Essay Practice Task 2 and related question

[mustafa.sariya]

Hi Ryan

First and foremost thank you for a wonderful resource for IELTS learning especially the video's of task 2 writing module. I am a new member here and intend to take my first exams on 7th June 2014.

For my writing exams, i am following your guideline on how to structure response for argumentative, discussion and cause & effect essay types but biggest hurdle for me are as follows -

Firstly, idea of writing a response doesn't strike early
Secondly, Cant limit myself to 300 words and generally goes around 340 words
Thirdly, Analyzing and deciding on type of essay to write especially if the essay doesn't mention the what to do i.e. support or refute or to discuss.

Can you suggest some tips to overcome these issues .

In regards to third point mention above, I was practicing essay writing and came across the following topic from past IELTS exams and i couldn't understand which type of response shall i provide as to "discussion essay" or "cause& effect" essay type. Some how managed it, but not sure if it is correct. Can you throw some light on the response below

News editors decide what to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers. What factors influence these decisions? Do we become used to bad news? Would it be better if more good news was reported?

News agency is socially responsible in providing good news to the audience at large and it is the editor who plays a pivotal role in reporting on television or newspaper, based on numerous factors that influences him. However, with commercialisation of news agency, the role of editors have diminished. It is the audience or management’s compulsion that drives the news today. This has resulted in substandard output thereby defeating the primary objectives of providing good news to the public

Presently, news agencies believe in catering to the audience interests. The current trend suggest that humans are attracted more towards the negative elements of the report since it creates anxiety and curiosity among them. For instance, highest television viewership/newspaper readership rating is awarded to reports that cover 70% of information with negative elements relating news of robbery, celebrity/public figure scandal, allegations by politician/celebrities, terrorist attacks etc. This clearly shows trend of negative information that audience needs today. Thus compelling the editor either meet up to the expectation of audience interest or run out of business of reporting.

Secondly, news agencies are no more independent body, they are financial obliged by the assistance of politician or public figure of high repute. For instance number of news agencies in our country are financed by the political arms. It is for this reason that management forces the editor to either include or exclude the articles relating to them, resulting in manipulation of information. This clearly show that editor doesn’t have any independence on selection of the information to report, thereby resulting is incorrect information that may prove to be bad for taking informed decision.


To summarise we are engulfed with bad news and it is not editor to be blamed for, but audience and management are responsible for such situation. Good news in form of economic growth, concerns of macro and micro level of economy and its essential steps for improvement, achievements in sports and measures to eradicate the social issues, contributes positively to individuals thought and therefore they are necessary ingredient for the positive society. It is recommended that audience realise the importance of good news and takes positive step in this direction boycotting the bad news.



Thank you in advance

[Johnson zhang]

News editors decide what to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers. What factors influence these decisions? Do we become used to bad news? Would it be better if more good news was reported?

News agency is socially responsible in providing good news to the audience at large and it is the editor who plays a pivotal role in reporting on television or newspaper, based on numerous factors that influences him. However, with commercialisation of news agency, the role of editors have diminished. It is the audience or management’s compulsion that drives the news today. This has resulted in substandard output thereby defeating the primary objectives of providing good news to the public
is it an introduction ? watch ryan's videos again

Presently, news agencies believe in catering to the audience interests. which one of those questions it answers to? The current trend suggest that humans are attracted more towards the negative elements of the report since it creates anxiety and curiosity among them. For instance, highest television viewership/newspaper readership rating is awarded to reports that cover 70% of information with negative elements relating news of robbery, celebrity/public figure scandal, allegations by politician/celebrities, terrorist attacks etc. This clearly shows trend of negative information that audience needs today. Thus compelling the editor either meet up to the expectation of audience interest or run out of business of reporting.

Secondly, news agencies are no more independent body, they are financial obliged by the assistance of politician or public figure of high repute. how does this answer the question? [/color]For instance number of news agencies in our country are financed by the political arms. It is for this reason that management forces the editor to either include or exclude the articles relating to them, resulting in manipulation of information. This clearly show that editor doesn’t have any independence on selection of the information to report, thereby resulting is incorrect information that may prove to be bad for taking informed decision.


To summarise we are engulfed with bad news and it is not editor to be blamed for, but audience and management are responsible for such situation. Good news in form of economic growth, concerns of macro and micro level of economy and its essential steps for improvement, achievements in sports and measures to eradicate the social issues, contributes positively to individuals thought and therefore they are necessary ingredient for the positive society. It is recommended that audience realise the importance of good news and takes positive step in this direction boycotting the bad news.too long

[mustafa.sariya]

Hello Johnson,

Thank you for time and prompt reply.

Can you assist me in answering this question, especially the introduction para and then few ideas on supporting points. Accordingly i will rewrite the essay and submit again for review ?

Thank You

Mustafa Sariya

[Johnson zhang]

News editors decide what to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers.

