WRITING TASK 1

[Shokir]

Given are two figures revealing data as regards the request of electricity in England during conventional days of summer and winter, and how it is normally consumed by English houses
It is apparent from the information supplied that not surprisingly the highest amount of electricity with the percentage of 52.5% used for heating rooms and water. However, electricity usage fluctuates at somewhere between 30000 and 40000 units of electricity in winter days. What is notable here is that electricity usage soars above 40000 units after sun goes down.
Turning to the second biggest electricity consumers, like ovens, kettles, washing machines, they use electricity slightly more than lighting, TV and radio by 25%. Meanwhile, other households like vacuum cleaners and food mixers use the same amount of electricity as lighting, TV and radio. Though, in typical English summer days consumption of the electricity fluctuates between about 11000 and 20000 units.
Overall, the electricity consumption in England doubles in winter days than in summer days.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

The main issue with this report is that you haven't really described the line chart in much detail. In fact, your first main paragraph discusses both diagrams, for some reason. Also, are the last two sentences written as individual paragraphs? If so, bad style!

Vocabulary and grammar are good, so you just need to work on the organisation and content.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Given are two figures revealing data as regards the request of electricity in England during conventional days of summer and winter, and how it is normally consumed by English houses(<--Reword to: "The figures below show the demand for electricity in England over summer and winter, and how the electricity is typically used.")

It is apparent from the information supplied that not surprisingly the highest amount of electricity with the percentage of 52.5% used for heating rooms and water.(<--Reword to: "Unsurprisingly, the highest amount of electricity was used for heating rooms and water, 52.5%.") However, electricity usage fluctuates at somewhere between 30000 and 40000 units of electricity in winter days.(<--Reword to: "However, there is a significant difference in the amount of electricity used in summer and in winter.") What is notable here is that electricity usage increases in both seasons after the sun goes down.

Turning to the second biggest electricity consumers, like ovens, kettles, washing machines, they use electricity slightly more than lighting, TV and radio by 25%.(<--Reword to: "The remaining electricity usage is spread over ovens, kettles & washing machines with 17.5%, lighting, TV & radio with 15%, and vacuum cleaners, food mixers and electric tools with 15%.
Overall, the electricity consumption in England doubles in winter compared to summer.