Kindly assess my writing. Thankyou

[Dr.Khurram]

The overuse of natural resources causes an ultimate exhaust of them. People have been using them to be in swim of new styles such as making new furniture of recent design. This causes a huge harm to the environment. Therefore, government should discourage people the overuse of these resources.


One problematic issue in the contemporary society is unrestrained use of natural resources. Many commentators contend that government should take stringent measures to ameliorate this problem and thus prevent environmental damage. However, other analysts disagree with this stance. I strongly agree with former approach because it crucial to protect our environment.

These natural resources play indispensable role in our very existence and if we keep on wasting them, than there is strong possibility that one day they would become scarce. For example, many commuters, especially in metropolitan cities usually prefer to travel by their own vehicles instead of opting for public transport or car pooling, and consequently this practice not only damages environment from exhaust fumes but it also causes wastage of fossil fuels. Thus, it is prudent to assert that government should tax personal vehicles and all other industrial units, which consume fossil fuels instead of utilizing renewable energy resources.

Secondly, these days many construction company make unnecessary use of timber, just for the sake of embellishing the infrastructure, which proponent assert is waste of natural resources. This idea is supported by a survey conducted in Turkey, which showed that construction industry accounts for highest use of timber and thus indirectly responsible for deforestation and damage to climate. Therefore, it is responsibility of authorities to contemplate on this matter, so, negative influences of this practice on environment can be averted.

To recapitulate, I am in accord with the verdict that government should take necessary steps to mitigate the problem of exhaustion of natural resources due to their overuse by imposing taxes and providing alternatives such as renewable energy resources.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

You don't really provide any alternatives to current usage. There's a brief mention of alternative energy in the conclusion, but no suggestion of how this transformation from fossil fuels is to happen, apart from 'taxes'. (Do you think many people are going to support that argument?) No mention at all is made of alternatives to using timber for infrastructure. Bear in mind that a lot of timber is produced sustainably - forests are planted, harvested, replanted, etc.

There are lots of minor grammatical errors, but the range is reasonable. Once again, I note the lack of conditionals!
Range of vocabulary is good, but is not used to create a coherent argument.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

The overuse of natural resources will ultimately exhaust them. People have been using them to be in swim of new styles such as making new furniture of recent design.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) This causes huge harm to the environment. Therefore, the government should discourage the overuse of these resources.


One problematic issue in the contemporary society is unrestrained use of natural resources. Many commentators contend that the government should take stringent measures to ameliorate this problem and thus prevent environmental damage. However, other analysts disagree with this stance. I strongly agree with the former approach because it is crucial to protect our environment.

These natural resources play an indispensable role in our very existence, and if we keep on wasting them, then there is a strong possibility that one day they will become scarce. For example, many commuters, especially in metropolitan cities, usually prefer to travel in their own vehicles instead of opting for public transport or car pooling, and consequently this practice not only damages the environment from exhaust fumes, but it also causes wastage of fossil fuels. Thus, it is prudent to assert that the government should tax personal vehicles and all other industrial units which consume fossil fuels instead of utilizing renewable energy resources.

Secondly, these days many construction companies make unnecessary use of timber, just for the sake of embellishing the infrastructure, which proponents assert is a waste of natural resources. This idea is supported by a survey conducted in Turkey, which showed that the construction industry accounts for the highest use of timber and thus is indirectly responsible for deforestation and damage to the climate. Therefore, it is the responsibility of authorities to consider this matter, so negative influences of this practice on the environment can be averted.

To recapitulate, I am in accord with the verdict that the government should take necessary steps to mitigate the problem of exhaustion of natural resources due to their overuse by imposing taxes and providing alternatives such as renewable energy resources.