Please Evaluate my Task 2

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
Post Reply
Elseady2014
Posts: 19
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 6:12 pm

Please Evaluate my Task 2

Post by Elseady2014 »

In management efforts to make buildings more economic and fashionable , Open space concept has became prominent trend in recent years . Although this may result in less privacy for individuals , it holds tremendous benefits for both employees and employers . In this essay the purposes and positive effects of such development as well as the drawbacks will be discussed

Firstly , one of the main advantages of open designs is that they offers an economic use of space for the ultimate use for office desks , chairs , equipment and furniture , also they provide better communications between people and thus helps them in achieving their tasks easily . Another major benefit is that Open designs have been proved to be more environmentally suitable for creativity , for Instance , a recent study in USA in 2015 revealed that people working in wide open places are 25 % more prone to be creative in achieving their tasks than others working in closed locked rooms

Secondly , there are some negative ramifications related to this concept in planning schools and offices , One of the main worrying side effects is that open spaces provide unhealthy environment where contagious and infectious diseases are more likely to spread among people , also the lack of privacy may affect the productivity of workers and children negatively , because they will be disturbed by the idea of being watched by other people .

In conclusion , Open designs have served people with better chance of communication and creativity so it is recommended for such a trend to be supported but with adequate health and privacy measures
Open Space.jpg
Open Space.jpg (21.88 KiB) Viewed 1899 times
saqibali
Posts: 452
Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2014 6:56 am

Re: Please Evaluate my Task 2

Post by saqibali »

1. There are minor issues with the structure. If you check Ryan guidelines on essays structure, you will improve a lot. For example, the conclusions paragraph should have few more lines.

2. You should not use Firstly, Secondly etc. This type of structure is used for the essays where we support one argument. You should use 'for first camp etc.'

3. Colloquialism is a clear issue with the essay that can be improved with practice only.
Limited free classes and unlimited best IELTS material at below link
https://www.facebook.com/pages/IELTS-No ... 3123916148
User avatar
Flick
Grammar Checker
Grammar Checker
Posts: 1466
Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:06 pm

Re: Please Evaluate my Task 2

Post by Flick »

Elseady2014 wrote: Fri Mar 03, 2017 11:46 am In management efforts to make buildings more economic and fashionable, an open space concept has become a prominent trend in recent years. Although this may result in less privacy for individuals, it holds tremendous benefits for both employees and employers. In this essay the purposes and positive effects of such a development, as well as the drawbacks, will be discussed.

Firstly, one of the main advantages of open designs is that they offer an economic use of space for office desks, chairs, equipment and furniture. Also, it allows better communication between people, and thus helps them in achieving their tasks easily. Another major benefit is that open designs have been proved to be more environmentally suitable for creativity. For instance, a 2015 study in the USA revealed that people working in wide open places are 25% more prone to be creative in achieving their tasks than others working in closed, locked rooms.

Secondly, there are some negative ramifications related to this concept in planning schools and offices. One of the main worrying side effects is that open spaces provide an unhealthy environment where contagious and infectious diseases are more likely to spread among people. Also, the lack of privacy may affect the productivity of workers and children negatively because they will be disturbed by the idea of being watched by other people.

In conclusion, open designs have served people with a better chance of communication and creativity, so it is recommended for such a trend to be supported but with adequate health and privacy measures.
Elseady2014
Posts: 19
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 6:12 pm

Re: Please Evaluate my Task 2

Post by Elseady2014 »

Thank you so so so much :)
Post Reply