Please assess my general training writing task 2

[jerone]

Many people like to wear fashionable clothes
Why do you think this is the case?
Is this good thing or bad thing?


Lots of individual nowadays, are keen on going with the flow, most especially in the new
trend of stylish design in apparel clothing. This has been obvious with the people living
in the rural area. A city lifestyle is required to be up to date in fashion trend, plus those
billboard advertising which can be seen all over the metro has a tremendous impact in
attracting customers.There are pro's and con when it comes to be always inline in terms of
wearing signature clothes.

A typical working person living in the city need a decent clothes to wear everyday. This is
the standard norms especially to the people in the corporate world. In addition to that,
a hardworking person with presentable attire is very pleasing in the eyes of the boss. Thus,
being in line with trendy clothes show how we represent ourselves with other people.

On the other hand, marketing companies using known personalities to endorse their product is quite
effective in their strategy. This is can be seen with most of the people buying and wearing their
stuff even if the cost is very pricey. Furthermore, people tend to max out their credit
card just to buy the things they saw from the advertisement. Hence, this will lead them being
drown to debt because of uncontrolled spending.

In accommodating the current trend in the fashion industry it is a temptation that hard to resist.
However, this might create a great havoc in a person financial life, not knowing how to control
our spending habit. It is expected that fashion industry will continue to grow but let's keep in mind
that there are more important things to spend our money rather than buying signature clothes.


NB: Your constructive criticism will be of much help for me to make a better essay in my coming exam.

[argho1985]

Many people like to wear fashionable clothes
Why do you think this is the case?
Is this good thing or bad thing?


Lots of individual nowadays, are keen on going with the flow, most especially in the new
trend of stylish design in apparel clothing. This has been obvious with the people living
in the rural area. A city lifestyle is required to be up to date in fashion trend, plus those
billboard advertising which can be seen all over the metro has a tremendous impact in
attracting customers.There are pro's and con when it comes to be always inline in terms of
wearing signature clothes.

A typical working person living in the city need a decent clothes to wear everyday. This is
the standard norms especially to the people in the corporate world. In addition to that,
a hardworking person with presentable attire is very pleasing in the eyes of the boss. Thus,
being in line with trendy clothes show how we represent ourselves with other people.

On the other hand, marketing companies using known personalities to endorse their product is quite
effective in their strategy. This is can be seen with most of the people buying and wearing their
stuff even if the cost is very pricey. Furthermore, people tend to max out their credit
card just to buy the things they saw from the advertisement. Hence, this will lead them being
drown to debt because of uncontrolled spending.

In accommodating the current trend in the fashion industry it is a temptation that hard to resist.
However, this might create a great havoc in a person financial life, not knowing how to control
our spending habit. It is expected that fashion industry will continue to grow but let's keep in mind
that there are more important things to spend our money rather than buying signature clothes.


NB: Your constructive criticism will be of much help for me to make a better essay in my coming exam.

Hi,

Comments regarding your essay

First para: I hope this is the introduction of the essay , however first three lines sound off topic to me. question ask that "Many people like to wear fashionable clothes".. You started by saying that people in rural areas are keen on changing their lifestyle.. you need to start with a generalise statement saying that " Nowadays, there has been an increasing trend in clothes possession. Many view that , this behaviour has even attracted people living in rural areas. However other argue by saying that certain behavioural characteristics contribute to this inherent feeling which lead to positive and negative result. The essay will evaluate the effectiveness of the given statement and will end in a conclusion."

Second para: I reckon you focusing on one element which is inner satisfaction..People wear different clothes so as to get themselves align with the current market trend. Also, new possessions reflect a individual's confidence level ..

Third para: you can reword it by giving the negative side.. Although the para reads ok..but sometime you don't know what examiner wants..

Conclusion: use some linking word like In conclusion, to sum up..

Hope you understand what I wrote.

Thanks
Argho

[jerone]

Hi Argho,

Thanks for your very informative comment.

Regards,
Jerone

[Flick]

Many people like to wear fashionable clothes
Why do you think this is the case?
Is this good thing or bad thing?


Lots of individual nowadays are keen on going with the flow, most especially when it comes to clothing. This has been obvious with the people living in the rural area.(<-- I'm confused. Rural areas are in the country. Urban areas are in the city. Do you mean 'This is especially obvious in urban areas.'?) A city lifestyle is required to be up to date in fashion trend, plus billboard advertising, which can be seen all over the metro, has a tremendous impact on infuencing customers. There are pros and cons when it comes to always having the trendiest clothes.

A typical person living in the city needs decent clothes to wear everyday. This is the norm, especially for people in the corporate world. In addition to that, a hardworking person with presentable attire is very pleasing in the eyes of the boss. Thus, wearing trendy clothes shows how we value ourselves to other people.

On the other hand, marketing companies using known personalities to endorse their product is quite an effective strategy. This strategy is deemed successful when many people buy and wear their clothes even if the cost is very pricey. Furthermore, people tend to max out their credit card just to buy the things they saw in an advertisement. Hence, this will lead them to drown in debt because of uncontrolled spending.

In accommodating the current trend in the fashion industry it is a temptation that is hard to resist. However, this might create great havoc in a person's financial life, not knowing how to control the spending habit. It is expected that the fashion industry will continue to grow but let's keep in mind that there are more important things to spend our money on rather than buying signature clothes.