Hi Everyone,
I wrote an argument essay for Gen Writing Task 2. Kindly give your comments, area of improvements and rate. Thanks!
Topic came from IELTS Ryan Youtube channel
Topic: The presence of technology in the classroom has become more and more apparent and offers students tremendous resources with which to supplement their education. Given time, technology will completely replace the traditional teacher in the classroom. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Essay: (290 words)
It is truly evident that the presence of advanced technology in the classroom and schools has become so advance that I would agree that in the near future, traditional teachers will be completely replace. With the fast growing technology such as internet and modern devices, all information is made available to the public.
Living in the modern world, internet has been a big part of every student’s life. Lessons and information taught by the teachers can be found the internet. From basic to advance school topics, internet made it simple for students. Books and researches from well-known authors can be acquired within few minutes from different websites. Video tutorials accompanied with samples and easy explanations are presented by the internet and students that require a review to a particular topic can just playback the presentation. And by that, internet is one of the major reasons why teachers can be replaced.
Moreover, computers and mobile devices are available to the students which help them study everywhere and anytime they want. Online courses are getting more popular in most school institutions as it will help students to continue their education in their preferred schedules. This type of classes does not require seeing a teacher and travelling to school. Study materials provided by the traditional teachers can be downloaded now from their school websites and store it to their computers and mobile devices and students can review the information. We can see how technology certainly made the education easier for students without a need of teachers.
Given the statements above, the internet and modern devices are key factors which give students the resources that will aid their education. With the advanced technology, it is possible that our traditional teachers will be totally replaced soon.
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General Writing Task 2 - Please comment and rate
Re: General Writing Task 2 - Please comment and rate
It is truly evident that the presence of advanced technology in the schools has become so advance why advance again? you already said advanced technology that I would agree that in the near future, traditional teachers will be completely replaced. With the fastest growing technology such as the internet remove 'and modern devices', all information is made available to the public.
Living in the modern world, internet has been a big part of every student’s life. Lessons and information information cannot be taught , wrong usage taught by the teachers can be found on the internet. From basic to advanced school topics, internet made it simpler for students. Books and researches from well-known authors can be acquired within a few minutes from different websites. Video tutorials there is no such thing like ' video tutorials' accompanied with samples and easy explanations are presented by the internet and students that require a review to a particular topic can just playback the presentation. And by that, internet is one of the major reasons why teachers can be replaced. you talked about internet and their usage to students, but why you think technology replaced by teacher, where is the example and explantion why it could be possible,
you could say something like below :
Firstly, technology will replace teachers because it would save valuable time for the students and teachers. This is because in online portal, with the advent of technology, professors are able to post their lectures for students to refer for any clarifications at any time. For example, when I studied at Latrobe University, there was Learning Management System where all lecture notes, model question papers, tutorials and assignment papers are uploaded for students, and we use whenever we need from the convenience of home, and thus took less time to access materials. If this is possible with the present technology, then in the future there is no doubt that computers will replace the teaching professionals in the classroom.
1 st sentence : reason why , because it could save time
2nd sentence: how, it is possible
3rd sentence: gave example of real life to support second sentence.
4th sentence: referring back to thesis and linked this argumnet by using pronoun ' this'
Moreover, computers and mobile devices are available to the students which help them study everywhere and anytime they want. Online courses are getting more popular in most school institutions as it will help students to continue their education in their preferred schedules. This type of classes does not require seeing a teacher and travelling to school. Study materials provided by the traditional teachers can be downloaded now from their school websites and store it to their computers and mobile devices and students can review the information. We can see how technology certainly made the education easier for students without a need of teachers. this paragraph is fine, because you have some relevant materials, but giving real life experience add more weight to the task response.
Given the statements above, the internet and modern devices are key factors which give students the resources that will aid their education. With the advanced technology, it is possible that our traditional teachers will be totally replaced soon.
looks band 5.5 to 6 ( I am not an assessor)
Living in the modern world, internet has been a big part of every student’s life. Lessons and information information cannot be taught , wrong usage taught by the teachers can be found on the internet. From basic to advanced school topics, internet made it simpler for students. Books and researches from well-known authors can be acquired within a few minutes from different websites. Video tutorials there is no such thing like ' video tutorials' accompanied with samples and easy explanations are presented by the internet and students that require a review to a particular topic can just playback the presentation. And by that, internet is one of the major reasons why teachers can be replaced. you talked about internet and their usage to students, but why you think technology replaced by teacher, where is the example and explantion why it could be possible,
you could say something like below :
Firstly, technology will replace teachers because it would save valuable time for the students and teachers. This is because in online portal, with the advent of technology, professors are able to post their lectures for students to refer for any clarifications at any time. For example, when I studied at Latrobe University, there was Learning Management System where all lecture notes, model question papers, tutorials and assignment papers are uploaded for students, and we use whenever we need from the convenience of home, and thus took less time to access materials. If this is possible with the present technology, then in the future there is no doubt that computers will replace the teaching professionals in the classroom.
1 st sentence : reason why , because it could save time
2nd sentence: how, it is possible
3rd sentence: gave example of real life to support second sentence.
4th sentence: referring back to thesis and linked this argumnet by using pronoun ' this'
Moreover, computers and mobile devices are available to the students which help them study everywhere and anytime they want. Online courses are getting more popular in most school institutions as it will help students to continue their education in their preferred schedules. This type of classes does not require seeing a teacher and travelling to school. Study materials provided by the traditional teachers can be downloaded now from their school websites and store it to their computers and mobile devices and students can review the information. We can see how technology certainly made the education easier for students without a need of teachers. this paragraph is fine, because you have some relevant materials, but giving real life experience add more weight to the task response.
Given the statements above, the internet and modern devices are key factors which give students the resources that will aid their education. With the advanced technology, it is possible that our traditional teachers will be totally replaced soon.
looks band 5.5 to 6 ( I am not an assessor)
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
Re: General Writing Task 2 - Please comment and rate
Your examples are ok, but it's not convincing, you need to convince the reader with more bolder and stronger arguments. Grammatical mistakes are there, what you need to do now is first correct the grammatical mistakes, then make better and stronger arguments and rewrite the essay.