Please assess my writing task 2 and give some feedback. I will be profoundly grateful for you support.

[altinbek11]

It is better to save money than to spend it. How far do you agree or disagree? Is saving more important than spending in today’s world?
In the fast-changing world, people struggle to manage their income and expenditure. Some prefer to save money for future while others tend to spend only on everyday needs without any savings. However, I personally believe that having extra money for future emergencies or insurance could be a better way to prevent from any risks that might appear in the future..
First of all, we all live in the fast-changing and riskier world more than ever before. Some sociologists believe that the twenty-first century is the time of risk because the industrial revolution from the traditional society through modern society had generated enormous risks so that people need to be prepared and empowered to face any risks. Catastrophic natural events, for instance, have occurred regularly in recent years, and victims of these events are vulnerable people who didn’t reserve the fund for this kind of risks. In these cases, people, who are prevented or gotten less damage, had funds in reserve relatively. Although it might be said that contributing to savings plans routinely depends on a family or individuals income, which might be considered when we plan our expenditure.
Secondly, permanent investment in savings accounts would be a guarantee for the future of children, because in most cases, especially in underdeveloped or developing countries where is higher education is not free, some students left out of education system. As a result of such an unpredictable future, young people couldn’t invest in their education and there is almost no chance for career progression without education nowadays. Additionally, such problems as health problems, economic and social instability, or retirement should be considered because of economic situations around the world unreliable. However, living in the paycheck to paycheck hinder some people to invest in the family fund for future events so that government has to encourage and implement programs.
To conclude, saving money for future can be the better protection system for catastrophic events or can pave the bright way for our children as well as other factors have to be concerned when we plan our spending.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Nice question!

I think that you have made a big error in the first main paragraph. Natural disasters do not discriminate. Your home is not damaged less because you are richer.

The second main paragraph includes the classic arguments. It would have been nice to include some reasons why some people might consider spending money to be better.

Overall, grammar and vocabulary are good - just get rid of the first main paragraph!

All the best,
David