Essay part 2 - Writing test

[gkm90]

I would like a review in the essay below.

Thanks in advance.
Gustavo

TOPIC: Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. -- To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

For many centuries, sports events has been an outstanding way to gather around people from all over the world to enjoy the games. Nowadays, Football World Cup as well as many other international sports tournaments has a noticeable role, decreasing the worldwide conflicts and also filling everyone with good patriotic emotions. This essay will demonstrate the facts to sustain this thesis.

To begin with, having an international sport tournament drain all people attention through out the world, and consequently, reducing the focus in the internal and external conflicts. For example, when the football World Cup starts, some countries that are constantly fighting each other have a drastic reduction in the violence incidents. It happens because the government and media advertise the World Cup in order to claim everybody's attention to the event, hence, making everybody busy enough to don't have time to threat their enemies. Thus it is clear that sports events can be a great weapon against conflicts.

Furthermore, the advertisements that these competitions have increase significantly the patriotism in all the nations. For instance, in Brazil due to all the internal problems, a significant percentage of Brazilians are upset of living there, however, when it is the year of World Cup, the media advertises stimulate everyone to ignore the issues for a while, and support, with all heart, their team. Therefore, these kind of event can definitely increase the love and patriotic emotions of a country.

In conclusion, upon analysing these facts we can clearly see that sports events are very helpful to our planet, decreasing the conflicts and also improving the patriotism felling around the world, specially in the underdeveloped countries like Brazil.

[Flick]

TOPIC: Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. -- To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

For many centuries, sports events have been an outstanding way to gather people from all over the world to enjoy the games. Nowadays, the Football World Cup as well as many other international sports tournaments has a noticeable role in decreasing worldwide conflicts and also filling everyone with good, patriotic emotions. This essay will demonstrate the facts to sustain this thesis. (<-- Reword to: This essay will review how sports events help to ease international tensions.)

To begin with, having an international sports tournament draws the attention of people throughout the world, and consequently, reduces the focus on internal and external conflicts. For example, when the football World Cup starts, some countries that are constantly fighting each other experience a drastic reduction in violence. This happens because the government and media advertise the World Cup in order to claim everybody's attention, hence making everybodytoo busy or caught up in the hype to have time to threaten their enemies. Thus it is clear that sports events can be a great weapon against conflict.

Furthermore, the advertisements that these competitions have significantly increase the patriotism of all participating nations. For instance, in Brazil, due to all the internal problems, a significant percentage of Brazilians are upset about living there. However, when it is the year of the World Cup, the media advertisements stimulate everyone to ignore the issues for a while, and support, with all heart, their team. Therefore, these kinds of events can definitely increase the love and patriotic emotions of a country.

In conclusion, upon analysing these facts we can clearly see that sports events are very helpful to our planet in decreasing the conflicts and also improving patriotic feelings around the world, especially in the underdeveloped countries like Brazil.

[gkm90]

Outstanding!!!

Thank you Flick!