please review my GT task 2- Appreciate

[DJvj]

Topic :-
Nowadays, people spend too much time at work to the extent that they hardly have time for their personal life. Discuss.


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Competition has been increased significantly over the period. A person has to be more adaptive and volatile to get better benefits to improvise his standard of living. While some people spend extended hours at the office and work hard to do so but there are few opponents of this idea. Below essay will provide both the viewpoint before coming to a reasoned conclusion.

There are several reasons why people are spending long hours at work. Firstly, nowadays people are more career oriented.To attain their goals, they are ready to compromise on their working hours.For instance, a lot of companies in IT sector provide incentives in various forms for those who works additionally or during weekends.Secondly, Monetary benefits help in beating the inflation and fulfill their commitments quickly.Lastly, people are working hard to attain their goals to lead a comfortable life.

On the other side of the argument, this may offer few challenges as well. Firstly, people are involved so much in the work that they tend to ignore their health. Therefore, they become prone to various diseases at an early age. For instance, a majority of people suffer from obesity in IT sector due to lesser physical activities or
It could even disturb their relations with their partners or family due to a minor attention.

To conclude, I firmly believe that one should maintain work-life balance.It will even assist individual not to be so overpressurized and at the same time more productive at work.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

You haven't really answered the question. You've looked at WHY people work, but not at the effect on their personal lives. Grammatical range and accuracy are good.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Topic :-
Nowadays, people spend too much time at work to the extent that they hardly have time for their personal life. Discuss.


***********************************

Competition at work has increased significantly over recent years. A person has to be more adaptive and volatile to get better benefits to improve his standard of living. While some people spend extended hours at the office and work hard to do so, there are few opponents of this idea. This essay will disucss both viewpoints before coming to a reasoned conclusion.

There are several reasons why people are spending long hours at work. Firstly, nowadays people are more career oriented. To attain their goals, they are willing to compromise on their work-life balance. For instance, a lot of companies in the IT sector provide incentives in various forms for those who work overtime or during weekends. Secondly, monetary benefits help in beating inflation and fulfilling their commitments quickly. Lastly, people will work hard while they are young to have a comfortable life when they are older.

On the other side of the argument, this may offer a few challenges as well. Firstly, people can become so involved in their work that they tend to ignore their health. Therefore, they become prone to various diseases at an early age. For instance, a majority of people suffer from obesity in the IT sector due to lesser physical activities. Long working hours can also effect relations with partners or family due to lack of attention.

To conclude, I firmly believe that one should maintain a work-life balance. This will help individuals to de-stress and be more productive at work.