T1. Bar chart

[Shokir]

The bar chart describes information about amount of leisure pursuit enjoyed by male and female representatives of various employment statuses in a year time starting from 1998. What stands out from the graph is that part time employed men did not spend their time for leisure activities.
Starting from males, who dominated almost in all categories, particularly, full time employed workers, they spent about 45 hours of their typical week for leisure time. However, this rate fell to almost 40 hours for full time employed females.
As about women, who solely prevailed in employed part time and housekeepers trends, their enjoyed hours in leisure time were 40 and approximately 50 hours respectively.
Other quite equal hours, where both unemployed and retired people spent 80 and 75 hours respectively, for their leisure enjoyment, were the most enormous period of time dedicated for leisure time.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

I'm afraid this isn't a good report. First of all, there are a lot of grammar mistakes. Secondly, some word choice is incorrect and/or words are badly put together in sentences and phrases, e.g. solely prevailed (?!), housekeepers trends, representatives.

Next, you haven't really compared the data, which should be quite easy to do, considering that the amount of data presented is very limited and you have 150+ words to write. Then there is the lack of a clear overview (summary).

I'd suggest rewriting this, making sure that you describe AND compare the data fully. If you are unsure about your grammar, use only simple structures at first, then develop them by adding words like 'while' and 'whereas' to join sentences together. Hopefully, this will reduce the number of errors and increase comprehensibility.

If you rewrite it, post the new report as a fresh thread.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

The bar chart describes information about amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of various employment statuses between 1998 and 1999. What stands out from the graph is that men employed part time did not spend their time on leisure activities.

Starting from males, who dominated almost in all categories, particularly, full time employed workers, they spent about 45 hours of their typical week for leisure time.(<--Reword to: "Men employed full time spent about 45 hours per week on leisure time.") However, this rate fell to about 38 hours for women employed full time.

As about women, who solely prevailed in employed part time and housekeepers trends, their enjoyed hours in leisure time were 40 and approximately 50 hours respectively.(<--Reword to: "For women employed part time or as housewives, they had about 40 and 50 hours of leisure time respectively.")
Other quite equal hours, where both unemployed and retired people spent 80 and 75 hours respectively, for their leisure enjoyment, were the most enormous period of time dedicated for leisure time.(<--Reword to: "Unemployed and retired men had around 85 hours of leisure time per week, while women had around 80 hourse.")