Hello David,
Would appreciate your feedback for my essay. I wonder if you think my essay structure and the arguments are alright? Thanks in advance for your time!
Everyone should stay in school until they reach the age of 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is believed by some people that the minimum school leaving age for children should be raised to 18. This essay argues that this is a laudable aim, through demonstrating that this helps tackle youth unemployment and its associated social problems, before pointing out that this practice is a crucial investment in society’s future.
One argument in favour of lengthening compulsory schooling is that it addresses the issue of youth unemployment and its associated social ills. Raising the school leaving age means that those who enter the job market will either possess high-school diplomas or vocational training qualifications. This will likely increase their chance of securing a job amid stiff competition in the labor market. On the other hand, adolescents who leave schools early run a higher risk of being jobless, which may act as a catalyst for increased levels of youth-related vandalism and juvenile delinquency. Hence, providing teenagers with adequate training and education through extended schooling would likely curb social problems related to youth unemployment.
Apart from boosting career prospects for youngsters and along with it, a fall in juvenile crime rates, keeping students at school until they turn 18 is a worthy social investment. There is compelling evidence suggesting that devoting more time to academic pursuit may produce a more highly skilled workforce once they enter the job market, which in turn might yield higher income for employees and, by extension, more tax revenues for a country. Proceeds from taxation can then be used to cover the cost of keeping people in school, as well as to fund other social welfare schemes such as those related to housing, healthcare and pensions.
In sum, in light of the potential benefits accruing from extended schooling, I strongly advocate the idea that one should continue their study until the age of 18.
(301 words)