Nowadays doctors can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities such as plastic surgery or looking after rich patients and concentrate more on patients health, no matter how rich they are?
A doctor saves our life, helps us heal and get relief from the pains and therefore conventionally we associate the doctor with the God. We see qualities of a god in doctors. We expect the doctors to be service oriented and should not pursue profits in their professional practice. This is an idealist view, however and we cannot expect it to be in reality all the time.
It is not agreed that doctors should not engage into profitable medical practices, and should focus entirely on patients’ health, irrespective of patients’ affordability to pay. My disagreement comes mainly from two reasons. One, medical practice is a profession. It takes great deal of studies, hard work, experience and critical judgement to practice medicine. It is a chosen career and therefore a doctor has right to follow profitable medical activities – provided they are professional and ethical. Second, it is individual passion to pursue certain speciality in medicine, and therefore we cannot expect doctors not to go for high-end medical expertise and mostly practice the primary health care. It is a professional freedom of doctors to choose their specialty, and we must respect it. Similarly, it is choice of doctors to select patients from a specific or non-specific socio economic class.
I agree, that our country needs more number of service oriented doctors who serve the needy and poor communities. Having said, that it is also true that it is primary responsibility of the government to create and maintain economic health care services to all. We cannot displace this responsibility upon the doctors to provide inexpensive treatments to poor. There are still many doctors in our society who serve equally and however charge nominal fees from the poor patients. My family doctor is one of them, because he has chosen to be so. Let’s leave it to the individual professional choices of practitioners.
In summary, society needs both primary and speciality health care service providers. The government should set up more free and inexpensive health services for all and for poor in particularly. It is recommended to introduce social psychology as an important subject in medical education, and above all let the doctors decide their professional practices.
Task 2 attempt. Argument Essay
Re: Task 2 attempt. Argument Essay
Hi , I heard that your target is band 8, so I am bit interested to look at your essay. Lets have a look at your work..
A doctor saves our life, helps us to heal and get relief from the pains, and therefore conventionally we associate the doctor with the God. We see the qualities of a god over-exaggerated in doctors. We expect the doctors to be service oriented and should not pursue may not be a suitable word, you couls have used ( profit-oriented) profits in their professional practice. This is an idealist view, however no 'and' clause next to transition wordwe cannot expect this in reality.
It is disagreed that doctors should not engage in profitable medical practices, and should focus entirely on patients’ health, irrespective of patients’ affordability to pay; not a good wording . My disagreement again your opinion, you said in the very first three words, avoid repeating sentences with same meaning comes mainly from two reasons. For one, medical practice is a profession. It takes a great deal of studies, hard work, experience and critical judgement to practice medicine. It is a chosen career, and therefore, a doctor has right to follow profitable medical activities – provided they are professional and ethical. Secondly, it is individual passion to pursue a certain specialty in medicine, and therefore we cannot expect doctors not to go for high-end medical expertise and mostly practice the primary health care. It is a professional freedom of doctors to choose their specialty, and we must respect it. Similarly, it is the choice of doctors to select patients from a specific or non-specific socioeconomic class.
I agree no comma that our country needs more number of service oriented doctors who serve the needy and poor communities. Besides this, it is also true that the primary responsibility of the government is to create and maintain economic health care services to all. We cannot displace this responsibility upon the doctors to provide inexpensive treatments to poor. There are still many doctors in our society who serve equally and however, charge nominal fees from the poor patients. My family doctor is one of them, because he has chosen to be so. Let’s leave it to the individual professional choices of practitioners.
In summary, society needs both primary and specialty health care service providers. The government should set up more free and inexpensive health services for all and for poor in particular. It is recommended to introduce social psychology ? as an important subject in medical education, and above all let the doctors decide their professional practices.
you task achievement is good...but some sentences are awkward; meaning is unclear; also some grammar issues as well, does impede communication;
overall you need to work on grammar, word choice and learn how to make meaningful sentences without using complex language, it does mean that use complex sentence but with more clarity.
ex:
Many believe that children, who are immature, lack idea of adult education.
