GT Letter ( please review the letter )

[Srushti]

You are planning a holiday in another country. Write a letter asking your friend to join you and explain
- Why are you taking a holiday?
- What is your holiday plan?
- Why would you like him/her to come?

Dear Jhon,

I hope you and your family are all well. It was pleasant time that we had spent last summer together. I am writing to let you know that, I am coming to Australia next month. I could release an important project successfully, due to this, the company has sponsored a holiday tour for me and my family.

I have planned to spend first three days in Sydney, where I would visit famous beaches, sightseeing and take a part in water adventure games. The last four days, I will be in Melbourne. There I would do tracking on wonderful "Wilson Hill" and visit amazing "Diana" zoo. I would also take feast of various authentic cuisine.

I am inviting you to join us in Melbourne, as there will be weekend. It would be very helpful to us, as you are familiar with Melbourne, also my little one's birthday comes during those days.

I am waiting for your reply.

Best Wishes,
Thomas

[Srushti]

Please review the letter and provide comments

[durai]

Dear Jhon,

I hope you and your family are well. It wasa pleasant time that we had spent last summer together. I am writing to let you know that I will go to Australia next month. I have completed an important project successfully, and they rewarded with a holiday pack for my family including me.

I have planned to spend first three days in Sydney, where I can visit famous beaches, sightseeing and take part in water adventure games be specific, because you go any place to do the above activities, don't generalise . The last four days, I will be in Melbourne. There I would do tracking on wonderful "Wilson Hill" and visit amazing "Diana" zoo. I have lived in Melbourne for 6 years, but didn't come across such zoo, it's interesting, anyway..you can make up a story I would also dine in at various authentic cuisines.

I am inviting you to join us in Melbourne, as it will be a weekend. It would be very helpful to us, as you are familiar with Melbourne, also my little one's birthday comes during those days.

I am waiting for your reply.

Best Wishes,
Thomas


a few grammar issues, verb form is always wrong
vocabulary could be used properly..
you answered bullet points but tone is not natural....
coherence lacks...

overall,l this could be improved further...