Please put comments On my Task 1 as Iam going for exam on 7

[dalsingh]

A friend has agreed to look after your house and pet while you are on holiday.

Write a letter to your friend. In your letter

• give contact details for when you are away
• give instructions about how to care for your pet
• describe other household duties

Dear Suman,

I Would like to inform you that my leaves for vacations has been approved by my manager. As per our discussion, you will be taking care of my pet dog and my home too during my absence.

As I am going to meet my parents after a long time, so you may stay at my home for these days. Its so close to our office as compared to your home. Being single you have no issues with living at my place. It will also be better for my dog Jack. He is so friendly and you will be familiar with him in couple of hours. By next Friday you may pack your bag and come to my home for whole week.

The home is fully equipped with modern devices. I have a part time maid. She is so faithful as she is working here from past five years. The only thing you have to take care is the feel timings and walk schedule of Jack. He is a polite dog and will not hinder your comfort. During any issue issue of help just contact me on mobile. And the contact details of local services providers like food or taxi are pasted near to phone.I am so thankful for such support, when I will be with my parents.

Yours Truly
Daljit Singh

[dalsingh]

Please revert me with exact feedback as the length of matter and the quality of matter

[shourien]

It is important that your introduction is more catchy. First of all, "gratitude" is lacking towards your friend. He as offered to help you, look after your pet and your house. In addition, there is no hook in the introduction.

Your second paragraph describes things in general but you have missed the point on "how to take care of your Pet". When are Feeding, Bathing timings. number of walks during the day, type of food it prefers these are the various points you could have touched upon

There are grammar and spelling mistakes such as "feel timings", "issue issue of help". Some sentences that don't add value like "I have a part time maid. She is so faithful as she is working here from past five years."
It would have been more useful if you would have written "I have a part time maid who helps in cleaning and cooking food. I have informed her about your stay and she would certainly make your life easier."

It is important to proofread once you have finished writing your essay to double check grammar and spelling mistakes.

The overall content is average and is in the band range of 5-6. I am not an ielts examiner and I am not trying to be overly critical but you do have a fair letter.
Hope this helps!

[dalsingh]

Thanks for your feed back.

I really appreciate that you have pointed out my mistakes

what necessary steps i can take for the exam of 7th june and please let me know as my target is to achieve 6.5 bands
else i have a good reading and listening skills

[shourien]

Thanks for your feed back.

I really appreciate that you have pointed out my mistakes

what necessary steps i can take for the exam of 7th june and please let me know as my target is to achieve 6.5 bands
else i have a good reading and listening skills

Is it 6.5 in each of the band or overall?
Its very important that you concentrate on your task 2 essay. Though Task 1 essay is important.
Put more effort and time on task 2. For task 2 you need to keep in mind the following.
At least spend 40 minutes here or more so that you can make sure you can write more coherent essay

1) Do not jump straight into writing an essay. First take 2-3 minutes to gather ideas or points and note it down on the question paper so that you don't forget them

2) Organise these thoughts i.e organise your points so that you can progress (e.g if the essay 2 topic is global warming and how to deal with the problem, then first provide an introduction, say what global warming has done in general and how it has affected the world. Provide a glance or an overview and also a hook.
Progress to the next idea for the main cause and additional supporting causes. Then move on to the ways to tackle the problem and in case opinion is asked make an opinion towards the end so that you can then easily move onto a conclusion.

3) Never contradict yourself in your essays.
Have strong opinions and avoid "It seems to me/It appears to me/I think" for expressing your "opinions"
Try using "In my opinion/I strongly support/believe instead.

4) Never put ideas in random. and jump between ideas. this primarily happens if we don't follow step 1 and step 2 and since ideas keeping popping up in your head during the exam, you tend to write them down which ends up in a bad essay.

5) Finally proofread.

I understand time will be a factor. But with practice you will know that you are much faster when you collect your ideas first and then start writing through an essay rather than randomly writing on.

[durai]

Dear Suman,

I would like to inform you that my leave application for my holiday has been approved by my manager. As per our discussion, you will be taking care of my pet dog and my home as well during my absence. its already given in the question, no need to mention again, also it sounds you ordering your friend, of course, we can order, but in general , people in foreign countries when ask help they do politely even though he/she may be a dearest person

As I am going to meet my parents after a long time, so you may again looks like an order, and I don't understand why you keep repeating, stay at my home for these days. Its so close to our office as compared to your home. Being single what you mean by single? is your friend not married , or you asking him to stay by him/her self you have no issues with living at my place. Also, it will be better for my dog Jack. i don't think your friend going to look after your house and dog) He is so friendly and you will be familiar with him in a couple of hours. Upto this point , all things you said were irrelevant to the task, keep the bullet points intact, tryto answer immediately to the bullet points after a short intro. By next Friday you may pack your bag and come to my home for whole week. ordering ?

The home is fully equipped with modern devices. I have a part time maid. if you a have a maid, why you want friend to stay in your house, and question is " you asking friend to look after your house and pet, you have changed the question, very weak task response She is so faithful as she is working here from past five years. The only thing you have to take care is the feel feel ? or feed ? timings and walk schedule of Jack. He is a polite dog and will not hinder your comfort. For any issues, please contact me on mobile. And the contact details of local services providers like food or taxi are pasted near to phone.I am so thankful for such support, when I will be with my parents. what the last part trying to say?

Yours Truly
Daljit Singh


well, you need to go through many letters and see what the tone of letter should be..

Many grammar errors, poor word choices.. Half of your letter is off topic, examiners think you just used your own story to fill up the words


looks band 5 to 5.5 ( I am not an assessor)