Please rate my essay - Task 2 : Travelling to foreign countr

[Guru]

Some people believe that travelling alone really benefits in learning a country's culture and experience, while others believe it is better to travel with someone in that country you know. Discuss both these views and share your opinion.

In order to equip oneself with the knowledge of culture and tradition of a nation it is much more advisable to travel to that place as compared to reading a book about it. Travelling alone or with a local friend to a foreign destination has its own benefits and drawbacks which we shall discuss in this essay.

Visiting a place is exciting when one is completely on his or her own. Firstly, one is free to plan one’s journey without being constrained by the schedule limitations of a local friend. Secondly, with the widespread promotion of tourism, it is not difficult to plan one’s visit to different places of tourist interest. For example, in France and many other countries, the information about the famous tourist spots of historical and cultural import is available in tourist brochures and pamphlets widely available at railway stations and local tourism departments. The same is also available on government websites. Finally, on the negative side, one also carries the risk of facing challenging and hostile situations which might turn ones’ visit into an unforgiving ordeal. For example, visiting a country like India is very daunting for foreign nationals considering that it is not safe to travel after dark without taking appropriate caution.

Travelling with someone locally you know well has several benefits. On the one hand, it enables tourists to avail the personal services and local knowledge possessed by a local inhabitant. There are many places of interest which are not documented in tourist brochures or are less known to outsiders. For example, in India if one visits New Delhi then there are several less publicized eateries serving delicious Indian delicacies which one would not want to miss. On the other hand, by virtue of living with a native, one gets to interact with the locals and learn about the local lifestyles and cultural values of that society. This gives tourists access to firsthand native lifestyle experience and a much closer insight into a country’s culture and ethos.

To sum up, in my opinion it is much more suitable to travel with a person well-known to you, who has an excellent knowledge of local culture and traditions. This would enrich a persons’ experience and enhance the quality of his or her trip.

[Joe]

Hi Guru,

Here's my comments:

It's quite difficult to find too much fault with this essay! Really well structured with an excellent grasp of grammar. It is comfortably a Band 8, quite possibly 9.

Just a few points, some are more personal choices as opposed to corrections.

A persons' experience should be a person's experience. Ones' visit should be one's visit. They are possessives- the experience and visit belonging to 'a person' and 'one'. You used it correctly in 'one’s journey'.

I personally wouldn't use the opener, 'on the one hand'. I think the sentence is fine without it and I would write 'use' instead of 'avail'. Avail is fine but not really used commonly.

'On the other hand' is used to denote a different side of the argument. In your case you are giving another reason to support why you think it is best to travel with a local. You could use 'additional' or 'furthermore'.


Joe
www.ieltschampion.com

[Guru]

Hi Joe,

Thanks a lot for your valuable feedback.

Its definitely beneficial to get your essay critiqued by a native English speaker. I'll surely pay heed to your suggestions. Thanks.