kindly review my gt task 2

[DJvj]

Topic:-

It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community. Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young people?

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Every human being should be involved in the noble causes and share their bit to eradicate the issues faced by the society. Therefore, It is important that youngsters should cultivate this habbit of being philanthropist at an early age . Some people think that it would benefit individual and the society too. However, there are few opponents of this idea. Below essay will support the viewpoint how this would benefit them.

The main reason for this is it assist them in understanding the problems at the ground level. By doing these voluntary activites increases their learning horizon and knowledge with others . This could benefit them in their career as their experience in resume. For instance, In India, students are connected with various NGO's and helping needy children with their studies to eradicate illiteracy. It can be considered as a sabbatical which can help them in regaining their energy by coming out from their monotonous schedule.

Another reason is, it will give them a perspective of the issues that are being faced globally. They can be prepared and start focusing on those areas to save the future. They can brainstorm on different ideas and start innovating .It will help them to increase their skills set and even learn the significance of money management. For instance, In India , a startup owned by young professional has developed a night vision camera which can help the defense to eye on the infiltrators.

To conclude, I strongly believe engaging younger generation in the social causes would really help. It provides them a platform to fight against the current challenges and start working on mitigation plan. By the end humanity is all about giving back to the society.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

In the first main paragraph, you need to be more specific about the work children are doing with NGOs. A quick check on the internet reveals nothing.

In the second main paragraph, you need to explain how this work will provide a perspective on global issues. You talk about a startup, but that is not the topic of the essay.

Overall, I have to say that this essay is very weak. It is not clear that you have understood the question. The examples are meaningless, I'm afraid, and key aspects of the question - unpaid work, community, helping people - have certainly not been addressed.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Topic:-

It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community. Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young people?

***********************

Every human being should be involved in a noble cause and do their bit to eradicate the issues faced by the society. Therefore, it is important that youngsters should cultivate this habit of being philanthropic at an early age. Some people think that it would benefit the individual and the society, too. However, there are some opponents of this idea. This essay will support the viewpoint that having teenagers volunteer their time will benefit them and the community.

The main reason for this is it assists them in understanding the problems their community faces at the ground level. By doing these voluntary activities, their learning horizon and knowledge will increase. This could benefit them in their careers as it look sgreat on a resume. For instance, in India, students are connected with various NGO's to help needy children with their studies to eradicate illiteracy. It can be considered as a sabbatical which can help them in regaining their energy by breaking their monotonous schedule.

Another reason is, it will give them a perspective of the issues that are being faced globally. They can be prepared and start focusing on those areas to save future generations. They can brainstorm on different ideas and start innovating. It will help them to increase their skills set and even learn the significance of money management. For instance, in India, a startup owned by a young professional has developed a night vision camera which can help secure a family home against intruders.

To conclude, I strongly believe engaging the younger generation in social causes would really help. It provides them a platform to fight against the current challenges and start working on mitigation. In the end, humanity is all about giving back to the society.