Above is a very good complex pattern, used clause 'that' and relative clause ' who', but only 12 words. My idea is don't go more than 20 words for one sentence, also use maximum of 2 clauses per sentence;
basically use short , concise and succinct...to score high..
you wrote around 360 words, which I think is too much, I stick with 280 words max, so we can avoid mistakes and time to check as well.
above essay would go up to band 6.5 ( I am not an assessor)
A doctor saves our life, helps us to heal and get relief from the pains, and therefore conventionally we associate the doctor with the God. We see the qualities of a god over-exaggerated in doctors. We expect the doctors to be service oriented and should not pursue may not be a suitable word, you couls have used ( profit-oriented) profits in their professional practice. This is an idealist view, however no 'and' clause next to transition wordwe cannot expect this in reality.
It is disagreed that doctors should not engage in profitable medical practices, and should focus entirely on patients’ health, irrespective of patients’ affordability to pay; not a good wording . My disagreement again your opinion, you said in the very first three words, avoid repeating sentences with same meaning comes mainly from two reasons. For one, medical practice is a profession. It takes a great deal of studies, hard work, experience and critical judgement to practice medicine. It is a chosen career, and therefore, a doctor has right to follow profitable medical activities – provided they are professional and ethical. Secondly, it is individual passion to pursue a certain specialty in medicine, and therefore we cannot expect doctors not to go for high-end medical expertise and mostly practice the primary health care. It is a professional freedom of doctors to choose their specialty, and we must respect it. Similarly, it is the choice of doctors to select patients from a specific or non-specific socioeconomic class.
I agree no comma that our country needs more number of service oriented doctors who serve the needy and poor communities. Besides this, it is also true that the primary responsibility of the government is to create and maintain economic health care services to all. We cannot displace this responsibility upon the doctors to provide inexpensive treatments to poor. There are still many doctors in our society who serve equally and however, charge nominal fees from the poor patients. My family doctor is one of them, because he has chosen to be so. Let’s leave it to the individual professional choices of practitioners.
In summary, society needs both primary and specialty health care service providers. The government should set up more free and inexpensive health services for all and for poor in particular. It is recommended to introduce social psychology ? as an important subject in medical education, and above all let the doctors decide their professional practices.
you task achievement is good...but some sentences are awkward; meaning is unclear; also some grammar issues as well, does impede communication;
overall you need to work on grammar, word choice and learn how to make meaningful sentences without using complex language, it does mean that use complex sentence but with more clarity.
ex:
Many believe that children, who are immature, lack idea of adult education.
Above is a very good complex pattern, used clause 'that' and relative clause ' who', but only 12 words. My idea is don't go more than 20 words for one sentence, also use maximum of 2 clauses per sentence;
basically use short , concise and succinct...to score high..
you wrote around 360 words, which I think is too much, I stick with 280 words max, so we can avoid mistakes and time to check as well.
above essay would go up to band 6.5 ( I am not an assessor)
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
Re: Task 2 attempt. Argument Essay
@ durai - Excellent! Thank you so much for your candid evaluation. I have taken notes and have begun to work on the points. I am going to appear on 2nd Aug and have ample time to correct my mistakes. Thanks again!
Re: Task 2 attempt. Argument Essay
We are in health care services for more than 10 years. Our first priority is patient health and all our doctors having the same moto to serve their best to each and every patient. We at Sanzie Health care provides Alzheimer's senior care in Georgia. Find personal home care, senior & elder care services and much more.
-
deannablakeney34
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Thu Feb 19, 2015 9:29 am
Re: Task 2 attempt. Argument Essay
Ensure each point is given a new paragraph.Use words or phrases at the start of each paragraph that will indicate to the reader how it relates to the previous paragraph.there are more way to write the essay.students can write the general topic for subject related if you want more information to see the essay writing service review it will give us the best choice of writing service.