Please help analyse T2. Thanks in advanced!

[plin0627]

Some people believe that charities should give aid to those who need the aid most, wherever they live. Others believe that charitable organisation would better concentrate on people in their own countries instead. Discuss.

Charity organisations are supporting society in dealing with many issues. While some individuals think that these agencies ought to help anyone from anywhere as long as they require helps urgently, there are another group of people argue that it is more relevant to focus on its own nation. This essay will discuss both views based on the factors of urgency and ineffective use of resources and then follow by my opinion.

Priority may be the key reason why the former statement claims that non-profit organisations should support who require the aid most. They could lend their immediate help to people all around the world, especially when the needy are in dangerous states, namely natural disasters like earthquake or infectious diseases. Additionally, the impoverished countries whose citizens are jobless, malnourished and ill-housed are also the disadvantaged groups who require immediate support. People from these underdeveloped nations do not have supports available due to the poor governance and hence, charities are expected to be there and helped immediately. As the matter of fact, charities are from rich nations whose people receive sufficient aids from their governments and therefore, the charitable bodies could aid others internationally.

However, the later view argues that not-for-profit institutions should consider aiding its people locally might be due to the inefficient use of resources. Understandably, they cannot help everyone and including their own issues, when their local people and the global individuals are encountering problems at the same time.This situation means that these charitable bodies have to segregate their resources into several places, and such methodology would potentially treat only the symptoms, but not the roots of the causes of all these places. Eventually, problems are still persisted and it is a considerably waste of resources.

From my perspective, i think the charity associations ought to support those who in need urgently, wherever they are, instead of help only its own nation. The role of this type of organisation is simply providing aids without considering the nationalities and ethnicity. Therefore, They ought not to concentrate only on its people, but on everyone from everywhere.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, quite a good essay. Ideas are clear and valid, but could be more developed. For example, you mention poor governance in some countries. If charities take over the responsibilities, does that mean the government can simply continue to be bad at its job? Same thing with unemployment - why is it the job of an American charity to take care of unemployed people in Tanzania?

There is some good vocabulary and mistakes do not interfere with comprehension. That's the same for grammar, though there is a lack of variety in structures (I refer to my usual favourite - conditionals!). Grammatical accuracy is mediocre - too many mistakes, though meaning is still generally clear.

All the best,
David

PS I love this question!