can someone check my writing task 2

[jaggi7921]

Many students have to study subjects which they do not like. Some people think this is a complete waste of time. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In today’s competitive world, students are forced to study subjects in which they are not interested at all. People argue that it’s totally wastage of time, however I think it will broaden their knowledge and have positive impact on every student.

Let us first examine why people hold the opinion that students not study the subjects which they don’t want and should be allowed to choose the subjects whatever they want to study. Firstly, they think that if school pupils study those subject that they choose then they are more enthusiastic about their study and if they have more subjects which are unnecessary for them then there is also a chance where students will lose their interest in study. Finally, if all subjects are compulsory for studying, students will not have enough time to learn all of them properly, hence students have a lot of study pressure which maybe cause some stressing problems.

However, I believe that if students learn all different subjects then there are lot of benefits instead of above problems. The first positive point of having various subject is that, students are not mature enough at young age and don’t have any knowledge about their desired career. Thus, its beneficial for them to study various subjects, so that they can choose what they want to study in their later life like, in colleges and universities. In addition to that, in today’s job market every employer wants employees who have a knowledge of various fields and by studying more subject at school, students can widen their knowledge which will provide more job opportunities to them.

In conclusion, I believe that students should be learn all of the basic subjects at school, because there is more benefit of studying these instead of their drawbacks.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, quite a good essay. The main problem is that you express yourself very simply. Your writing lacks adverbs of frequency and degree for example.

Your points are good and developed to some extent. The range of grammar and vocabulary is good and mistakes are relatively infrequent.

So, not bad, and could easily be improved into a very good essay.

All the best,
David