What factors influence these decisions? possible answers are nudity , violence and political disturbance that could affect editors' decision

Do we become used to bad news? maybe, people are losing interests in tragic news

Would it be better if more good news was reported? a balanced amount of good and bad news is better


can you see How i answer the questions directly with my personal opinions. It doesn't matter if you are not agreed by others.

[mustafa.sariya]

Hello Everyone

I happened to come across a question in IELTS cambridge 9, which is as follows:

On a recent holiday you lost valuable item. Fortunately you have travel insurance to cover the cost anything you lost.

Write letter to manager
1. describe the item
2. How you lost it
3. tell insurance what you would like them to do

Can anyone comment on the following response. ?

Thank you



Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing an application to claim the value of the electronic tablet that I lost during vacation with my family from New York to London. It was sleek, slim, white in colour, branded with a beautiful logo of “Samsung” on it and my name embedded in silver writing just next to it, which was tailored to my needs by the manufacturer.
We had boarded the flight late and after checking my office emails I placed it in the pocket right in front of the seat. Early morning in a haste to alight the flight, I completely forgot to pick my belonging from the front pocket until I reached home. I did confirm with the lost and found department of the flight, but they responded that didn't find any such article on my seat’s pocket.
Although I have lost my invaluable data, however I was fortunate enough to have been insured for my travel belongings. Since my policy terms covers me for anything that I lose during my travel, I am submitting my application for the insurance claim to your organisation. The enclosed form of claim and necessary documents to prove the value and the confirmation of the lost and found department is attached for your reference.
I request you to kindly process the claim at earliest. Looking forward for your response.

Thank You

John Smith

Enclosure:
1. Flight travel tickets.

2. Picture and invoice of the tablet

3. Confirmation from lost and found department.

Application form for the claim.

[shourien]

Hello Everyone

I happened to come across a question in IELTS cambridge 9, which is as follows:

On a recent holiday you lost valuable item. Fortunately you have travel insurance to cover the cost anything you lost.

Write letter to manager
1. describe the item
2. How you lost it
3. tell insurance what you would like them to do

Can anyone comment on the following response. ?

Thank you



Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing an application to claim the value of the electronic tablet that I lost during vacation with my family from New York to London. It was sleek, slim, white in colour, branded with a beautiful logo of “Samsung” on it and my name embedded in silver writing just next to it, which was tailored to my needs by the manufacturer.
We had boarded the flight late and after checking my office emails I placed it in the pocket right in front of the seat. Early morning in a haste to alight the flight, I completely forgot to pick my belonging from the front pocket until I reached home. I did confirm with the lost and found department of the flight, but they responded that didn't find any such article on my seat’s pocket.
Although I have lost my invaluable data, however I was fortunate enough to have been insured for my travel belongings. Since my policy terms covers me for anything that I lose during my travel, I am submitting my application for the insurance claim to your organisation. The enclosed form of claim and necessary documents to prove the value and the confirmation of the lost and found department is attached for your reference.
I request you to kindly process the claim at earliest. Looking forward for your response.

Thank You

John Smith

Enclosure:
1. Flight travel tickets.

2. Picture and invoice of the tablet

3. Confirmation from lost and found department.

Application form for the claim.

Your essay shows a clear indication of answering the essay in line with the bullets presented to you. Hence there are no links between paragraphs. This will clearly result in lower band since it does not explore your imagination or creativity. However, The essay is written fair enough.

It is recommended to introduce yourself briefly to begin with. e.g "I have availed a travel insurance from your company bearing the policy no. 132422. However, on my recent vacation with my family to London I lost my electronic tablet during transit." -> This is a hook so that you can connect the next paragraph with "how you lost it".
You can then subsequently talk about the description of the item. and then move on into next paragraph to tell the insurance on what you want them to do about it. Finally, conclude.
With this you maintain a smooth transition and the purpose becomes clear.

It is very important to answer all the bullet points but, order with respect to bullets in the topic need not be maintained. Its more important to connect ideas and progress well.

"Although I have lost my invaluable data, however I was fortunate..." There is no need to place a "however" there. The problem is that it is placed in a spot where it looks ambiguous. And the whole sentence loses structure as you read it. You can basically reinforce the same 2 sentences as follows
"However, although S1, S2" This makes for a better relationship between the 2 sentences and both sentences continue to be relative.

"The enclosed form of claim and necessary documents to prove the value and the confirmation of the lost and found department is attached for your reference" Punctuations and better choice of words are necessary to make better sense of the sentence. Break the sentence to have better traction.
"I have enclosed the completed form of claim and all the necessary documents to prove the value of the item. In addition, I have also enclosed the confirmation form from the 'lost and found' department at the airport for your reference."

All in all this is a letter probably in the band range 6 to 6.5. Although, its more in the ballpark of below 7. 7 would be being extremely generous and hence unlikely.

[allen_zhang]

My version is presented.
I feel it's a much clearer one.
I didn't spend many words on the detail of the missing item.
You should be definitely clear about the purpose of your letter.
When you are asking someone to help to find you missing belongings, you need to give the detail so that others can help you.
However, you are file a insurance claim, they don't need to know if it is black or white!

