Please evaluate my essay task 2

[supriya]

The threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace. Nuclear power provides cheap
and clean energy.
The benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nuclear technology holds the promise of significant benefits, in a variety of fields, from medicine and agriculture to electricity production and industry.Although it offers a huge range of benefits in world peace and green power,it is also a dangerous technology if we think about Chernobyl.However it is agreed that the benefit of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages to the world.This argument will be proven by looking at how the usage of nuclear power will decrease the environmental pollution and how the nuclear weapons show a positive impact on world peace.
Firstly,the main purpose of nuclear energy is to promote and protect the environment.For instance,India ‘s target is to have 14.5 GWe nuclear capacity on line by 2020 as part of its national energy policy.This makes it clear that global warming will take a modest decline and the threat posed to environment will be reduced.Thus,this makes it clear that nuclear energy is an emerging source of power in today’s world.
Secondly,nuclear weapon that are present in the arsenal of close to 10 countires ,the countries considered to be world’s biggest economy power house,has also lead to a greater degree of cooperation between these countires.They also prevent escalation of conflicts between nations for fear of Mutually Assured destruction.From this it becomes evident that usage of nuclear technology will protect us from future devastation.
In summary,utilization of nuclear energy will stipulate a better world.thus it is clear why the idea of using non-renewable energy will be catastrophic for future .After analying this subject,it is predicted that the positive aspects of the debate over nuclear energy be stronger than negative ones and because of this nuclear energy can maintain world peace.

[IndianHarry]

The threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace. Nuclear power provides cheap
and clean energy.
The benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nuclear technology holds the promise of significant benefits, in a variety of fields, from medicine and agriculture to electricity production and industry.Although it offers a wide range of benefits in terms of world peace and green power,it is also a dangerous technology as the Chernobyl disaster very aptly reminds .However it is agreed that the benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh its disadvantages to the world.This argument will be solidified as we look at how the usage of nuclear power will decrease the environmental pollution and how the nuclear weapons show a positive impact on world peace. ( the tense change after the "and" looks awkward.)

Firstly,the main purpose of nuclear energy is to promote and protect the environment. For instance, India‘s target is to have 14.5 GWe nuclear capacity on line by 2020 as part of its national energy policy.This makes it clear that global warming will take a modest decline and the threat posed to environment will be reduced.Thus,this makes it clear that nuclear energy is an emerging source of power in today’s world.

Secondly, nuclear weapons that are present in the arsenal of close to 10 countries ,the countries considered to be world’s biggest economy power house, have also lead to a greater degree of cooperation between these countries.They also prevent escalation of conflicts between nations for fear of Mutually Assured destruction.From this it becomes evident that usage of nuclear technology will protect us from future devastation.

In summary,utilization of nuclear energy will stipulate a better world.thus it is clear why the idea of using non-renewable energy will be catastrophic for future .After analying this subject,it is predicted that the positive aspects of the debate over nuclear energy be stronger than negative ones and because nuclear energy can maintain world peace.

Hi Supriya,

My idea for this is anywhere between 5.5-6 bands .

The conclusions you have drawn and assumptions you have laid out are at many places logically flawed and/or deprived. ( see the lines marked in red for instance).

My suggestion is that you spend some time reading band 8 essays. It would be even better if you write on the same topic yourself first and then see what a band 8 essay looks like on the same topic. I am sure you will learn more about logical progression. You can easily get a full band bump if you correct only this part.

The grammatical mistakes can be easily sorted with more reading/listening.

Regards