GT Letter,my first letter,please review and provide comments

[Srushti]

You are going to have a family party in a private room of a hotel. Write a letter to the hotel manager and say

- Why do you need to use this private room?
- What do you need them to provide for the party?
- Inquire about the price of the food you are ordering.


Dear Manager,

I am writing this letter to request information about a party room for a family function.

We have organized a party to celebrate my little one's first birthday on 25th June. I would like you to make an arrangement of a party hall which contain enough seating capacity with dining hall. The hall must be beautifully decorated and contain rocking music system. It would be great if you could arrange indoor games and karaoke system for fun. We are vegetarian, so I would like to have healthy and testy food which include all sorts of items like soups, salads, sweets etc. Please also arrange a delicious birthday cake of "Doraemon" comic shape.

It would be very grateful if you provide cost of food per plate for 50 persons, not later than 18th june. Also do not forget to add discount. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours Faithfully,
Srushti

[Johnson zhang]

Also do not forget to add discount.

Are you commanding ??? lol

[Srushti]

Thank you Jhonson for identifying mistake. Are there any other changes do I need to do? And which in band this kind of writing falls?

[candy07]

We have organized a party to celebrate my little one's first birthday on 25th June.

If you have already organised the party , then why u need information
Rephrase it - I am planning to organize birthday party for my little one

I am writing this letter to request information about a party room for a family function.

if you are requesting information then why are you telling the manager what all things you need in party

The subject of letter and body of letter are not on same lines ..

[Srushti]

You are going to have a family party in a private room of a hotel. Write a letter to the hotel manager and say

- Why do you need to use this private room?
- What do you need them to provide for the party?
- Inquire about the price of the food you are ordering.


Dear Manager,

I am writing this letter to need a hall for a family function along with require facilities and services.

We are planning to organize a party to celebrate my little one's first birthday on 25th June. I would like you to make an arrangement of a party hall which contain enough seating capacity with dining hall. The hall must be beautifuly decorated and contain rocking music system. It would be greate if you could arrange indoor games and karaoke system for fun. We are vegetarian, so I would like to have healty and testy food which include all sorts of items like soups, salads, sweets etc. Please also arrange a delicious birthday cake of "Doraemon" comic shape.

It would be very grateful if you provide cost of food per plate for 50 persons, not later than 18th june. Please also provide details of any discount offer if you have. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours Faithfully,
Srushti
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Thanks candy07

I have updated the letter

[candy07]

Hi Shrusthi

I am writing this letter as I need to reserve a private room in your hotel for a family function. I am enlisting my requirements and will like.to know about the facilities you provide for such functions.

[Srushti]

Thank you very much for your help Candy07 !!!

[Johnson zhang]

It would be very grateful if you provide cost of food per plate for 50 persons, not later than 18th june.

what is being grateful?

who is "you"

cost of food per plate for 50 persons. what?

[Flick]

Suggested changes to the updated letter (following suggestions by Candy).

You are going to have a family party in a private room of a hotel. Write a letter to the hotel manager and say

- Why do you need to use this private room?
- What do you need them to provide for the party?
- Inquire about the price of the food you are ordering.


Dear Manager,

I am writing this letter to request the use of a private room for a family function.

We are planning to have a party to celebrate my little one's first birthday on 25th June. I would like to book a party hall which has enough seating (<-- for how many people?). I am happy to pay for decorations and music. ('rocking music system' is inappropriate language for a professional communication.) I would also like to discuss arranging indoor games and a karaoke machine with you. We are vegetarian, so I would like to organize a healthy menu including soups, and salads. I would also like to order a Doraemon birthday cake.

I would be very grateful if you could send me an estimate of how much this will cost no later than 18th June. Please also provide details of any discount offer if you have. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours Faithfully,
Srushti
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