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to file a claim on the travel insurance I have with you, as I lost an expensive item on my trip to Australia from Singapore

The lost item was a 10 inch Sony Tab I bought for 1400$ at JB Hi-Fi shop in Melbourne.

The accident happened on May 10 when I was taking the flight AU380 to Australia from Singapore. I used my tablet to play games on the flight and put it in my cabin bag before landing. Unfortunately, when I passed the immigration at the airport, I found my tablet missing. I contacted the airline company immediately but they did not find it. I assume that someone must have mistakenly taken it.

According to the insurance terms, any lost item costs more than $200 is covered by the contract. So I am entitled to request either a replacement or compensation for my tablet. Please let me know what kind of paperwork I will need to do to make an official claim.

I would like to thank you in advance for your prompt assistance regarding this matter.

Yours faithfully,

Allen

[mustafa.sariya]

Hello Everyone

I happened to come across a question in IELTS cambridge 9, which is as follows:

On a recent holiday you lost valuable item. Fortunately you have travel insurance to cover the cost anything you lost.

Write letter to manager
1. describe the item
2. How you lost it
3. tell insurance what you would like them to do

Can anyone comment on the following response. ?

Thank you



Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing an application to claim the value of the electronic tablet that I lost during vacation with my family from New York to London. It was sleek, slim, white in colour, branded with a beautiful logo of “Samsung” on it and my name embedded in silver writing just next to it, which was tailored to my needs by the manufacturer.
We had boarded the flight late and after checking my office emails I placed it in the pocket right in front of the seat. Early morning in a haste to alight the flight, I completely forgot to pick my belonging from the front pocket until I reached home. I did confirm with the lost and found department of the flight, but they responded that didn't find any such article on my seat’s pocket.
Although I have lost my invaluable data, however I was fortunate enough to have been insured for my travel belongings. Since my policy terms covers me for anything that I lose during my travel, I am submitting my application for the insurance claim to your organisation. The enclosed form of claim and necessary documents to prove the value and the confirmation of the lost and found department is attached for your reference.
I request you to kindly process the claim at earliest. Looking forward for your response.

Thank You

John Smith

Enclosure:
1. Flight travel tickets.

2. Picture and invoice of the tablet

3. Confirmation from lost and found department.

Application form for the claim.

Your essay shows a clear indication of answering the essay in line with the bullets presented to you. Hence there are no links between paragraphs. This will clearly result in lower band since it does not explore your imagination or creativity. However, The essay is written fair enough.

It is recommended to introduce yourself briefly to begin with. e.g "I have availed a travel insurance from your company bearing the policy no. 132422. However, on my recent vacation with my family to London I lost my electronic tablet during transit." -> This is a hook so that you can connect the next paragraph with "how you lost it".
You can then subsequently talk about the description of the item. and then move on into next paragraph to tell the insurance on what you want them to do about it. Finally, conclude.
With this you maintain a smooth transition and the purpose becomes clear.

It is very important to answer all the bullet points but, order with respect to bullets in the topic need not be maintained. Its more important to connect ideas and progress well.

"Although I have lost my invaluable data, however I was fortunate..." There is no need to place a "however" there. The problem is that it is placed in a spot where it looks ambiguous. And the whole sentence loses structure as you read it. You can basically reinforce the same 2 sentences as follows
"However, although S1, S2" This makes for a better relationship between the 2 sentences and both sentences continue to be relative.

"The enclosed form of claim and necessary documents to prove the value and the confirmation of the lost and found department is attached for your reference" Punctuations and better choice of words are necessary to make better sense of the sentence. Break the sentence to have better traction.
"I have enclosed the completed form of claim and all the necessary documents to prove the value of the item. In addition, I have also enclosed the confirmation form from the 'lost and found' department at the airport for your reference."

All in all this is a letter probably in the band range 6 to 6.5. Although, its more in the ballpark of below 7. 7 would be being extremely generous and hence unlikely.

Thank you Shourien for your time and valuable comments. I will try to use them in my next submission on the forum, would be looking forward for your comments. Thank You once again.

[nazir]

Dear Sir,

I am writing this letter to inform you about my recently lost valuables and to obtain cliam against my insurance policy

It has happened on 27th january 2014 wherein i was on holiday trip to scotland. On may way back i had my flight and was carrying yellow suitcase which included my power of attorney of recently concluded deal of purchasing an building, rolex wrist watch, amex credit card and some clothes. I had to board my flight from scotland international airport in the evening and due to high air traffic the flights were delayed by 2 hrs.

In the mean time all the passengers were waiting in the airport lobby. I checked in and kept my luggage near waiting room. I happen to go to ask for flight schedule and on return i saw my luggage missing. I tried to reach people around me and also spoke to airport authorities. However, there was no result.

I would request you to look into this matter urgently. Further, i am enclosing my insurance documents pertaining to air travel and would expect to obtain claim post investigation

Your sincerely


Guys can you please help me as to what i may score if i had to write this letter in the exam ..on the same topic posted by "mustafa" earlier...