Could anyone help me to give grade to this essay ?

[rule_breaker]

Hello everyone
Could anyone help me to give grade to this essay ?
Thanks.

If a person wants to avoid invading the privacy of his or her personal life by media and public, then he or she should never be a star or celebrity. Do you agree or disagree?


In this modern world, everyone has a dream that to be a star or celebrity and to spread his or her shine throughout the world. The glamourous world is the one of those places where a person can become a star and can be famous in the whole world. But, there are some disadvantages of this popularity because this thing puts the privacy of celebrities in the danger zone. Everyone wants to know about the personal life of them. It is said that anyone who wishes to avoid this should never become a celebrity. In my opinion that it’s better that if a person wants to avoid it than he or she should never become a celebrity.

First of all, if a person cannot handle the problem of invading the privacy by the media or public then he should not go to be a celebrity. For instance, a person who does not want others interference in his or her life and gets depressed very easily because of it.

Secondly, everyone has their own secrets, but there are some people who do not care if their secrets expose. On the flip side, there are some people who are so conscious about their personal issues and do not like exposure then they should not be a celebrity.

Thirdly, there are some people who had bad experiences in past lives which they do not want to disclose to others because it may be ruin their lives and families.

However, some people think that everything has its own merits and demerits. So, we should not worry about future matters and try to be a star or celebrity.

In the conclusion, I think that the public and media should need to understand about the importance of privacy of others and does not interfere in the personal life of anyone who is a celebrity or not.

[mhingz]

initially, i think you need to redo your intro, its too long.

[rule_breaker]

Thanks for the reply, mhingz
Could you please give band score to this essay. In that way, i could get to know that where i stand now in Ielts.....
Your band score is really so good. i also want to improve my speaking skill. could you please help me in speaking ? can we do practice on Skype ?
All the best for your upcoming Ielts result.

Thanks

[mhingz]

Thanks for the reply, mhingz
Could you please give band score to this essay. In that way, i could get to know that where i stand now in Ielts.....
Your band score is really so good. i also want to improve my speaking skill. could you please help me in speaking ? can we do practice on Skype ?
All the best for your upcoming Ielts result.

Thanks

thanks for the compliments, however, im really not that good as what you might think.. i just love learning lots of vocabulary from posters here thats why i like to make comments and remarks. I am realy learning a lot in this forum (to be honest)!
As for the band score, i can't gauge it as accurate as others do.
As for the speaking, its difficult for me coz i dont have internet on my house and here in the office, i dont have mic. I would suggest to post your speaking and from that, we can comment on it.
When is your exam?

[rule_breaker]

Thanks for the reply, mhingz
Could you please give band score to this essay. In that way, i could get to know that where i stand now in Ielts.....
Your band score is really so good. i also want to improve my speaking skill. could you please help me in speaking ? can we do practice on Skype ?
All the best for your upcoming Ielts result.

Thanks

thanks for the compliments, however, im really not that good as what you might think.. i just love learning lots of vocabulary from posters here thats why i like to make comments and remarks. I am realy learning a lot in this forum (to be honest)!
As for the band score, i can't gauge it as accurate as others do.
As for the speaking, its difficult for me coz i dont have internet on my house and here in the office, i dont have mic. I would suggest to post your speaking and from that, we can comment on it.
When is your exam?

I didn't get exam date yet. I'm going to plan to take exam after one month, because my requirement is too high. I need 7.5 in listening & 7 in each in other modules. Could you please suggest me some good tips to improve in all modules.
Thanks

[mhingz]

put more effort to practice on writing coz it will will influence your speaking... of course you should practice speaking too.
As for reading and listening, practice the actual ielts exam. Use vidits strategy for reading,.. works well to me.
And enjoy doing it... coz it will help a lot!

[rule_breaker]

Thanks for your precious suggestions. by the way, where are you going to apply ? Are you applying for study visa or immigration ?

[mhingz]

Thanks for your precious suggestions. by the way, where are you going to apply ? Are you applying for study visa or immigration ?

for immigration.. targeting 7 on all section.. i wish i can nail it this time.