Kindly Evaluate my Task 2

[ysaddiq]

The government should pay to the parents of very young children, so that one of them can stay at home and look after their children.

What do you think are the pros and cons of this policy?

Justify your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Most parents with very young children work on full-time jobs. Thus, their young children usually spend most of their time in a day-care or watching tv with other children. Many strongly feel that there should be a new policy which the government pays to one of the parents to stay at home and taking care of their children. I believe that young children should be raised by their own parents. This essay will discuss both the advantage and the disadvantage of this policy.

One of the main advantage for the children being raised with one of their own parent is that it will strengthen family relationship. As an example, when a parent takes care of his/her own children feeding, playing or reading with them he/she always build a life-long relationship that every child needs. Thus, it is tremendously important for the young children to be raised by their parent. This is, therefore, the main reason why the government should support this policy.

On the other hand, the disadvantage is that this policy could act as a precursor to a less diversity in the work environment. An idea that support this is that usually the woman is the person who takes the responsibility to raise the children. In a result, more women will leave work for parenting and more men will replace and dominate their positions. For this reason, the government should not support this policy and find an alternative solution.

In conclusion, paying to one of the parents to stay at home with their own children has major positive effects on the family relationship, and moreover, can negatively affects the work environment. Thus, I support this policy because I believe children who raised by their parent are immensely emotionally balanced and intellectually rich than their peers who have been raised by others. I think many parents will consider this policy as the perfect solution.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

This essay is quite good. The ideas are fine, but they are not well-developed. We can see that the main paragraphs are the same length as the introduction and conclusion.

There are grammatical errors, but they do not change meaning. Vocabulary is good and you have included some good adverbs and modal verbs too.

Organisation is clear and there is good use of a range of connectives.

All the best,
David

[ysaddiq]

Hello!

This essay is quite good. The ideas are fine, but they are not well-developed. We can see that the main paragraphs are the same length as the introduction and conclusion.

There are grammatical errors, but they do not change meaning. Vocabulary is good and you have included some good adverbs and modal verbs too.

Organisation is clear and there is good use of a range of connectives.

All the best,
David

Thank you so much David, i really appreciate your effort you are amazing.

[Flick]

The government should pay to the parents of very young children, so that one of them can stay at home and look after their children.

What do you think are the pros and cons of this policy?

Justify your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Most parents with very young children work full-time jobs. Thus, their young children usually spend most of their time in a day-care or watching tv with other children. Many strongly feel that there should be a new policy in which the government pays one of the parents to stay at home and take care of their children. I believe that young children should be raised by their own parents. This essay will discuss both the advantages and the disadvantages of this policy.

One of the main advantages for the children being raised by one of their own parents is that it will strengthen the family relationship. As an example, when a parent takes care of his or her own child's feeding, playing or reading builds a life-long relationship that every child needs. Thus, it is tremendously important for young children to be raised by their parent. This is, therefore, the main reason why the government should support this policy.

On the other hand, a disadvantage is that this policy could act as a precursor to less diversity in the work environment. For example, usually the woman is the person who accepts the responsibility to raise the children. As a result, more women will leave work for parenting and more men will replace and dominate their positions. For this reason, the government should not support this policy and instead find an alternative solution.

In conclusion, paying one of the parents to stay at home with their own children has major positive effects on the family relationship, but can negatively affect the work environment. Thus, I support this policy because I believe children who are raised by their parent are more emotionally balanced and intellectually richer than their peers who have been raised by others. I think many parents will consider this policy as the perfect solution.