Many parents think it is necessary to teach children about money. Do you agree or disagree? Include your own reasons and share your experience and knowledge.
Money is the most important thing in today’s modern world for living happily. Therefore, everyone is trying to earn and save as much money as he can to live prosperous life. It is agreed that parents should mandatory teach their children about the importance and significance of money. This argument will we proved by analyzing how knowledge of money can help children in living more happy life by spending and saving the money wisely.
To start with, educating the children about how saving money can prevent numerous problems in his upcoming life. Take Atif Aslam as an example. He knew that he had a singing talent by birth and for launching his music album he used the money which he was saving from his childhood on his parent’s advice. This clearly shows how he managed to fulfill his dream using the money he saved from his childhood. So, it makes clear why the parents should give knowledge to their up growing children about importance of wealth.
In tandem with saving the money, teaching the young ones how to spend money wisely and efficiently can help them living prosperous life. For instance, Mukesh Ambani who is a very famous business revealed in his latest interview how he became such a successful businessman by following his parent instructions to spend money wisely and efficiently. Because he knew the importance of spending money, he is living a luxury and wealthy life. This makes it clear why children should be taught about the significance of money in their lives.
To conclude, it can easily be seen how the teaching of wisely saving and spending money can help the teen agers in living prosperous and tension free life. Because of this elders should definitely teach young ones about the importance of money. It is recommended to add special material in children study course also about the significance of money in life.
Kindly Review and my Essay. Its my First one for 24 Apr exam
-
sfaizanshah
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2014 12:58 pm
Re: Kindly Review and my Essay. Its my First one for 24 Apr
Hello,
Here are my comments and reflections on your essays. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me. I have detailed the strong parts of the essays first, followed by some areas for improvement that you may want to think about.
The good bits!
Overall this is a very good essay. The structure is solid which immediately demonstrates you know how to write an essay. So well done on that.
You have an excellent vocabulary which you have varied well, and importantly, not just to show that you can vary it! The word choices mostly fit the topic.
I like your use of sentence openers. Again it shows you know how to write an essay.
You have covered what is asked in the question, including knowledge relevant to you.
You have a clear and strong opinion about the subject matter which you have justified with good examples.
Great sentence!- In tandem with saving the money, teaching the young ones how to spend money wisely and efficiently can help them to live a prosperous life
Possible improvements
It is not essential, but I always like to see a consideration of the other side of the argument. It is a good academic skill, especially when there is a bit of ambiguity in the question. "Many parents think that...." Of course they do but then some don't so why not? It doesn't have to be lengthy, one sentence will do. For example..
"On the other hand, there are many parents who believe that the development of key skills and experiences is a much more important factor in the growth of their child."
"Money is the most important thing in today’s modern world for living happily" This sentence is fine, but potentially debatable so you could introduce it with something like "It could be argued that money....."
Few grammatical points
LIFE is a noun, so you need an article, a. A prosperous life, A more happy life
Educating children about HOW TO SAVE or Educating children about SAVING money...
Teach is a verb, so mandatory needs the adverb MANDATORILY teach their children about THE importance of wealth. Or.... use mandatory with auxiliary verb 'be'- It is agreed that it should be mandatory to teach...
Few other minor things but not serious problems.
Top effort and well done!
Best of luck for 24th April!
Joe
TheEnglishWeb.org
Here are my comments and reflections on your essays. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me. I have detailed the strong parts of the essays first, followed by some areas for improvement that you may want to think about.
The good bits!
Overall this is a very good essay. The structure is solid which immediately demonstrates you know how to write an essay. So well done on that.
You have an excellent vocabulary which you have varied well, and importantly, not just to show that you can vary it! The word choices mostly fit the topic.
I like your use of sentence openers. Again it shows you know how to write an essay.
You have covered what is asked in the question, including knowledge relevant to you.
You have a clear and strong opinion about the subject matter which you have justified with good examples.
Great sentence!- In tandem with saving the money, teaching the young ones how to spend money wisely and efficiently can help them to live a prosperous life
Possible improvements
It is not essential, but I always like to see a consideration of the other side of the argument. It is a good academic skill, especially when there is a bit of ambiguity in the question. "Many parents think that...." Of course they do but then some don't so why not? It doesn't have to be lengthy, one sentence will do. For example..
"On the other hand, there are many parents who believe that the development of key skills and experiences is a much more important factor in the growth of their child."
"Money is the most important thing in today’s modern world for living happily" This sentence is fine, but potentially debatable so you could introduce it with something like "It could be argued that money....."
Few grammatical points
LIFE is a noun, so you need an article, a. A prosperous life, A more happy life
Educating children about HOW TO SAVE or Educating children about SAVING money...
Teach is a verb, so mandatory needs the adverb MANDATORILY teach their children about THE importance of wealth. Or.... use mandatory with auxiliary verb 'be'- It is agreed that it should be mandatory to teach...
Few other minor things but not serious problems.
Top effort and well done!
Best of luck for 24th April!
Joe
TheEnglishWeb.org
-
sfaizanshah
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2014 12:58 pm
Re: Kindly Review and my Essay. Its my First one for 24 Apr
Thank you very much Mr. Joe for your precious comments and i will surely try to overcome my mistakes in future.
Joe wrote:Hello,
Here are my comments and reflections on your essays. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me. I have detailed the strong parts of the essays first, followed by some areas for improvement that you may want to think about.
The good bits!
Overall this is a very good essay. The structure is solid which immediately demonstrates you know how to write an essay. So well done on that.
You have an excellent vocabulary which you have varied well, and importantly, not just to show that you can vary it! The word choices mostly fit the topic.
I like your use of sentence openers. Again it shows you know how to write an essay.
You have covered what is asked in the question, including knowledge relevant to you.
You have a clear and strong opinion about the subject matter which you have justified with good examples.
Great sentence!- In tandem with saving the money, teaching the young ones how to spend money wisely and efficiently can help them to live a prosperous life
Possible improvements
It is not essential, but I always like to see a consideration of the other side of the argument. It is a good academic skill, especially when there is a bit of ambiguity in the question. "Many parents think that...." Of course they do but then some don't so why not? It doesn't have to be lengthy, one sentence will do. For example..
"On the other hand, there are many parents who believe that the development of key skills and experiences is a much more important factor in the growth of their child."
"Money is the most important thing in today’s modern world for living happily" This sentence is fine, but potentially debatable so you could introduce it with something like "It could be argued that money....."
Few grammatical points
LIFE is a noun, so you need an article, a. A prosperous life, A more happy life
Educating children about HOW TO SAVE or Educating children about SAVING money...
Teach is a verb, so mandatory needs the adverb MANDATORILY teach their children about THE importance of wealth. Or.... use mandatory with auxiliary verb 'be'- It is agreed that it should be mandatory to teach...
Few other minor things but not serious problems.
Top effort and well done!
Best of luck for 24th April!
Joe
TheEnglishWeb.org