Please evaluate task 2

[ppatelronak]

In the past, knowledge was contained in books. Nowadays, knowledge is uploaded to the internet.
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?



Gone are the days when all the content, from novels to scientific journals, were printed on the paper that published and distributed all over the world. From last few decade, all these written material are converted in electronic form which is considered a positive progression. I personally, reckon penetration of technological advancement in the field of written media have more positive side than negative.

Written electronic content have threat that after a few technological advancement it cannot be decoded. Computer science is developing at unprecedented pace, the electronic storage devices of just five decade old became extinct this made impossible to retrieve data this produce threat to loss of very crucial information. Floppy, for instance, has been at verge of extinction so the data stored in floppy drive would become unavailable after few decade. Hence, it is essential to be cautious before converting all the written media in electronic form.

On the flip side of coin, e-books can save several thousand trees to be cut down and have ability to accommodate entire library in just a single device. Although decoding method of electronic copy is changed every year, now it became easy to convert old format into a recent electronic form by using mere a software. Moreover, e-books can save tones of paper which ultimately save thousands of trees, a pressing problem to save environment have this simple solution. A computer device can accommodate plethora of electronic data. If this electronic data converted in physical form, it would require a huge library to store this all data. So, electronic copy is easy to store and transport which provide a great comfort to handle written material. On top of that electronic copy can be inscriptd which make easy to store many confidential information without a threat of theft. So, electronic copy provides a great degree of convenience over a physical copy

In nutshell, Technological development made inevitable to use electronic forms. Although the physical copy of books have threat to be lost of important information, this disadvantage can be overlooked because e-book is convenient, safe and eco-friendly.

[goldcoastielts]

Visit ThisCourse for IELTS and PTE!!

Homepage: https://www.this-course.com

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbVrKy ... LmQirBfSTw

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thiscoursesocial/


Thanks for your submission ppatelronak!! Please see my rewrite below ...

INTRO:
Gone are the days when all (delete 'the') content, from novels to scientific journals, WAS printed on (delete 'the') paper that was published (passive verb) and distributed all over the world. From THE last COUPLE OF (delete 'few') decadeS, all these written materialS HAVE BEEN converted inTO electronic form which is considered a positive progression. I personally (delete comma) BELIEVE THAT THIS penetration of technological advancement in the field of written media HAS HAD more positive sideS than negative ONES.

B1:
ONE THE ONE HAND, written electronic content HAS THE DANGER that after NEW TECHNOLOGY HAS BEEN DEVELOPED, it cannot be READ ANYMORE. Computer science is developing at unprecedented pace, AND the electronic storage devices of just five decadeS AGO HAVE BECOME extinct, AND this HAS made IT impossible to retrieve data WHICH MAY LEAD TO A loss of CRITICAL information. Floppy DISCS, for instance, IS NOW ON THE verge of extinction so the data stored in floppy driveS WILL MOSET LIKELY become unavailable after A few decadeS. Hence, it is essential to be cautious before converting all the written media inTO electronic form.

B2:
On the flip side of THE coin, e-books can save several thousand trees FROM beING cut down and ALSO have THE ability to accommodate entire librarIES ON just a single device. Although THE decoding method of electronic copy changeS every year, it HAS NOW BECOME easy to convert old format into A MORE recent electronic form by using SIMPLE CONVERSION software. Moreover, e-books can save toNnes of paper which ultimately save thousands of trees, AND THE pressing problem OF HOW to save THE environment CAN have this simple solution. A computer device can accommodate A plethora of electronic data. If this electronic data IS converted inTO A physical form, it would require a huge library to store all THIS data. AS SUCH, electronic copIES ARE easIER to store and transport which provideS a great comfort to handle written material ... MAKES IT MUCH EASIER TO HANDLE WRITTEN MATERIAL. On top of ALL that, electronic copIES can be inscriptEd which makeS IT easy to store many DIFFERENT KINDS OF confidential information without THE threat of theft. So IN THE END, electronic copIES CAN provides a great degree of convenience WHEN COMPARED TO physical copIES.

CONC:
TO CONCLUDE, AND in nutshell, technological development HAS made IT inevitable THAT EVERYONE WILL use electronic formATS MORE AND MORE. Although the physical copy of books have threat to be lost of important information ... have the danger that important information may be lost, this disadvantage can be overlooked because e-bookS ARE convenient, safe and eco-friendly.


Advice:
1. Make sure you use the perfect tense (have/has + past participle) where appropriate.
2. Don't forget the article "the"
3. "ALL THIS" not "THIS ALL"
4. Don't use "so" to begin a sentence by itself. "SO" works better in the middle of a sentence.Use "SO" in a phrase like "so in the end ...".

Band-score:
TA: 6.0-6.5 (nice ideas about advantages and disadvantages)
G: 5.5 (try to study the basic grammar a little more!)
V: 6.5
CC: 5.5 (the structure is a little off - the B1 is half as big as the B2)