Need your editation for my essay

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Hi all,
Please edit this essay for me. I hope it will have an improvement comparing to my first essay. In addition, I must say that it is more difficult writing on the paper than typing in the computer. Thanks.

Task 2 topic: More and more people move from areas where they grew up to find jobs. Does this development have advantages and disadvantages? ( this is essay from our forum)

Choosing a suitable career is the most critical decisions in the life. Nowadays, there are many people developing their jobs in the outside location rather than at their hometown. This could lead to particular positive and negative changes of their lives. This essay will discuss both sides of view from this trend.

First advantage of working outside is that the external environment creates more opportunities to attract workers. This could be higher positions or better salaries. Every year, companies like Google and Microsoft have offered extremely large profits for potential candidatures in the recruitment. Therefore, many engineers around the world applied for the job. In addition, many people choose to work outside because of their family benefits. The new life can be valuable for their child’s education and the new employment position is particularly suitable for them than the job at their hometown.

In contrast, there are critical disadvantages for the people who work outside their home area. Firstly, people with a language problem are unlikely communicated with the society. Their life is isolated with external sociality and hard to adapt with the variety of cultures. Therefore, they may serious be affected by the homesick and the isolated issue. Furthermore, the language problem creates a difficulty for working with staffs in the company. Thus, it may separate their work with other people and will be result in negative effects to the successes of the job. Even, many regions which do not accept the outside workers are due to the limitation of languages.

In conclusion, developing the work outside the home town has always faced two sides. It could be right or wrong choices depending on the certain life of each person and family.

(283 words)

[Flick]

Task 2 topic: More and more people move from areas where they grew up to find jobs. Does this development have advantages and disadvantages?

Choosing a suitable career is one of the most critical decisions in life. Nowadays, there are many people developing their jobs in the outside location rather than at their hometown. (<-- Reword to: Nowadays, many people are choosing to find work in areas away from their hometown.) This could lead to both positive and negative changes in their lives. This essay will discuss both sides of view of this trend.

Firstly, the advantages of working somewhere other than one's hometown is that the external environment creates more opportunities to attract workers. This could be higher positions or better salaries. Every year, companies like Google and Microsoft offer extremely good benefits for potential employees. Therefore, many engineers around the world apply for the jobs. In addition, many people choose to work in other areas because of the family benefits. A new life can be valuable for their child’s education and the new employment position may be better for them than a job in their hometown.

In contrast, there are critical disadvantages for the people who work outside their home area. Firstly, people with a language problem are unlikely communicated with the society. (<-- Reword to: Firstly, language barriers can make it difficult to communicate.) Their life is isolated with external sociality and hard to adapt with the variety of cultures. (<-- Reword to: If the person cannot speak the language, they may feel isolated and struggle to adapt to a new culture.) Therefore, they may serious be affected by the homesick and the isolated issue. (<-- Reword to: Therefore, they may become homesick and lonely or depressed.) Furthermore, the language problem creates a difficulty in working with staff in the company. Thus, it may separate their work with other people and will result in negative effects on their success. Moreover, many regions will not accept outside workers due to the limitation of language.

In conclusion, looking for work outside one's hometown has both advantages and disadvantages. It could be the right or wrong choice depending on the life of each person.