Is it at least worth for a grade 6?

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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madjokr
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2014 1:19 pm

Is it at least worth for a grade 6?

Post by madjokr »

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
The rapid development in the technology made computers cheaper and accessible to every corner of the world. This advancement paved a way for its usage in all the fields from farming, medicals to flying. This growth also created a great dependency on them. There are more advantages than egregious impact on computers. 

 Using computers in certain fields helps in automating the tasks. This make life more convenient and easier. One of the good examples can be booking tickets online through computers for an events is far more easier compared to standing in queue. Due to these advantages, people are more inclined towards technology.

Ubiquitous smartphones and cheaper internet plans made life far more simpler than it used to be. The future of computers usage is unstoppable. Big corporations betting lots of money on newer technologies. As a result of huge investments, Google — A technology company, started prototyping driverless cars. 

On other hand, people are becoming more addicted to the technology. In modern world, the power of computers are seen in small phones. People spend more time of smartphones compared to human interactions. Relying heavily on these computers will make people forget their basics. They use calculators and phones for doing a basic mathematical addition.

Though the computers usage made life more simpler, it certainly has bad impacts. People should understand negative impacts of computers and should try to reduce their reliance. A balanced usage of the computers will help us to lead a remarkable life.
argho1985
Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 4:31 am

Re: Is it at least worth for a grade 6?

Post by argho1985 »

madjokr wrote:We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
The rapid development in the technology made computers cheaper and accessible to every corner of the world. This advancement paved a way for its usage in all the fields from farming, medicals to flying. This growth also created a great dependency on them. There are more advantages than egregious impact on computers. 

 Using computers in certain fields helps in automating the tasks. This make life more convenient and easier. One of the good examples can be booking tickets online through computers for an events is far more easier compared to standing in queue. Due to these advantages, people are more inclined towards technology.

Ubiquitous smartphones and cheaper internet plans made life far more simpler than it used to be. The future of computers usage is unstoppable. Big corporations betting lots of money on newer technologies. As a result of huge investments, Google — A technology company, started prototyping driverless cars. 

On other hand, people are becoming more addicted to the technology. In modern world, the power of computers are seen in small phones. People spend more time of smartphones compared to human interactions. Relying heavily on these computers will make people forget their basics. They use calculators and phones for doing a basic mathematical addition.

Though the computers usage made life more simpler, it certainly has bad impacts. People should understand negative impacts of computers and should try to reduce their reliance. A balanced usage of the computers will help us to lead a remarkable life.
Hi,

I have a look on your essay and there are many places where subject verb agreement is not proper.. for example "The rapid development in the technology made computers cheaper and accessible to every corner of the world" should be "The rapid development in the technology has made computers cheaper and accessible to every corner of the world"..

When you are explaining the two sides " advantages and disadvantages" you have to start One one hand to start the advantages and then on the other hand not " on other hand" to explain the disadvantages.

have a look through again.

Argho
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