, Additionally etc so as to remain in the flow of the essay tone.

Lastly, conclusion sound a bit half done, if you think that international marketing is quite necessary then you should comment on some recommendation which the government can adopt for the future . To me , the above stated conclusion is a repeat of words in the topic. In IELTS if you repeat words, they wont be counted..

Hope you understand.

Thanks
Argho
rads
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Jul 19, 2014 5:25 am

Re: Please access my band in General Writing Task2

Post by rads »

Thanks for your comments. I will try to correct these mistakes.
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Flick
Grammar Checker
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Posts: 1466
Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:06 pm

Re: Please access my band in General Writing Task2

Post by Flick »

rads wrote:Topic:

International marketing is sometimes seen as invasive and an intrusion into the country in question. Others argue that it is a necessary and economical form of education in addition to spreading ideas, language and culture.

My Answer:

In this world of globalisation, international marketing is almost unknown for many of the developing countries. It depends on individual perception whether to see it as an invasion or to take it as a catalyst for spreading ideas, language, culture and as a form of education for economic development. I agree that international marketing is necessary for development across various aspects of a country by analyzing two main ideas. Firstly, it encourages inner talent in the country. Secondly, it brings diversity of cultures across the globe.

Above all, international marketing helps in bringing awareness of technology and innovations across the world. This helps in stimulating the inherent skills of individuals and thereby encouraging them to apply their knowledge to discovering new things. For example, there is increasing demand for electronic devices like iPads and tablets in almost every country. This has led to the development of a reasonable priced tablet that even a student can afford it, and today tablets for students are available at a lower cost with more features.. Thus, it is clear that international marketing is an effective way of further developing technology.

Secondly, it also fosters understanding of various cultures and languages across the world. In today's world, people are moving across the continents to study, work and visit other countries. In these situations, a person feels at ease in a foreign country only when he has some knowledge of their language or culture which can help him adapt to it quickly. For example, I had to travel to Japan on a business trip. It was quite easy for me to get acquainted to their work culture as I was very much aware of the working lifestyle and their language. This was only possible due to various Japanese sites on the web. Therefore, it can be seen that international marketing creates awareness of various cultures and languages.

It can be concluded that international marketing is quite necessary for spreading knowledge, language and culture and as an economical form of education.
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