Kindly check task 2 retirement homes (agree/disagree)

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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Praoparn
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Kindly check task 2 retirement homes (agree/disagree)

Post by Praoparn »

In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their aging members. Do you agree? :)
In recent decades, the number of elderly people has dramatically increased. While families often put them in the retirement homes, I am entirely against this.

First and foremost, no one wants to live away from home including the elderly. Since whereabouts are one of the four fundamental things for lives, it is undeniable that they are accustomed to where they belong. To be more specific, this could then result in depression and many other psychological problems, leading to death amongst old people. A few people might wonder why this is critical. An existing research showed that people, whose age were over 50, had no sooner left their home than their stress exceeded the safe level, causing an increase in the mortality rate.

Moreover, it is families’ responsibilities to take care of them. If there had not been the forerunners, there would not be young generations. Many countries are facing the aging population crisis and one factor, which exacerbates this, is the neglect of the aging members. As a consequence, lots of people forget their roots, identities, and customs. Without the old population, all of these would have been completely disappeared in years to come due to the lack of experienced people.

In a nutshell, the feeling of nostalgia, physical & mental health problems, and the lost in identities are all the consequences of living in retirement homes. Thus, in my opinion, I strongly do not recommend this.
David.IELTS.Examiner
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Re: Kindly check task 2 retirement homes (agree/disagree)

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

This is quite a good essay. Your points are clear, but they do need more development. Organisation is clear. The range of vocabulary is good, with some topic-specific items. However, the range and accuracy of grammar needs to be improved. (The range can be easily dealt with by making the essay longer.)

All the best,
David
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Flick
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Re: Kindly check task 2 retirement homes (agree/disagree)

Post by Flick »

Praoparn wrote: Sun Jun 11, 2017 1:31 am
In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their aging members. Do you agree? :)
In recent decades, the number of elderly people has dramatically increased. While families often put them in retirement homes, I am entirely against this.

First and foremost, no one wants to live away from home, including the elderly. Since whereabouts are one of the four fundamental things for lives,(<--I don't understand this sentence.) it is undeniable that they are accustomed to where they belong. To be more specific, this could then result in depression and many other psychological problems, leading to death amongst old people. A few people might wonder why this is critical. A recent study showed that people over 50 who had left their home experienced stress exceeding the safe level, causing an increase in the mortality rate.

Moreover, it is the family's responsibility to take care of them. If there had not been the forerunners, there would not be young generations.(<--Reword to: "Without the previous generation, there wouldn't be a current generation.") Many countries are facing the aging population crisis, and one factor which exacerbates this is the neglect of aging members. As a consequence, lots of people forget their roots, identities, and customs. Without the older population, all of these will have completely disappeared in years to come due to the lack of experienced people.

In a nutshell, the feeling of nostalgia, physical & mental health problems, and the lost of identity are all the consequences of living in retirement homes. Thus, in my opinion, I strongly do not recommend this.
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