Please correct my essay. Topic: Natural talent vs training

[npr.ielts7]

Hello All,
Please evaluate my essay

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talent, for instance for sports or music n and other are not. However, it is sometime claimed that any child can be taught to become a good person or musician.

Discuss both these view and give your opinion.

Most people believe that people are born with natural talent to excel in Sports and Music. However, others are of the view that skill and techniques required to excel can be taught in a classroom. In this essay, both these views will be examined before a conclusion is reached.

On the one hand, most education systems are based on the belief that skills can be taught in school. Many sports academies are set up around the world to help groom budding sports persons. For example, the MRF pace academy has trained and produced many cricketers who later represented their countries. Thus, it can be seen that schools can teach aspiring sports persons required skill to become successful.

On the other hand, Majority of the greatest sports persons has made it to the top purely based on their natural talents, thought they might have attended sport school to hone their natural talent. For example, Mahender Singh Dhoni is considered the most unorthodox cricketer today. Yet, he has produced amazing results. He can turn any game single handedly pure on his talent and his thinking capabilities, which cannot be taught in a classroom. As this shows, people born with a special talent and skill will go on to become one of the greats.

After analysing, both points of views in support of a school to train people with required skills and people with natural talent, it is felt that persons with natural talent are often the most successful. It is recommended that people should find such talent and encourage them.


Word count : 258

[npr.ielts7]

Bump.....

Hello All,
Please evaluate my essay

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talent, for instance for sports or music n and other are not. However, it is sometime claimed that any child can be taught to become a good person or musician.

Discuss both these view and give your opinion.

Most people believe that people are born with natural talent to excel in Sports and Music. However, others are of the view that skill and techniques required to excel can be taught in a classroom. In this essay, both these views will be examined before a conclusion is reached.

On the one hand, most education systems are based on the belief that skills can be taught in school. Many sports academies are set up around the world to help groom budding sports persons. For example, the MRF pace academy has trained and produced many cricketers who later represented their countries. Thus, it can be seen that schools can teach aspiring sports persons required skill to become successful.

On the other hand, Majority of the greatest sports persons has made it to the top purely based on their natural talents, thought they might have attended sport school to hone their natural talent. For example, Mahender Singh Dhoni is considered the most unorthodox cricketer today. Yet, he has produced amazing results. He can turn any game single handedly pure on his talent and his thinking capabilities, which cannot be taught in a classroom. As this shows, people born with a special talent and skill will go on to become one of the greats.

After analysing, both points of views in support of a school to train people with required skills and people with natural talent, it is felt that persons with natural talent are often the most successful. It is recommended that people should find such talent and encourage them.


Word count : 258

[artha]

You have discussed both sides of the argument but as a reader I am not convinced why you are favouring natural talent over training. Why? Beacause your essay gives me the impression you find merit in both sides of the argument. However you chose one over the other without giving enough reasons for it...
I liked the structure of the essay and I think its a nice essay overall.

[npr.ielts7]

I thought, I should discuss both sides of the argument and give my opinion.

You have discussed both sides of the argument but as a reader I am not convinced why you are favouring natural talent over training. Why? Beacause your essay gives me the impression you find merit in both sides of the argument. However you chose one over the other without giving enough reasons for it...
I liked the structure of the essay and I think its a nice essay overall.

[npr.ielts7]

Hello ____,
Thank you for your feedback.

I don't think Ryan advises to write argument for a discussion essay.

Moreover, how can one write an argument essay when the question clear says to discuss both the views and then give your opinion?

[dream2oz]

Hello ____,
Thank you for your feedback.

I don't think Ryan advises to write argument for a discussion essay.

Moreover, how can one write an argument essay when the question clear says to discuss both the views and then give your opinion?

I agree with you npr.ielts7. Question clearly states to discuss both the views before giving opinion. You structured your essay very well. However, I see some repetition of words. I am not that good in checking grammar but noticed few things.

one example-:

"Most people believe that people (you wrote people twice which seems awkwardare born with natural talent to excel in Sports and Music".

Overall good effort!!

[npr.ielts7]

Yes, I agree with you. I need to repharse opening sentence and rework on the conclusion paragraph in this essay

Thank You,
Praneeth

I agree with you npr.ielts7. Question clearly states to discuss both the views before giving opinion. You structured your essay very well. However, I see some repetition of words. I am not that good in checking grammar but noticed few things.

one example-:

"Most people believe that people (you wrote people twice which seems awkwardare born with natural talent to excel in Sports and Music".

Overall good effort!!