Topic of a perfect society

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
Post Reply
yhjsaber
Posts: 84
Joined: Thu Mar 20, 2014 9:13 am

Topic of a perfect society

Post by yhjsaber »

Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society?

Indeed this quite a hard topic.

The criteria with which a perfect society is defined are hotly debated by many. In my opinion, being able to allow every social member to lead a fulfilling life is the most important factor contributing to an ideal society.

Living in a satisfactory life involves three main elements. Firstly, a good salary which allows people to meet their basic needs such as paying for housing, food, bills, medical care and education is of great importance. Another crucial element is the sense of security, which is mainly based on the healthy relationship between people, meaning a person can fully trust others without any hesitation. In addition, a strong consciousness of responsibility is also vital in this respect. If every social individual is striving to protect the integrity and to promote the development of their communities, the combined efforts will result in that all people can enjoy a reasonable quality of life.

From my point of view, improving the standards and the prevalence of education is the best way for people to obtain fulfilment in life, which eventually leads to a harmonic and healthy society. To be more specific, education can equip people with essential occupational skills and provide them with the opportunities to develop these skills within their expertise. As a result, people can expect to start a desire career with sufficient incomes that give them the ability to cover their expenses, as well as raising a family. Also, the awareness among people of the importance of the healthy bound between people can be raised via proper education. Those who were educated in high standard institutes are better at regulating themselves and are more polite in terms of interacting with others. With every person being instilled with abilities to earn a living and the benign attitude towards other people, which leads to a peaceful and thriving society, they will develop a strong obligation to protecting what they are enjoying in their desired society. As seen above, the role of education in the creation of an ideal society is indeed pivotal.

In conclusion, an ideal society is a large community in which every member of it is able to have a fulfilling life. It seems to me that rendering people with the capability to do this through educating them is the most effective method of establishing a perfect world for us to live in.
allen_zhang
Posts: 362
Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am

Re: Topic of a perfect society

Post by allen_zhang »

Hi yhjsaber,
a few personal understandings about your essay.
1.
The criteria with which a perfect society is defined are hotly debated by many.

I don't like "hotly debated", I usually avoid this kind of expression because I am not sure if it is really "hot".
I prefer "The criteria to define a society ...".

2. About the your ideas,
Living in a satisfactory life involves three main elements.
This is kind of like "personal happiness", but not ideal society.
the third argument of your first paragraph is hard to be understood.

I would use ideas like : social equality and equity, healthy economy and sustainable development, a society that encourages creativity and innovation.


3. I may not agree with some of your wording choice( I am not saying that I am correct, just some personal understanding). just to name a few:
fulfilling life
I would use :"fulfilled life"
Living in a satisfactory life involves three main elements
I would use "Leading/Having a satisfactory life.. "
healthy relationships between people
the integrity
I would use :"their integrity"

cover their expenses, as well as raising a family.
Personally, I think "expenses" includes "raising a family".
" instilled with abilities"
I am not sure if this is a good collocation.


BR!
Allen
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
yhjsaber
Posts: 84
Joined: Thu Mar 20, 2014 9:13 am

Re: Topic of a perfect society

Post by yhjsaber »

Hi Allen,

Thank you for your comment. As I said, this is a very hard essay. I was trying to relate fulfilling life to a perfect society. This is why I discussed the requirements for a satisfactory life in the first paragraph by looking at three aspects-good salary, sense of security and sense of belonging which is also the individuals' responsibility to a society. In the second paragraph, I justified that proper education can give people the ability to attain the aforementioned requirements. However, I am not satisfied with this essay either.

I think your idea of talking about social equality and healthy economy is too broad an approach. It is really hard for me to testify which one is the most important element for a perfect society because, from my point view, they are equally crucial. It would take "countless" words to justify your standpoint. I prefer to use the idea of satisfying the basic needs of people and then expand it in detail.

FYI: Fulfilling life, exhausting gases, tiring life share the same grammatical trait.
allen_zhang
Posts: 362
Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am

Re: Topic of a perfect society

Post by allen_zhang »

Hi yhjsaber,

I tried to write two paragraphs, please advise.

It is hard to define an “ideal society”. Utopia may just exist in people’s imagination and will never become a reality. However, this does not mean that humans cannot imagine it and try to approach it.

From my point of view, there are several important features that are related to an ideal society. Firstly, abundant social wealth is important for a prosper society. A society where many of their fellow citizens cannot enjoy a satisfactory living standard can hardly be seen as “ideal”. Secondly, an ideal society should adapt a sustainable development mode in terms of economy and environment. A sense of stability and a positive long term perspective are crucial to the well-being of a society. Finally, social equality is also considered as a key to achieve a civilized society. For example, some societies in which women do not have the same right as men are often viewed as underdeveloped.
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
allen_zhang
Posts: 362
Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am

Re: Topic of a perfect society

Post by allen_zhang »

I tried a little to make my essay more catchy, although I don't know whether I made it or not.
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
yhjsaber
Posts: 84
Joined: Thu Mar 20, 2014 9:13 am

Re: Topic of a perfect society

Post by yhjsaber »

From my point of view, there are several important features that are related to an ideal society. Firstly, abundant social wealth is important for a prosper society. A society where many of their fellow citizens cannot enjoy a satisfactory living standard can hardly be seen as “ideal”. Secondly, an ideal society should adapt a sustainable development mode in terms of economy and environment. A sense of stability and a positive long term perspective are crucial to the well-being of a society. Finally, social equality is also considered as a key to achieve a civilized society. For example, some societies in which women do not have the same right as men are often viewed as underdeveloped.

From my perspective, there are several important features that an ideal society depict. Firstly, having an abundane of wealth is crucial for a thriving society. A society in which residents are not able to have a satisfactory living standard can hardly be recognised as "ideal". Secondly, a perfect society should adopt a sustainable strategy for the sake of economic development and environment protection. In addition, a sense of security and a postive atitude towards life are crucial for the well-being social members, which eventually leads to a harmonic and healthy society. Finally, social equality could also be considered as pivotal for achieving a desired society. For instance, a society in which women do not possess the same right as men do is less developed than a society with better gender equality.

Allen, this is what I can do for you. However, I still think your arguments lack of persuasiveness and I truly do not know how to improve it
vipin
Posts: 29
Joined: Wed Apr 16, 2014 12:22 pm

Re: Topic of a perfect society

Post by vipin »

Doesn't the question read "most important element according to you". I think so its better to identify an element and then talk about that element, say for e.g Crime, A crime free society people trust each other, have a sense of security etc..
Post Reply