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[qowlaks]

Should parents be obliged to immunise their children against common childhood diseases?
Or do individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?





Answer

The social system is likely to flow based on proper standards and It is applied for vaccination as well. However, this way could not fulfill all people’s needs, particularly in the case of people who can’t reach common standards and would be critical in the case of vaccination. I would like to talk about the issues of the vaccination system.

To begin with, in terms of the purpose that governments force parents to have the obligation of immunisation, it is a reasonable attempt to keep the children’s health safety away against many diseases. Thereby, they are able to prepare in advance to cope with various diseases before facing them.

However, the immunisation programmes would be effective for only people who don’t have any problems with their bodies. Therefore, if they tried to immunise vulnerable children, it could result in many risks and even death. In addition, governments don’t provide appropriate information of bad effects of vaccination and various cases which are related with harmful results by focusing on only overall statistics, so that it could even critically affect healthy children.

In other words, the obligation could not be for all children, is that the governments don’t take into consideration children and parents with the wider range of the results. Parents should be first obliged that their children have to receive their health check before immunising, and its procedure are taken in different ways based on the state of the children.

In conclusion, children should be vaccinated under the condition of the individuals. Furthermore, parents should have the rights to choose proper vaccinations for their children

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, quite a good essay. Your points are good, but sometimes not developed enough. A good thing would be to give examples. Organisation is clear with a good range of connectives.

The range of both grammar and vocabulary are a little limited. However, accuracy is quite good.

I think you could easily make this into a very good essay.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Should parents be obliged to immunise their children against common childhood diseases?
Or do individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?





Answer

The social system is likely to succeed based on proper standards, and applies to vaccination, as well. However, this way (<--I don't understand. What 'way'?)could not fulfill all people’s needs, particularly in the case of people who can’t reach common standards and would be critical in the case of vaccination.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) This essay will discuss the issues around vaccination.

To begin with, in terms of the purpose that governments force parents to have the obligation of immunisation, it is a reasonable attempt to keep the children’s health safety away against many diseases.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) Thereby, they are able to prepare in advance to cope with various diseases before facing them.(<--I don't understand this sentence.)

However, immunisation programmes are only effective for people who don’t have any problems with their bodies. Therefore, if they tried to immunise vulnerable children, it could result in many risks and even death. In addition, governments don’t provide appropriate information of possible side effects of vaccination, instead focusing only on overall statistics, so that it could even critically affect healthy children.

In other words, the obligation could not be for all children, is that the governments don’t take into consideration children and parents with the wider range of the results.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) Parents should first ensure that their children have received their health check before immunising, and its procedure are taken in different ways based on the state of the children.(<--I don't understand this section.)

In conclusion, children should be vaccinated based on the health of the individual. Furthermore, parents should have the right to choose proper (What are 'proper' vaccinations?) vaccinations for their children.