Write about the following topic.
Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, leisure and work activities.
To what extent do the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages?
My essay:
Nowadays, information technology is part of our life. It is changing our life in every respect from work to leisure time. We are surrounded by technology of all kinds, when we wake up we have a coffee machine, we hear news from television or we can read a newspaper from internet. With our smartphone we are always connected to the Internet and we can know what is happening in another part of the world with a click.
I believe that information technology is an excellent ally for our lives. Thanks to this technology we can exchange data quickly and this greatly improves working life. For example, if in the past you wanted to send a document to an office distant from yours, you had to send a letter and this took days, but today with information technology you can send an email in seconds. Another advantage is the backup of documents that in the past a specific office was needed where they were kept and there was the risk of losing or damaging them but today it requires only an hard drive and it is possible to save a lot of files.
On the other hand, there are also disadvantages. Today our whole life is online,made up of 0's and 1's, from the movies we watch to our bank accounts. This is dangerous because there may be an information leak and this can lead to the sharing of your sensitive data.
In conclusion, I'm of the opinion that the advantages of information technology far exceed the disadvantages. Although there are dangers, they are all avoidable by taking the right precautions, and information technology will enhance our lives.
Please evaluate Writing task 2
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Re: Please evaluate Writing task 2
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Thanks for your submission ale_din!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
Nowadays, information technology is A part of our LIVES, AND is changing our LIVES in every respect from work to leisure time. We are surrounded by technology of all kinds, AND when we wake up we have a coffee machine, we hear news from television or we can read a newspaper from THE internet. With our smartphoneS we are always connected to the Internet and we can know what is happening in OTHER PARTS of the world with JUST a click.
B1:
ON THE ONE HAND, I believe that information technology is an excellent AID IN our DAILY lives. Thanks to this technology we can exchange data quickly and this greatly improves working life. For example, if in the past you wanted to send a document to an office (change 'distant from yours') THAT IS FAR FROM YOUR OWN, you had to send a letter and this took days, but today, (add comma) with information technology, (add comma) you can send an email in seconds. Another advantage is the backup of documents WHERE in the past a specific office was needed where they were kept and there was the risk of losing or damaging them but today it requires only A hard drive and it is possible to save a lot of files.
B2:
On the other hand, there are also disadvantages. Today our whole life is online, made up of 0's and 1's, from the movies we watch to our bank accounts. This is dangerous because there may be an information leak and this can lead to the sharing of your sensitive data.
CONC:
In conclusion, I AM of the opinion that the advantages of information technology far exceed the disadvantages. Although there are dangers, they are all avoidable by taking the right precautions, and information technology will CONTINUE TO enhance our lives INTO THE FUTURE.
Advice:
1. Try to connect sentences more where this is appropriate. See the introduction for many examples of this where simply adding 'and' greatly improved the cohesion.
2. If you use 'On the other hand' in the B2, you should use "On the one hand" in the B1 for balance.
3. You need to improve the balance of the body paragraphs because although the B1 was quite long, the B2 was extremely short and did not really fit any body paragraph structure. (SEE THE LINK ABOVE FOR GOOD BODY PARAGRAPH STRUCTURE)
Band-score:
TA: 5.5
G: 6.5
V: 6.5
CC: 6.0
Homepage: https://www.this-course.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbVrKy ... LmQirBfSTw
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thiscoursesocial/
Thanks for your submission ale_din!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
Nowadays, information technology is A part of our LIVES, AND is changing our LIVES in every respect from work to leisure time. We are surrounded by technology of all kinds, AND when we wake up we have a coffee machine, we hear news from television or we can read a newspaper from THE internet. With our smartphoneS we are always connected to the Internet and we can know what is happening in OTHER PARTS of the world with JUST a click.
B1:
ON THE ONE HAND, I believe that information technology is an excellent AID IN our DAILY lives. Thanks to this technology we can exchange data quickly and this greatly improves working life. For example, if in the past you wanted to send a document to an office (change 'distant from yours') THAT IS FAR FROM YOUR OWN, you had to send a letter and this took days, but today, (add comma) with information technology, (add comma) you can send an email in seconds. Another advantage is the backup of documents WHERE in the past a specific office was needed where they were kept and there was the risk of losing or damaging them but today it requires only A hard drive and it is possible to save a lot of files.
B2:
On the other hand, there are also disadvantages. Today our whole life is online, made up of 0's and 1's, from the movies we watch to our bank accounts. This is dangerous because there may be an information leak and this can lead to the sharing of your sensitive data.
CONC:
In conclusion, I AM of the opinion that the advantages of information technology far exceed the disadvantages. Although there are dangers, they are all avoidable by taking the right precautions, and information technology will CONTINUE TO enhance our lives INTO THE FUTURE.
Advice:
1. Try to connect sentences more where this is appropriate. See the introduction for many examples of this where simply adding 'and' greatly improved the cohesion.
2. If you use 'On the other hand' in the B2, you should use "On the one hand" in the B1 for balance.
3. You need to improve the balance of the body paragraphs because although the B1 was quite long, the B2 was extremely short and did not really fit any body paragraph structure. (SEE THE LINK ABOVE FOR GOOD BODY PARAGRAPH STRUCTURE)
Band-score:
TA: 5.5
G: 6.5
V: 6.5
CC: 6.0
